My dd is 8 now and her wardrobe is SOOO important to her. She has got to be in the best fashions all the time! I don't remember caring about clothes till i was older but thats ALL she wants all the time. EVERY morning it is a battle of wills to get her dressed for school, She goes through atleast 4 outfits before she picks one. She wants to wear shorts or sundresses, well its barely 30 degrees here on good days right now. She insists she doesn't have enough clothes. At last count she had 15 pairs of pants and more than 30 shirts! She has about 20 dresses. She wants a pair of shoes for every outfit. I cant afford that many for me much less her. She has about 10 pairs now and i think thats plenty! She worries so much that her outfit isn't fashionable. I don't have a clue where she gets it, i am a jeans kinda girl myself! I want her to look nice and i understand the pressures in school to have good clothes. She has these things but its still not enough. Is there really that much pressure in 3rd grade? I am going crazy. I fake sleeping some mornings just so i won't have to argue about whether or not she looks cute in her outfit. My daughter is beautiful to me no matter what she wears, lol. That makes her SO mad when i say that!

Anyone else going through this? What do you do?

By Ladypeacek on Wednesday, March 24, 2004 - 08:26 am:

By the way... she was NOT happy about this outfit today!! She HATES to wear t-shirts!!! This is brand new, i just bought it and i thought it was adorable!

By Dawnk777 on Wednesday, March 24, 2004 - 09:41 am:

I don't think either of my kids is that obsessed with clothes! LOL! They like to have the latest fashions, but don't need to have shoes to match every one. They know there are limits on what we can spend on clothes.

Oh, and she is so cute in the picture!

By Kate on Wednesday, March 24, 2004 - 10:02 am:

I would say she has too many clothes and therefore the battles will just continue. If she had less to choose from she wouldn't be able to change four times a day before school. Why did you buy her that t-shirt if she has 30 shirts already? Since she didn't like it I would have returned it or donated it somewhere. I don't mean to sound cruel, but she really does seem to have too many clothes and when you go and buy her more, it just adds to it. I think with less she'll appreciate what she DOES have even more, and having less to choose from will make dressing easier.

By Happynerdmom on Wednesday, March 24, 2004 - 10:19 am:

Unfortunately, the pressure does start that early, now. With my dd, who is now almost 14, I give her a set dollar amount to buy clothes with. She can then spend it according to what she feels is important. Maybe she will pick the expensive jeans, but then she'll have to get the less expensive shirts, etc. I've learned not to buy her clothes I'm not sure she'll like, or talk her into buying something...she won't wear it. It's amazing how differently the money is spent when they know they only have a certain amount! She will squeeze every penny! I know your dd is only eight, but I don't think that's too young to teach her that there is only a certain amount of money available to spend on clothes, and how to make wise decisions. Trust me...if she doesn't learn this now, it will only get worse.

By Marg on Wednesday, March 24, 2004 - 10:26 am:

I imagine it starts young,

Our dds go to a very small private school. They aren't allowed to wear shorts (at all) or skirts above the knees.

Whenever the girls want something I know we can't afford, I tell them I could get it for you if I go back to work, but I will be at work and you probably will be with a babysitter for a few hours. It cuts the conversation short. I used to work, and they don't want me to go back. So they never beg or plead for anything, not kidding. I know the last time we did any type of shopping (besides grocery) was before Christmas. They are happy with what we have, and when things wear out or don't fit, we will replace what is needed.

By Mommyathome on Wednesday, March 24, 2004 - 12:42 pm:

I think it does start young. The second half of this school year my *kindergartener* has been very choosy about what kind of clothes she wants to buy and wear.
I don't remember being so choosy until at least 4th or 5th grade.
I'm thinking she gets it from me though I am very choosy myself.
If it comes to the point that we can't afford the best fashions, then we will just stop. There won't be any other choice. Either we can do it or not. It's just life!

