Robin's having a new phase. Well, not really new, but he'd gotten over it. He had major seperation anxiety from the time he started preschool until about 3rd grade. Now for the last week he's been having a hard time in the mornings at school. His teacher called me last Monday because he was wheepy and crying and that just isn't like him (this boy fights crying with everything he has!). I talked to him and he said he missed a toy he'd gotten over the weekend. I told him I had it with me and I'd bring it to the bus to meet him. The next day he took it to school with him (in his back pack--prearranged with the teacher) but he ended up calling me because he missed me. He's called every day since and he's even stressing at bedtime and sleeping in the guest room to be closer to dh and me. This morning he started crying almost as soon as he got up. He takes a picture of me to school with him and we made a bracelet this morning that says "Mom and Robin" for him to wear. His teacher says he does fine after about 10 or 11am and when he called this morning I asked to talk to his teacher and he said "Pick me up early" right before handing her the phone. I heard her in the background say "Oh, you're going to stay with me ALL DAY!" When she got on the phone she said he got a grin on his face when she said that, so I know he'll be okay. All this emotion isn't like him, but he's doing a great job verbalizing his feelings and he's being very appropriate about it, too. We did see his psyciatrist last week and he doesn't think it's a med reaction and that it is just a phase. So anyway, I'm looking for other ideas (besides a pic or bracelet) to help him deal with this while staying firm that he will go to school and get through this. He may be trying to manipulate (either conciously or unconciously) us into letting him stay home. It won't work. I know if we let him this will just last longer. I know this isn't normal for a 10yo, but remember Robin's bipolar (along with ADHD, possibly OCD, ODD and Aspergers) so not much with him is "normal". (Bipolar parents have a saying--Normal is a setting on a dryer ) Any thoughts or ideas would be great. I know we'll eventually get through this, but I'd like to make it easier for him (and us). TIA

By Trina~moderator on Monday, April 19, 2004 - 12:19 pm:

Hmmm, I can't think of anything you're not already doing. {{{HUGS}}} Hope Robin's doing better soon.

By Conni on Monday, April 19, 2004 - 12:48 pm:

Cat, this is the end of the school yr. Just keep reminding him that in a few short weeks he will be home for the summer. ;) My first thought was that maybe it is hormonal (preteen) or a med reaction. But it looks like you got that ruled out already. I hope he has a better week! Why can't they come with an owner's manual right?

By Renee on Monday, April 19, 2004 - 02:02 pm:

Cat, how about a nice note that he can keep with him, from you, reasurring him that you love him and will be there for him after school? That way he could take it out and read it when he needs you.

By Texannie on Monday, April 19, 2004 - 02:09 pm:

I was thinking along the same lines as Renee, but maybe he can't open the note till he's been at school for a certain amount of time??

By Amecmom on Monday, April 19, 2004 - 02:14 pm:

There's a great book called, "Raising Boys" that talks about boys and their different stages of development. They are more prone to separation anxiety than girls are. They also go through hormonal changes differently from girls. Check the book out of your local library, if you can. I found some of it very valuable - and some stuff just didn't apply.
Good luck. As others have said, it sounds like you're doing all the right things. This may just be a hormonal - emotional thing that you can't fix.
Ame

By Cat on Monday, April 19, 2004 - 02:22 pm:

Thanx for the hugs, Trina.

Conni, they have 27 days of school left, and one is a half day and one day is a field trip (minor league baseball team). We've counted.

Renee and Annie, I'll have to write him a note. He'll like that. I thought about emailing him this morning (his teacher can get it in the classroom). I'll have to talk to her about letting him read on her computer or printing it out.

Ame, is that the book by Dr. Dobson? I have that somewhere. I'll dig it out and see what it says.

I hope this isn't a pre-pubecent thing. I'm not ready for that! lol I think we just need to stick firm and wait for this to pass. *sigh* It never ends, does it?!?

By Texannie on Monday, April 19, 2004 - 02:59 pm:

My 10 year old girl has been really clingy and emotional this year too.

By Amecmom on Monday, April 19, 2004 - 03:19 pm:

Cat,
The book is by Steve Biddulph.
Ame

By Cat on Monday, April 19, 2004 - 03:30 pm:

Ame, I was thinking about Bringing up Boys. I'll check out Raising Boys. Thanx.

