I was wanting to get some advice from some people out there who maybe were in this situation or heck just anyone's opinion.

My middle son's birthday is 8/21, he will be three, so I registered him for pre-school next year (Tues.and Thurs. 8-11). Here is what concerns me, once he starts he will of course move to preK next year, Kindergarten the next and so on. I know I can always hold him back in pre-school one more year but it wasn't that easy for my oldest..he refused to go because all his friends were no longer there.

I always heard boys matured slower and if they were born in July/August it is usually best to hold them back one more year. Even if he is mature for his age when it is time to start Kindergarten, who wants to send their 17 year old off to college?

Has anyone had children in this situation? If so what did you do and would you have done anything different?

By Melanie on Monday, March 8, 2004 - 08:29 pm:

My son, Griffin, was born 8/2/97. I started him in preschool when he turned three. He spent two years in preschool and then we decided to go ahead and send him on to K. We decided to just wait and watch and he could always do two years of K if that was necessary. Another year of preschool simply didn't make sense for him. We also knew that having a child repeat K is very common here. For example, there were 17 K kids the year before and 5 of those repeated. So for us, that was a reasonable option. However, as it turned out it wasn't necessary. His teacher saw no reason for him to be held back. He is in first grade now and is at or above grade level in all areas.

Every child is so different. Some kids really benefit from an extra year when they are young in the class. For others, it isn't necessary. If you think he would enjoy school, go ahead and start him. And then just watch and make the decision of when to start him in K later. It's really too soon to know what will be best for him.

A friend of ours decided to have her child repeat K a couple years ago. The child was very upset about it. But then she pointed out how much easier things would be for him and really focused on the positive. By the time the school year came around he was okay with the situation. And the kid really blossomed that year.

Good luck. I am sure it will all work out just fine.

By Trina~moderator on Monday, March 8, 2004 - 09:04 pm:

To add to Melanie's comments... What is the cut off date for Kindergarten in your district? My DS's birthday is in August but because our district cut off date isn't until Dec. 30th, DS certainly wasn't the youngest in the class. Turned out he was right in the middle. We sent him at 5 and he did fine. If your cut off date is in Sept. that will make a big difference. It's early yet. See how your DS does in preschool and what the teachers recommend. My DS seemed quite young at 3 but really bloomed over those 2 years. Bottom line, trust your mommy instincts. You know him best.

By Mommyathome on Monday, March 8, 2004 - 09:43 pm:

My DD will be 5 on Aug. 24th. Our district cut off date is Sept. 1st. She will barely make it. School starts before she turns 5 (I think on the 16th of August, or there abouts), so she will start kindergarten when she is 4.
It's kind of tough because the girl down the street turns 5 on Sept. 9th (which was actually MY due date) and she will have to wait a whole extra year before she can go to kindergarten.
I just figure that we go by the rules for the cut-off date and monitor her closely in kindergarten to see how she is doing. She is right on target in her preschool class so hopefully there aren't any future problems.
I guess I didn't offer any suggestions, just letting you know that I'm right there with you on this one!

By Dawnk777 on Tuesday, March 9, 2004 - 12:17 am:

My older daughter (14) was born 8/4/89 and never went to preschool. Cutoff for kindergarten is September 1st. She was young in her class and the first quarter, the teacher could tell she hadn't had a preschool experience, but the first conference in November of kindergarten year, she already was adjusting and doing fine. She has progressed through school normally and done fine. I never considered holding her back. She is a smart kid.

By Jackie on Tuesday, March 9, 2004 - 04:54 am:

It is an individual thing. And, I have heard the thing about boys. My sons birthday is 8/19/94. I think the cutoff date for Kindergarten is like Sept 8, or there about. He was sent to preschool for 3 days a week 3 hrs a day when he was 4. At age 5 he started Kindergarten. Now he is in 4th grade, hes never had a problem being one of the youngest in class. I could see no reasn to hold him back. As a matter of fact it never crossed my mind.

By Kate on Tuesday, March 9, 2004 - 08:14 am:

Any opinions on a girl turning five on November 18th and school beginning the first week of September and a cut off date of December 1st?

By Lauram on Tuesday, March 9, 2004 - 08:23 am:

I agree that you really need to look at each child individually. Ask the teacher. THey know your child "that way" best. I was pushed by many (pediatrician, children's librarian) to accelerate my son and send him early (he'd 4/11/97 with a Jan 1 cut off date. I said, NO WAY! I'm so glad I did. Even though he was/is WAY advanced for his grade, his social/emotional skills are very weak. He needed that "extra" year of preschool without academic pressure. He still is weak in that area, but I can't imagine how bad it would be if we had pushed him ahead. He also needs lots of extensions in the classroom- which is hard on the teacher. I say, a happy child is better than a rushed one.

By Kernkate on Tuesday, March 9, 2004 - 08:49 am:

My DS was born on 9/9 the cut off date for our district is 9/1. So he didn't start school till he was almost 6. He was ready to start when he was almost 5 with 2 years of preschool. His preschool teacher wanted to write to the school to say that he would be too advanced if he had to wait that extra year. Needless to say he started school at almost 6 years old. He was more advanced then some of the students, but it was never a problem. He has done excellent since day 1 of school. So I guess that extra year really didn't hurt him.
I think the cut off of 9/1 is kind of early...but thats our school district

By Feona on Tuesday, March 9, 2004 - 10:07 am:

I have heard if you keep them back they find the school work easier. Something to think about.

By Debbie on Tuesday, March 9, 2004 - 10:42 am:

My ds has a July birthday. He will be starting preschool 3 days a week this fall at age 4. He will then be going into kindergarten at age 5, but it is only 1/2 days here. I am going to see how he does. He was in school a few mornings a week before we moved. Now that he is settled in, he tells me he misses school. He is very excited about starting again in the fall. He is a very social child and and really seems to need the social interaction.