Your DD is very cute BTW Not sure what I'll do when my DD's start what you're going through! I'll be back to ask your advice LOL

By Ladypeacek on Wednesday, March 24, 2004 - 01:09 pm:

i bought the shirt for her only becuase it was on sale. She has so much simply becuase she has alot of family that send her clothes. They ask her what she wants for her bday or christmas and its always clothes. I don't spend alot of money at all on clothes. i buy alot off ebay. In fact, i don't think i have ever bought her something in a dept store, its just too expensive for her to grow out of so quickly. I have told her that i will start picking out her clothes every day if she doesn't stop fighting with me every morning, She didn't like that idea so maybe she will stop. I want her to like what she wears though and be comfortable in it. I don't want to be so harsh that she doesn't care about her appearance at all, lol. Right now she is difficult with the clothes but she takes her showers every morning and brushes her teeth and takes good care of her hair. I guess i should be thankful for that!

By Marg on Wednesday, March 24, 2004 - 01:48 pm:

Our daughter is also 8, our two oldest daughters know what's in their closest and drawers. They pick out what they want to wear before the go to bed. Youngest dd is more choosey (sp?). Sometimes, she gets up and changes her mind. I don't care as long as she puts everything back. Her thing is when she wants to wear something and it hasn't been washed. She has a hard time remembering (lol) to put it in the hamper and bringing it to the laundry room. If it's not there, it's not washed.

Our littlest one would go around naked if she could

Yes, you should be glad about the good hygiene. Our daughters are like that, I'm not sure how the little one will turn out. She likes to play in the mud.

By Pamt on Wednesday, March 24, 2004 - 03:10 pm:

I agree that she has too many clothes and is overwhelmed. I would suggest narrowing down her clothes closet by about 1/2 and let her help in the process. Donate the clothes and make a big deal about that a girl her age who can't afford nice clothes will now have some special clothes to wear to school too. You also mention that you bought a shirt (that she didn't need and doesn't like) because it was on sale. Things "on sale" are never a good deal if they aren't necessary. I would really cut back on her clothes and hopefully you can work through this issue.

I'd also have her pick out an outfit at night and she's stuck with it the next morning EVEN IF she changes her mind. If that is still a nighttime battle, then I would encourage you to pick out 2 complete outfits and give her a choice between the 2. That way she still has some control of the situation, but she can't drag it out and be so wishy-washy about it.

I do think kids at this age have favorite clothes. I have boys (1st and 4th grade) and they have favorite sports jerseys that they like to wear over and over, they "must" wear lowrise socks (that you can't see) and boxers, and they like long shorts. However, my concern for your DD is that she seems so worried about what others think of her appearance. That is something that I seriously think you need to address now, because it could really become a serious problem in her teenage years. You say that she "worries so much that her outfit isn't fashionable." I'd really think about if you, DH, or other important people in her environment may frequently tell her how beautiful or cute she is (and she is adorable!!), but maybe she doesn't hear compliments as much like "you are such a good reader!," or "Wow that was smart thinking to solve that problem," or "You are so kind to offer your brother one of your cookies." I'd really focus on boosting her self-esteem in issues non-related to appearance.

By Coopaveryben on Wednesday, March 24, 2004 - 03:23 pm:

My mother would tell you I started the clothing argument when I was 3, It has always been important to me. My 4 year old neice is the same way (she ask for clothes for b-day and christmas, you should hear her scream with excitment when she gets them!). I also have a friend with a 14 year old and to punish her they ground her from her "good" clothes.

Everybody just has their own thing and perhaps this is hers, maybe she wil be a designer or a buyer one day. Perhaps have her decide what to wear the night before? or Tell her if she whines or complains you will choose her outfit....that should frighten her enough!

Maybe it would also help if you put her spring/summer clothes out of sight till they are more appropriate. This reminds me of the commerical where the mom is sick in bed and you see the kids putting on sandles, sundresses, and swimsuits, their Dad yells for them to come and they all step out into the snow...Too Cute!

By the way she is a very beautiful girl.

By Dawnk777 on Wednesday, March 24, 2004 - 03:51 pm:

My kids don't have enough clothes to be "grounded" away from some of them! LOL!