By Cat on Tuesday, April 20, 2004 - 10:50 am:

Lots of waterworks this morning, and begging to stay home, but I sent him anyway and will because he needs to get over this. He got lots of kisses and an "I (heart) U!" written on the back of his hand in permanant marker (so it won't wash off) and a letter in his backpack that he had to wait to open until he got to school and hung up his jacket and backpack. He hasn't called yet but his teacher wants to make him wait a little longer each day--yesterday was 9:30 (school starts at 8:20). It's only 8:45 right now. I was afraid this morning he was stressing himself out so much he might throw up (complaining his stomach hurt). He even asked if he threw up if he had to go. I told him it would depend on why he threw up. If he made himself throw up or if it was the meds (he needs to eat with one or he will get sick) then yes, he would still go to school. Hopefully he won't try that tactic. He was so wheepy when he got on the bus. I told the bus driver it's just seperation anxiety and he needs to get over it. She said it's good he's at least going to school because they have on boy on the bus that's only gone one day since spring break (three weeks ago now). If I give in to Robin, that's what he'll want. Go one day a week. Not going to happen. Thanx for all the input, everyone. I'll keep you updated.

By Texannie on Tuesday, April 20, 2004 - 11:01 am:

Hang in there! My daughter got herself all worked up the other day cause she wanted to stay with me that she made herself throw up too. I swear it's the age!

By Cat on Tuesday, April 20, 2004 - 11:14 am:

Boy, Annie, next time you're up this way we REALLY need to get the kids together! lol We're hanging in there...*sigh*

By Texannie on Tuesday, April 20, 2004 - 12:06 pm:

That would be interesting! LOL

By Cat on Tuesday, April 20, 2004 - 12:30 pm:

He called around 9:30 again this morning, but he wasn't crying. I really praised him for doing so well and said "You'll have a great day!" He then asked me to go on his field trip in a couple weeks and I said I'd see what I could do. One of the teacher's aids called about 15 minutes later about a middle school visit tomorrow and I mentioned he sounded better and she said they told him if he wanted to call me he'd have to stop crying. She also said he was just sobbing this morning and asked to use the bathroom, but someone in the bathroom said when he got down there he was just fine. So yes, there might be some minipulation there. We'll get through this.

By Tink on Tuesday, April 20, 2004 - 08:23 pm:

{{{Cat}}} Even when you know it's manipulation, sometimes it's still not easy. I think you are doing a great job though. Keep it up!

By Coopaveryben on Tuesday, April 20, 2004 - 08:49 pm:

What a hard thing to go through. Hang in there it sounds like you are doing a good job.

By Lauram on Wednesday, April 21, 2004 - 09:35 am:

Cat- He's dealing with alot. I would think it's either that- that he's finally expressing his emotions instead of acting them out- or that he's depressed.... I know I hate to say that, but it's something I worry about with my ds ALOT because he's dealing with alot too. Didn't he recently change schools? Is there something he's reacting to at the school? IS there something going on with a peer? DOes he have friends? I think those are all questions to explore with him. My gut tells me there is a reason he's acting like this. 10 is very old for separation anxiety. I hope you figure it out soon.

By Cat on Wednesday, April 21, 2004 - 11:02 am:

Laura, he does have friends at this school. He's been there since November and there are 12 boys in his class--all 4th and 5th grade. They all get along pretty well. He will be changing schools again for 6th grade, but we just found that out this past Monday and he's been having this problem since last Monday. He's actually excited about the new school because it's closer to home and it's also where he takes karate. I really think this is because he had such a good spring break. I'm thinking about talking to the counsilor at school and seeing if she can get involved. He does fine after about 10am. It's just the time before school (when he begs me to let him stay home and almost makes himself sick) and the first hour and a half or so at school. He really is doing very well on the new med he started about two months ago (zyprexa). I'm hoping this will pass soon. Thanx.

By Bellajoe on Thursday, April 22, 2004 - 07:06 pm:

I don't have any ideas for you. I just have to say that his teacher sounds very nice and understanding, letting him call you every day.

My nephew may have asperger's, his teacher was never that helpful with him to the point the kid was so stressed out about going to school, the school was not helpful at all with him. My sister ended up changing schools in the middle of the year and he is now MUCH better off.

Anyway, hang in there. This too shall pass.

The idea of sending a note with him to school sounds like it's worth a try.