I think that it really depends on the child. I feel one of the hardest parts about making this decision is that it is really hard to know how they will do until they are actually in a school setting. Like someone mentioned above, you can always hold him back.

Also I wanted to mention that I am an October birthday and when I started school the cut off was Nov. I started young and never had any problems. The only thing negative I remember is that eveyone was driving the year before me. I hated that. I even went away to college at age 17 and did fine.

By Kate on Tuesday, March 9, 2004 - 12:14 pm:

I think this has become such a big issue these days is because the curriculum has changed so much! The K curriculum is pretty much the old first grade curriculum. K is no longer a 1/2 day of playing house in one corner, car/garage station in another corner, and learning your colors and ABCs. It's usually a full day of academics and then homework on top of it. I wouldn't hesitate to send my November daughter if the old K curriculum still existed. K classrooms don't even have toys in them anymore! Maybe some legos or blocks or puzzles, but no dolls or dollhouses or housekeeping toys or trucks or trains and such. I miss that.

Plus, so many parents are competitive now and want to see their child succeed no matter what, that they do whatever they can to help that goal be realized. I think a lot of people hold their kids back so that they can be tops in the class. If I sent my November daughter at four, she'd be in a class with kids who are six in some cases! That's such a huge age gap. It's a tough decision and I'm dreading it in a few years.

By Cat on Tuesday, March 9, 2004 - 12:34 pm:

Depends on the child. Steriotypically, boy mature later than girls, but that's not always true. My parents kept my brothers back the extra year. Their birthday's are late September and early October. My birthday is early August and they sent me. My mom said they wanted to keep me back, but my cousin and the little girl down the street (one a few months older and one a month younger) were both starting and since they were my main playmates they felt I should start with them. My oldest brother (Oct birthday) excelled. The other brother still struggled and would have no matter when he started (some complications at birth that effected fine motor skills and cognitive function). I also excelled. The cut-off where we lived was December 1st. My boys birthdays are late August and mid October. They both started when they were 4 (Randy turned 5 the second day of school). The cut-offs with them were Dec. 30 (with Robin) and Dec 1 (with Randy). With Randy I have no regrets. With Robin I wonder if another year would have helped. I doubt it. I can't see him only if 4th grade right now accademically (he's very bright) but socially I don't know if he'll ever be where his classmates are. So really, you have to look at each child and identify their strengths and weaknesses and make the best decision you can at the time. Good luck.

By Coopaveryben on Tuesday, March 9, 2004 - 01:46 pm:

Sept. 1 is our cut off. I just hesitate to hold him back in any grade if he seems to need it. I am not really worried about academic as much as social. I also worry about him being 17 when he graduates, that seems so young.

By Coopaveryben on Tuesday, March 9, 2004 - 01:54 pm:

With my oldest in Kindergarten, I see the curriculum and he is reading already, I totally agree w/Cat. When I went it was like preschool, we had nap, center time, snack, etc. Kindergarten isn't about learning social skills anymore.

I know it's a little early to be thinking about this but once they start pre-school it seems like it is "on" from there. Thanks for all the great advice and telling me your experiences.

By Melanie on Tuesday, March 9, 2004 - 02:23 pm:

You have such hesitation in your posts about starting him. If in your gut you think it's best to wait, then wait. Trust that instinct. It appears to be driving you in one direction. That little voice inside you is usually right.

By Coopaveryben on Tuesday, March 9, 2004 - 02:36 pm:

Thank you Melanie, now it is just convincing my DH to hold off another year.

By Annie2 on Tuesday, March 9, 2004 - 09:02 pm:

I see nothing wrong with sending a 3 year old to preschool two am's a week. I have always sent my kids to preschool, even for one am a week. I think it is good for them to interact with their peers, learn to take direction from a teacher, etc. My kids have always enjoyed their school time. i also think it gives them confidence in themselves when they have to go to K for a full day. Many kids afterall are in day-care settings and have this under their belt.
Watch your son's progress. As formentioned k is different than when we were tots.
One of my dd's birthdays is in mid-August. The cutoff for our district is Oct. 1. She was one of the youngest kids in her class. She had been going to preschool two am's a week. Socially, physically she was ready, academically we weren't very sure. By the end of K we knew she wasn't getting things as fast as her peers. We talked to the teacher and decided that she was on the brink of "getting things" and k would become boring for her a few months into the new school year if we held her back.
We talked to her "would-be" first grade teacher and we decided to pass her to first and see how she did there.
She was ready socially again, motor skills right-on but she was struggling. She was getting A/B grades but she had to work hard. Too hard.
We decided to hold her back in first. We didn't want her to fall behind in higher grades or become discouraged with her learning. We made sure she became friendly with a few girls who would be in her new class with the same teacher.
She is now in second grade, thriving and loves school.
Do what you think is best. each child is different and you know your baby the best.

By Mommmie on Tuesday, March 9, 2004 - 10:00 pm:

I think it's sortof a community thing, too. In our community almost all summer birthday kids are held back (cut off Sept. 1). The school's here are just too competitive. The teacher's prefer to have them held back, too. Can't hurt to hold back, but it COULD hurt if they are put in when they are not quite ready - or even if they are!

By Lauram on Wednesday, March 10, 2004 - 08:40 am:

I have to agree with Annie that it's not really a decision you have to make yet. Whether you send him or not next year to preschool will not matter when it comes to K entry, which is several years down the road. WAY too early to tell. I work full time and my two year old goes to day car 9 hrs a day. He LOVES it! A couple hours twice a week for a three year old is not much in my opinion. But it sounds like YOU might not be ready for that. I think that's what you need to consider with dh.....