By Ladypeacek on Wednesday, March 24, 2004 - 04:21 pm:

Thank you everyone for your help.
Barb.. its so funny, my daughter does the same thing with her clothes, if its not in the hamper i don't wash it!! Then i make her wash it, well one time she turned her whites blue!! Well they make it to the hamper now, LOL

To address the comment about her worrying what others think, she doesn't. She wants to be fashionable for her. She is very grown for her age. She has never been worried about others. I think the fashion thing is really just a hobby. She draws pictures all the time of clothes! And we compliment her ALL the time on everything she does. She is in 3rd grade with an adult reading skill. She reads the same books as i do! She is great in math and most of her subjects.

I really don't have a problem with her being fashionable it just drives me nuts to hear her every morning!! I think it does simply because i have never been into fashion (something my dd reminds me of often, LOL)

I do admit that she does have alot of clothes. That is what she wants. She doesn't have alot of toys or dolls or stuff of that nature, she has never really enjoyed those things. She has never even had the need for a toybox! So i guess I let her have the clothes, Its what she likes! i really just needed a way to get her to calm down in the mornings!

By Bobbie on Wednesday, March 24, 2004 - 11:17 pm:

Then suggest she pick out the out fit for the next day the night before. OR She can pick out a couple of outfits to choose from if she can't pick just one. We use to have problems with the kids getting dressed in the morning. Could never decide what to wear. But once we started having them lay out the things the night before it all worked out just fine. If she is the type to like order. She might like setting up her outfits for the week on Sunday. Have her make tags for the hangers. She can pick out an outfit all the way to the socks/tights and have it hanging there ready for her to take out on the day she chooses to wear it. And if she were to change her mind the night before she could always change the tags up.

And a suggestion.... My DD is a clothes horse too. She is 14. When she gets tired of wearing her clothes or she gets a bunch of new (holidays) I make her unload some of the stuff she no longer wears. She has given bags of stuff to a few of her friends that are worse off than we are, we donated some to the local out reach, and we donate back to the Good will. But I will not buy new if I know she has stuff hanging in the closet she no longer has interest in. She has to ask two questions. 1. do I wear it? 2. will I wear it? If the answer is no it is gone. She still has a lot of clothing but we have it down to a controled amount. No need for things you won't wear. And I never buy anything for her with out her there. UNLESS I know 100% that she will love it. If I bring it home and she isn't thrilled it goes right back to the store. And another thing.. Don't talk her into getting something because you think it is cute. My idea of cute isn't always something my daughter would be caught dead in... Oh and my daughter has a friend that is to crazy about clothing and will not let anything go. It might seem trivial now but it can lead to major issues later . Besides a room full of clothing.(financial issues for one).. And yes you are lucky she takes care of herself.

By Janet on Thursday, March 25, 2004 - 12:04 pm:

My older dd (now 14) was picky about her clothes from about 4 yrs old...she used to dress in the most outrageous outfits! Her favorite would be a sundress with bright leggings that didn't match, or a neon pink dress with purple tights...LOL I used to try to get her to dress less loudly, but then I decided if she was appropriate to the weather and not offensive, then what's the harm? As she got older, we had a lot of problems with trying something on at the store, loving it, wearing it once, then never again. I would get so angry at her for that! Then she went through her big T-shirt phase in 4th and 5th grade, where she'd wear nothing but jeans and T-shirts (not cute ones, but big slouchy ones). Right now, though, I am very happy to say that she has impeccible taste, makes excellent and careful clothing choices, and always looks good. My point here? Choose your battles carefully. Bite your tongue if your dd doesn't want to wear the cute clothes you buy... let her find her own style. I also have a third grader and yes, there is pressure to wear certain clothes at that age. My older dd never cared, but my younger one does. Our fights there are over inappropriate clothes that are everywhere (sleazy girls' clothing...don't even get me started!).

Oh, BTW, your dd is absolutely lovely!

By Andyjoy on Thursday, March 25, 2004 - 04:15 pm:

I don't have a daughter yet, but I wanted to tell you all about my sister, in hopes that you can all keep your daughters from ending up like this!

First, I'm glad that you are taking this seriously. My parents thought it was just a phase, but my sister is turning 21 this summer and if anything, it's worse. Her obsession has reached the point where she thinks her self-worth is tied to her appearance.

