Love Language of your child??
Moms View Message Board: Parenting Discussion: Archive January-June 2004:
Love Language of your child??
Has anyone read the book The Five Love Languages of Chilren? Just wondering if you noticed any difference in your children after applying its' principles. I am reading it right now, and I find it very interesting and insightful!
I haven't even heard of it. What is it about?
I have a friend who firmly believes in it. I could never figure out my kids' language! LOL
Who is the author? Can you tell us something about the premise?
Thanks,
Ame
http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art13673.asp
The Five Love Languages of Children
Gifts, Words of Affirmation, Quality of Time, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch. These are the 5 Love Languages, according to author Gary Campbell. Individuals usually have two main love languages which fills up the "love tank". The challenge is that most people "speak" the love language that is theirs, but not the language of the object of their affection. What can result is one person feeling like they give a lot of love, but the other feeling "empty" in terms of the love tank. For example, if Words of Affirmation is a child's primary love language, to lavish him or her with Gifts may not do much at all in terms of making them feel loved and emotionally "full".
The Five Love Languages of Children
The concept of recognizing and "speaking" love languages is universal. It can be applied to friendships, siblings, and parents, in addition to spouses and children. Chapman, with co-author Ross Campbell, M.D., have written The Five Love Languages Of Children, which applies the love language theory to children. How can you tell your child's main love language? Chapman offers these suggestions:
1. Observe how your child expresses love to you.
Chapman and Campbell write: "Watch your child; he may well be speaking his own language. This is particularly true of a young child, who is very likely to express love to you in the language he desires most to receive."
I've seen this with my own 5 year old. He will come up to me or my husband, and try to engage us in a wrestling match. Or he'll pat our arms, give us a hug, etc. He has shown us that his main love language is that of Physical Touch!
2. Observe how your child expresses love to others.
If you notice your child making crafts for relatives, or wanting to take presents to classmates or teacher, this may indicate that her primary love language is Gifts.
3. Listen to what your child requests most often.
If your child often asks you questions like "How do I look, Mommy?", "What do you think of my drawing?", or "Did you think I did well at practice today?", this pattern may indicate that his love language is Words of Affirmation.
4. Notice what your child most frequently complains about.
Frequent complaints such as "You never have time for me", "Why don't you play games with me?", or "We never do things together" would be indicative of the need for Quality Time.
5. Give your child a choice between two options.
Chapman and Campbell suggests to lead your child to make choices between two love language. For example, a Dad might say to his son, "I have some free time Saturday. Would you like me to fix your bike, or would you rather go to the park together and shoot some hoops?". The choice is between Acts of Service and Quality Time. A mother may say, "I have some time tonight. Would you like to go shopping, and I'll help you pick out a new outfit, or would you rather stay home and we'll do a puzzle together?" You've given her the choice between Gifts and Quality Time.
Chapman and Campbell explain: As you give options for several weeks, keep a record of your child's choices. If most of them tend to cluster around one of the five love languages, you have likely discovered which one makes your child feel most loved. At times, your child will not want either option, and will suggest something else. You should keep a record of those requests also, since they may give you clues.
Of course, the choices you offer your child will depend on age and interest.
Chapman has also written a book with teens in mind:
The Five Love Languages of Teenagers
Related Article
The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Committment to Your Mate
This sounds really interesting. I can already see where 2 of my 3 kids would fit. What a great way to really reach your kids. This could save you from "telling" your kids you love them in a way that doesn't "translate" well for that child. Thanks for sharing this, I'll have to look it up.
Yes, thank you for sharing this. As I was reading along I was easily able to pinpoint my two oldest. Very interesting. I will definitely check this out! 
I have studied this in an adult Sunday School class. It is very interesting. My dd's love language is words of affirmation, and my ds's is physical touch. BTW, this is not only for children! It's just as important to know your spouse's love language, too. It's intersting, because we tend to give in whatever OUR love language is, yet our spouse's may not be receiving it fully, because that is not THEIR love language.
GTEAT JOB ANNIE!! You explained it thoroughly! Just wanted to let everyone know that you can get the book used at amazon ending with .com! This book has helped alot with my "hard to figure out" daughter.
I didn't do anything but cut and paste! LOL
But after reading that synopsis, I may look into these books again..especially the teenager one.
I've read these books. My DH and youngest DS are "physical touch," my oldest DS is "words of affirmation," and I am either "words of affirmation" and/or "acts of service." These really are a great series of books! And Michele, you are absolutely right! It is important to know our spouse and our children's love languages so we can better express our love to them and keep their love tank filled to the overflowing.
"The Blessing" by Gary Smalley and John Trent is another great book on how to make sure you are blessing your children and your spouse. "The Blessing" was the first and the most general, but I think there are editions specifically addressing how to bless your kids and mate. If you like the love language books, then you'll like these too.
Wow very interesting. I also was able to pinpoint, my eldest "words of affirmation" my middle, is physical touch and gifts. I'm eager to buy the book now.
my 4 year old is "quality time" & my middle is physical touch! Just wondering which love language is the most challenging for you guys to meet? I find it quite challenging with "quality time" and find it extremely easy speaking the love language of "physical touch". What about you guys?
Oh, I might add that my love language isn't physical touch either! Interesting, huh? My love language is receiving gifts. Anyway- the question again: What love language is most difficult for you to speak?
My dd is gifts and affirmation. My ds is quality of time. Quality of time is hard for me. But ironically, I am gifts/affirmation and have the hardest time with her.
I would say my own personal love language includes words of affirmation and quality time.
The hardest for me to speak are words of affirmation ironically LOL and physical touch.
Pam, thanks for mentioning Gary Smalley. I just did some research on his many books and have ordered two. I ordered The Key to Your Child's Heart and Hidden Secrets to a Long and Lasting Marriage. Thanks so much for recommending him. I can't wait to get started reading his books!
Amy- The Key to Your Child's Heart is a great book. I read it several years ago and will read it again after I finnish the 5 love laguages book.
Wow! These books sound like something I would really enjoy reading. Thanks for the recommendations!
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