Big Questions
Moms View Message Board: Parenting Discussion: Archive January-June 2004:
Big Questions
Recently DD (turning 6 in June) has been asking big questions.
"How are babies made?"
"How are they born?"
"When it rains, does that mean people in Heaven are sad?"
"If you and Dad die, will someone adopt me and Ty?"
Talk about keeping us on our toes! LOL!
Last week I made a comment about missing Stripey, our beloved kitty who passed away last month. B jumped up, gave me a hug and confidently replied, "Oh Mom, Stripey will always be with you! She's in your heart, don't you know?!"
Well, at least she's asking  . Our 10 y/o knew how babies were born, but not how they were made and had never asked. We thought it was time he knew so dh had "the talk" with him...yikes! Dh said Adam didn't make eye contact the whole time and kept scooting away. After dh had finished the sex talk he asked if Adam had any questions and Adam just said, "Ummm...yeah...can I go play now?" LOL
Well i was always told when it rained the angels were dancing and when it thundered God was bowling, LOL. My daughter (7) asked my dh ( who at the time i had only been dating for 3 months) what a period was and when she would get one, LOL and 2 weeks later she asked us if we had sex and what do we do? I thought i had a stroke! First we asked her what she thinks sex is before we divulged too much. She said it was something icky parents do when kids went to sleep. We left it at that. Then about a week ago my daughter came to me and said you know the word hot doesn't always mean hot like burn, sometimes it means girls in bikinis, LOL!! Kids are so funny and growing us so quickly.
It must be so wonderful to have such an imaginative, curious and sympathetic child. I think children can teach us so much about how to look at the world.
One note on answering her questions: don't give her more information than she can handle, but don't give her mis-information, either. Just answer her simply, most children are looking for simple answers. For example, babies come from mommies and daddies and love. Rain doesn't mean people in Heaven are sad, rain is just water in the air that has to come down.
Most times, they are just looking for reassurance, especially when so much is new to them.
Just enjoy her questions and her innocence.
Ame
Oh, the joys...
I just had "the talk" with my boys, 8 1/2 and 10 1/2. What brought it us was the boys seeing a couple kissing in front of the store a coupe weeks ago and they said, "EW! They're having SEX!" I had to explain that that wasn't sex. Then of course I had to explain what was. Robin knew a little (from graphiti(sp) on the slide at school--someone will have to fix that! lol) so I just made sure they had their facts straight. Then I asked them what they thought about it all. Randy pipes up, "That's just WRONG!" Robin said "Yeah, gross!" ROFL! I just thought to myself, *yep--keep those attitudes for a LONG time!*
LOL kids are a riot!!
Mine are still too small for those talks. My dd knows that babies come from a mommys tummy and they bring the baby home from the hospital. My ds just thinks you go to the hospital and GET a baby ! LOL! We will just keep it at that for now!
Would you believe DS (7.5) has never really asked questions like this?! Just seems weird to have these questions come from my youngest first. She is definitely our challenging one, but can really make us smile. LOL!
Ame, I don't believe I've welcomed you to Momsview. I noticed we're both former educators, and I agree with your post 100%.
Trina, they are wise beyond their years, aren't they? Too funny!
These posts make me laugh! Then, they make me nervous. This means my own DD will be asking me the same questions someday! Aggh!
My son (7) has never settled for vague answers or parcial descriptions (meaning nothing gets by him).
He asked and asked about where babies come from, how they are created, etc. Our answers were not good enough. There was a show on the discovery channel the miracle of birth and we let him watch it. I really thought he would get grossed out and walk away instead he sat glue to the TV. After it was over he said "Well, that explains it. Mom did it hurt giving birth to me?" He now loves watching the animal hospital and medical discoverys shows.
Who knows, maybe he will be a doctor.
Now my daughter didn't want or need that much information.
So I guess, after my long story, my point is each child is different as to how much information you need to give them.
Thanks Trina,
It's nice to be here. We're still educators . Only now, we have smaller classes, bigger responsibilities and get paid in smiles and hugs, rather than dollars and cents - and I wouldn't have it any other way.
Your post about your daughter's questions made me smile and feel all warm inside. Thanks for sharing it.
Ame
Lexi who's 6 has known the basics about how babies are made for a long while now, every now and then she comes up with a new question. This week it was, So you and dad still do this special hug? And when do you do it? I am really comfortable with this topic since it is my profession and even I winced a bit on that.
