What a morning...
Moms View Message Board: Parenting Discussion: Archive January-June 2004:
What a morning...
My dk's got home this morning from their Dad's. He drops them off before school every other monday, so they can spend an *extra* night (fri/sat/sun night). Well, my oldest goes upstairs to his room and finds that sometime this weekend, our 4 yr (blake) old took apart some of his (brandon's) very large Lego structures that he had built. Well, I cant do anything about it as I had already gotten on to the 4 yr old for it. (dh had gotten onto him to this weekend!!) Not much else I can do. I have told Brandon to store them on top of his closet before, as he has no lock on his door. So needless to say I heard about this allllll morning. Then he slammed his bdrm door very loudly out of anger/frustration. grrrrrr
He finally leaves to get on the bus and I couldnt be happier for him to leave. 
Then middle ds comes downstairs to get something to eat. Blake asks me if he can have some too, I say sure and as soon as he walks over there Bradley starts YELLING at him 'What are YOU doing?' 'Why are you getting THAT?' bla bla bla.... They were eating peanut butter on crackers. Its not like it was a big deal for blake to get a cracker out and put his own PB on it????
Honestly my weekend was so nice. Why did it have to end with Blake and I being treated like dirt? I feel like they dont care a thing about me sometimes.
They act like they are so above the rest of us when they come home from their Dad's. It has taken me yrs of explaining over and over again why we have different rules then their Dad, etc.... Well, I should say WE ACTUALLY HAVE RULES here. He just wants to act like their best friend and stay up all night watching movies, etc... He doesnt take them to church on Sunday, yesterday for instance, he took my oldest Turkey hunting. Well, there is a good example. NOT!
There is a part of me that wishes sometimes they would just go live with their Dad since they like him so much more than us. I am thinking about sending them there, the last day of school and making them live there the WHOLE summer. It would do my ex good to have too deal with them more realistically. (as opposed to a couple of days every other weekend) It would do the boys good to see that he has ALOT of chores he does when they are not with him, and he has too work ALOT of hours all week long. This would mean they wouldnt get to swim in their pool everyday of the summer, ride their moped, play with their friends (their Dad lives in the country), and Mom wouldnt be driving them around to do fun things like go to the zoo, amusement parks, water parks, etc... Does this sound mean?? I am just so tired of their attitudes when it comes to their Dad.
Thanks for letting me vent. I am sure they will both be in a better mood this afternoon. I just cant stand my day starting out so stressful. Just needed to get this off my chest. Kinda silly I know! I even asked my oldest if we could talk about this when he got home from school so my day didnt start out on such a bad note. He didnt care...
I don't think it is wrong for youto want them to see that if they lived with their Dad that it wouldn't always be fun & games. I am sorry your day started off so hard. I hope it gets better for you.
I think every parent goes through that "Why did I have kids " phase.
Sounds like a very difficult & stressful situation for you. Hugs to you.
Is that feasible? I think it sounds like a good idea for many reasons.
((((HUGS)))))
I am sorry it was such a rough morning. I hate mornings like that. I hope this afternoon is better for all of you.
I agree that may be a good idea as well, atleast for the summer. Its not mean, they are getting older now so expecting them to behave and have respect in your house isn't much to ask. i bet things would change if their dad did have to deal with all the aftermath of giving thme what they want. I would talk to their dad and work something out!
Could he not drop them right off at school Monday mornings? That way you wouldn't have to deal with the early morning grouchiness that comes after a w/e of late nights. By the time they get home after school, everyone would probably feel a bit better, or at least be able to deal with things more rationally.
Oh Conni, sorry you had such a rotten morning. I hope things are better by the time they get home from school. I know on the rare occasions that my 6 yr. old stays up late, he is a complete grouch the next day.
Mabe spending part of the summer with their Dad would be a good idea. I am sure it would be a real eye opener for all of them, including your ex.
Years ago when I was first married to my X, we would keep Jules and Jason for long weekends, Thursday night through Sunday night. We would drop them off at school on Friday morning and pick them up Friday afternoon, and then drop them off at school on Monday morning and their birth mom would pick them up on Monday afternoons. Marcia's suggestion would probably work well as far as the morning grouchies go.
I can sympathize with you though. When my X and I split up, he would get Jeff and Jen on weekends and it was all fun and games. He spent oodles of money on them, they went out to eat, rented movies, went places, he was the typical fun *weekend daddy*. They'd come home all grumpy, and all I got to hear for several days was DAD doesn't make us do this, DAD lets us do that, DAD took us here or there, yada yada yada..... MOM couldn't afford to do all those things because MOM was trying to keep a roof over their heads and pay for their extra curricular activities and instill values and a sense of responsibility and routines in them.
Maybe it IS a good idea if they spend an extended period of time with him over the summer. Once they get past the first week or so and it settles into a *less fun* routine, the novelty will wear off.
One thing I think you should do is have a family meeting, you and your DH and all of the kids, start out by stating you are ALL a family and that everyone is loved equally and should be treated equally and has a role in YOUR family. Let each person air their thoughts and grievances. When one is speaking, no one else is allowed to speak. Each one gets a turn. Try to include positive as well as negative things. I did this a lot when my kids were younger and we were going through a lot of the same things. It does help, and can solve some of the problems.
Good luck!
What a pain! Sorry you had such a rough morning. I hope this afternoon is better! Others had lots of great advise. {{{{{Conni}}}}}
Thank you everyone! Of course everyone was in a much better mood after school yesterday.
They were fine this morning.
I am going to talk to ex about either putting an end to the Sunday night thing or him changing his work schedule on those Monday mornings so that he can take them to school himself. He has to be at work so early that the boys would have to stand outside their buildings for a long time before any teachers get there. So that is why he doesnt take them to school at this point.
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