At 6, she started carrying a comb in her bike bag so she could fix her hair when we were out playing. (by the way, she has always been great at sports, loved climbing trees, catching frogs, etc. as well as being a "girly-girl" who loved to dress up and play tea party)

At 8, she started obsessing over the latest fashion. My parents made her earn her own money for any special purchases above the usual family clothes budget. This was good for her, and she took better care of her clothes.

At 11, only had 3 or 4 outfits that were "cool" enough, so she would actually wash them every night and sometimes wear the same outfit for 3 days! My parents taught her to do her own laundry because she had a habit of changing outfits a dozen times and putting clothes in the laundyr instead of hanging them up. She also complained about not having clothes, even though her drawers were full.

At 12, she "forgot" to wear her brand new glasses all the time, because she didn't like the way she looked in them. (mom, dad, and I all wore them)

At 13, she snubbed thrifts stores completely. I loved them, because I could get 4x as many clothes for my money, but she decided she was above them.

At 15, she threw a screaming, crying fit when my dad wanted her to run down to church with him and pick up a few chairs on a Sat. before she had time to do her hair and makeup. Not a soul would have seen her, but she was panicked at the thought of not looking her best, nonetheless.

At 16, she started challenging our family guidlines on modestly, because what was popular didn't agree with our standards.

At 19, she went to college with $1000 in savings and spent all of it on clothes, makeup, the latest outing, etc. in 4 months.

At 20, she's ruining her eyes because she wears her contacts too many hours a day. She has gotten eye infections, but won't stop wearing them. She's damaging her skin with constant makeup and frequent tanning (she works at a tanning salon now).

My sister thinks her worth is tied to her looks. Other people helped fuel this. Growing up, I was usually praised for my intellect, while she was praised for her looks, though she was also smart, a gifted artist, and a great babysitter. She loved the attention and fed off of it. Now, she is so insecure inside that she masks it with a sarcastic, witty attitude and expensive, popular clothes and heavy makeup.

I'm not saying that your daughter is headed this way, but I just want to encourage everyone to show your daughters that their value isn't tied to their looks or the opinions of others. Don't let them end up vain and shallow like my sister.

By Vicki on Friday, March 26, 2004 - 07:51 am:

I also have a dd in the third grade and although she could care less if she is dressed in the most beautiful outfit in the world or sweat pants, allot of the girls in her class are VERY into clothes and style. I wish there was a happy medium between my dd and those girls! LOL I will go against most of the others and say that if she loves clothes and fashion, I don't see a problem with the number of items she has. I think that if you just have her pick out her clothes in the evening before bed, your morning battle will be solved. I would make one rule and STICK TO IT no matter what.....what ever she picks out the night before she HAS to wear. NO changing her mind in the morning. I would give that a try and see what happens! Good Luck, they sure can be bull headed at this age can't they!!

By Babysitbarb on Friday, March 26, 2004 - 08:48 am:

You think it's bad now just you wait. I have a 15 and 11 year old girls. The oldest is very picky and is bad for saying yes, I'll wear it and then she hardly does after I get it. Our biggest battle right now is the short shorts. Im getting her ready to go on a florida trip with the local youth group and I keep saying I think some of her shorts are to short for that trip. They even wrote in the info if we think as the staff that we don't agree with some of your clothing you will be asked to change. My DB is the main person in charge, so that makes me even more concerned.If she insists on the very expensive stuff then I make her use her own money and that makes a big difference on weither she gets it or not. My 11 year old has never been as picky but, she is starting to make comments on how her sister get the better and more expensive stuff and she doesn't. Then we have this discussion on how the 15 year old buys many of her own clothes and how the 11 year old would rather spend her money on junk.

By My2girlygirls on Monday, March 29, 2004 - 01:54 pm:

My 8 year old dd definitely has a style of her own. I just go with it! As long as everything is covered, not like she has anything to cover yet... (not to mention she doesn't like to have anything showing anyway). They have to develop their own sense of style. About the shoes, I am the guilty one here, my kids have tons of shoes. How about letting her do EXTRA chores to earn money to go buy her own shoes? Clothing too for that matter. It may not seem so urgent to have more stuff if she is the one paying for it.