Just re-read that, it is my profession makes me sound like a hooker, which I am not. LOL.
I have pretty much answered my kids' questions honestly. It really came up for both of them when they had the human reproduction units at school. Neither of them really ever asked any questions, either.
Eve, yes, this is a preview as to what's to come! LOL!
Yjja123, DD doesn't always fall for our vague answers either. For instance, when she asked, "How are babies made?" I replied, "A man and a woman who love each other make a baby together." She said, "Well, WHAT if the girl doesn't WANT to get married?? Can she still have babies?" Me: "Well, yes, it's possible but the preferred way is to get married first." DD: "Yeah, yeah, I know!" LOL! Then she continued with, "How are babies born?" This was easy because she knows all the proper body terms AND we often watch animals giving birth (That's My Baby) on the Animal Planet channel. I said, "The mom pushes the baby out of her vagina." DD: "That must be hard work! Isn't it?! YOU know, you had two babies!" Then DS (7.5) piped in, "No, actually Mom didn't push us out. Remember her scar?" (They noticed my c-section scar 2 summers ago while changing at the pool.) Argh, then I had to simply explain a c-section to DD. B: "Oh Momma, did it hurt?!" Me: "No Honey, the doctor gave me special medicine so it didn't hurt." DD: "Whew! Good thing!" I thought we were done at that point, but then B asked, "Mom, how come you couldn't push us out of your vagina??" SO, I proceeded to explain how most moms have a pelvis shaped like an oval, and the baby has no problem fitting through, but my pelvis is heart-shaped.... and so on. *Heavy Sigh* Parenthood!
Ame, Melissa and Dawn, I was typing my last message while you posted. LOL! I haven't had to explain the actual act yet, but will have no problems when the time comes. Neither child is ready yet, but I'll know when. It really makes thing so much easier when you start teaching them the correct body terms from the get go.
We were talking the other day about having another baby sometime. DD(4) asked if I was going to wear my same wedding dress. I asked what she meant. She said "You said that you have to get married first to have a baby" LOL So, she thinks that getting married is what gets the baby *in there*. She thinks that babies come out of the tummy (which they do, and in some cases literally).
We just give her simple answers. If she asks more, we give her more simple answers. I know I have to be careful of what we tell my girls, because most likely they will go to school and share it with their class!!
I don't know if this is appropriate but we are all adults, my DS asked me what his testicles were..I tell him later they will make something to help you have children. Several weeks later he tells me he is going to have two kids, I thought that is so cute I asked him what he was going to name them, boy or girl, he kept saying I don't know but I KNOW I'm going to have two. So I had to ask, how do you know you are going to have two? He says, "you know those things you told me would help me have kids..well I felt them and there were two of them". GREAT! I just opened a whole can of worms, I tried to explain what they did, from there he wanted to know how they get in the mommies body....YIKES!
I believe in being very upfront, my parents never told me anything and I was always to embarrassed to ask. So I am trying really hard to keep that communication open, it is hard for me.
I do believe in answering things honestly and age appropriately, obviously I didn't tell him how they got to the mom...I figured that would be too tramatic for a 6year old (it was for me when I found out for the first time and I was much older) but told him we would talk about it again. I worked with a girl and when she had her baby her 8 year old son wanted to know how it came out she told him through her belly button...this really bothers me.
I had my second DS when the first just turned 3 and he asked how the baby came out, I told him Mommies have a special hole in their body, he asked if you pee out of it, I told him no that it is close, etc. but I didn't give too much info. only what he was asking for. There are some guys that get so grossed out by this stuff when they get older because no one ever told them anything, I don't want him to be one of them.
I love that she ask those questions though, what a great opportunity for you to talk with her and it shows she is really thinking and compasionate. You must have a very smart daughter.
No vague answers for our oldest ds (8 years) either. He started asking questions as well. We found the book "It's So Amazing!" by Robie H. Harris. I highly recommend it!! It is very truthful and tells all the facts, but it is so well written. Ds was fascinated and did not want to stop reading. He took everything in a very matter-of-fact way, which he probably would not do had we waited a few more years. There was no embarrassment at all. He asked his questions and seemed to be completely satisfied with the answers.
Thanks, Melanie. Looks good! More info at amazon.com...
"It's So Amazing!" by Robie Harris
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