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Moms View Message Board: Parenting Discussion: Archive January-June 2004: Does your dh back you up w/ the kids?
I get so frustrated w/ my dh because he never supports me when I make a decision with the kids. Like tonight, I had a night class to go to and I left my ds writing spelling words. I told him and my dh that he had to write all of them before he could go outside to play or watch TV (this is the way it has been w/ both kids, so it's not a new concept). Anyway, I get home from class, he has not written his words and he is in front of the television. I was furious, not only w/ my son, but more so w/ dh. He is the parent, it is his responsibility to make sure that the kids do their home work.
It's not just yours! Does he do that stupid thing and say "Oh yeah, you need to get that finished" as soon as you say something to your child so you have to start out looking like the bad guy...again? OK you backed me up but I had to be the heavy! Yeah, I feel your pain.:o(
DH is usually very good in that department, however we have had a couple similar incidents. Very aggravating, isn't it?! Makes ME look like the mean one. LOL!
Well i am definitely the mean one, lol!! My dh does back me up but never takes the first step!
Ditto Ladypeacek
We made an agreement when our first child was around 2 that we would always back each other up in front of the kids. If we disagreed with what the other was doing we would address that in private. It is a hard and fast rule with us. It's really important now that we have a teenager and preteen to show a united front. Now, we do have things that push each other's buttons differently. The kids can do something and I will just blow up and he will look at me like "what's the big deal?" and vice versa.
My DH backs me up usually, he's scared of me if he doesn't..haha. If I disagree with something he is doing and I want it to stop ASAP I will call him into a different room and talk it over. But the kids don't notice and can't hear.
It's the opposite for us.....We totally disagree when it comes to parenting and rules about things...
I guess I'm lucky in that my DH backs me up all the time. I am with the kids 95% of the time. I do most of the disciplining (sp?) and care and it's often left up to me. I'm also softer on them than he is, so if I make up the rule or punishment, they know if they don't follow it, Dad will step in and either really enforce it or change it to something harsher. Now sometimes, Dad will come up with something I think is too harsh and I'll tell him after the fact. He'll go to the kids and tell them he's talked to me and we've come up with something a little different.
My husband & I don't agree on any of the parenting things. I'm the boss here....I pretty much have to walk him thru anything before I leave. By the way, what do all the initials mean (ds, dh....)
Peggy, dh- dear or darn husband
Ditto (ladypeacek) Kenna, could not have said it better myself.
We are definitely a team. I am usually the main disciplinarian just because I am with the kids more. However, DH will take the first step when he is here. We both decided when we first had kids that we will always form a united front in the presence of the children. Even if we do disagree we discuss it after they are in bed and talk about how we could compromise the next time.
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My DH always backs me up, but it's always me that takes the first step LOL