DS (7.5) and I had an interesting chat at bed time last night. It would explain why he hasn't been himself lately. At first it was the normal bed time chat but then he asked me to stay longer to talk. I asked what was up and he replied, "My world is falling apart." It was hard for him to explain but after encouragement he finally said, "I hate my school. I haven't learned anything new in weeks... I don't fit in..." He then went on to say he plays by himself at recess. I'm not sure exactly what to think of all this and/or where to go from here. He's academically inclined (in Gr. 2 reading at a 4th Gr. level, etc.) yet young socially. This in itself causes problems for him I'm sure. During our conference in Nov. his teacher said, "You may want to consider getting him tested for the Gifted program." He said DS was a "high level thinker". I'm not so sure I see him as gifted, but even so, if he qualifies will this program help?? I'm very concerned. He is usually a confident, easy going, happy-go-lucky kid, but lately has had a negative attitude. I realize some of it could be a developmental stage. I used to teach Gr. 3 and it wasn't uncommon for kids, boys especially, to go through a slump like this. However, in my DS's case I think there's more to it. He used to eagerly read and do homework daily but it has become a struggle. He is being mean to his sister and defying parental authority. NOT him at all! I've contacted his teacher and requested a conference, but wanted to run this by my cyber pals here. Has anyone been through a similar situation?

By Feonad on Wednesday, February 4, 2004 - 08:20 am:

If he is moved to a gifted program he will be around kids more like himself, and make friends easier.

By Debbie on Wednesday, February 4, 2004 - 09:11 am:

{{{{Trina}}}} I am sure it was so hard for you to hear that ds thinks his world is falling apart. However, it is great that he talked to you!!! I have no advice, but would love to hear what people think. My ds who is in K sounds a lot like your ds. He loves to draw and is a thinker. He gets along much better with the older dks in our neighborhood. His teacher also said he was academically inclined. I see him headed down this same road.

I would think that the gifted program would be a great thing to persue. I agree that it would allow him to be around kids more like him.

By Sunny on Wednesday, February 4, 2004 - 09:54 am:

Have him tested. If his teacher, who knows his work and capabilities, feels he should be tested, then go through with it. The worst that can happen is he doesn't qualify. I don't know what the guidelines are in your state, but in PA. it is based on a point scale (at least it was in 1997 when my son was tested). I would also look into the gifted program and see if it's something that your son would enjoy.

Without knowing yor son, I'm going to guess that he is gifted. He sounds a lot like my oldest, who was also tested for gifted in 3rd grade because of his teacher's recommendation. My son didn't feel like he fit in; many times he had already grasped whatever concept was being taught and got bored going over it again and again. He was ahead of most of his classmates and it was hard for him because of it. Socially, he was behind, but I know and have read of many times when the brain develops in one area and lags in another. Eventually, he caught up and, while he still gets nervous in social settings, he can hold his own. Getting involved with kids who were on his intellectual level helped him tremendously. This website has been mentioned before, so give it a once over and see if anything applies to your son. http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/

Now, I think every child goes through a defiant stage, and some continue to push to see if the boundaries have changed. If this is new behavior for your son, then it's a good bet that something else is going on. In my oldest's situation, my mother was dying when we learned he was gifted, so I don't know how much of his behavior was related to that. In may just be with your son that he's not being challenged and it is spilling over into his relationships with his family and his feeling that his world is falling apart. He doesn't know how to handle these feelings, but you are helping him so much by letting him share them with you. Persue the testing and see how much it helps him, then go from there.

(((hugs))) I'm sorry to have gone on and on, but I hope some of it helps!

By Colette on Wednesday, February 4, 2004 - 09:57 am:

Good luck Trina. I am sure you will do what's right for your son.

By Cat on Wednesday, February 4, 2004 - 10:59 am:

What kind of TAG program is it? Is it in a different classroom or a pull-out? Robin was in a TAG classroom (not only a seperate classroom but a different school all together) in the 2nd grade. There was some standard test I can't remember the name of when he was in the first grade that qualified him. If T is very attached to his friends and going to a TAG class would mean not being with them it might be better just to make sure he's being challenged where he is. In an ideal world each kid could learn at their own pace. Too bad we don't live there! Is the teacher willing to help him excel and challenge him, even if that means a little extra work for her? I know you could give him extra stuff at home, but it sounds like he needs it at school. It's hard being a smart kid. It's socially hard because their brains don't work like the other kids brains. They're just thinking about different things and even thinking different ways about normal things. I'm willing to bet T's very good at math, am I right? There's some abstract thinking there. Do what you think you need to for your son. You have the advantage of being an educator yourself so you know how the system works. I'm sorry he's having such a hard time. It's hard. Big hugs to both of you and keep us updated.

By Mommyathome on Wednesday, February 4, 2004 - 01:08 pm:

((((Trina))))
As you always say....trust your mommy instinct I think you are doing the right thing by exploring other options for your DS. It's good to get it taken care of now, before it escalates into something that can't be fixed as easily.
Good luck and let us know what you decide.

By Melanie on Wednesday, February 4, 2004 - 01:16 pm:

Poor kid. I am so impressed that he came to you to discuss this. That had to have been difficult for him.

When dh and I had a conference with Alec's teacher back in November she said that academically he was well ahead of all his peers, but that emotionally he was "the baby of her babies". She then went on to say that was very typical of gifted kids. (She qualified that statement saying she had no doubt he would test as gifted, since he's never been tested). In other words, it sounds like what T is going through is very typical for kids like him. Not that it makes it easier, but knowing that can be comforting.

I agree that he should be tested, especially if it results in his being around other kids like him. I would also suggest setting up more playdates outside of school. Give him an opportunity to bond with a couple of kids.

Also, does he have any extracurricular activities? You've mentioned before what a talented artist he is. What about putting him in an art class? I find that when kids feel like they have a special talent and can excel and be recognized for it, their confidence just grows in all areas.

And if T wants a pen pal, let me know. I have just the kid who I think would be a great match for him.

Good luck, Trina. T is going to be fine. You are doing just the right thing by meeting with the teacher and coming up with a plan of action. ((((HUGS)))) to both of you.

By Mommmie on Wednesday, February 4, 2004 - 02:02 pm:

I have a neighbor boy who is a high level thinker, very bright, very high IQ, but emotionally, developmentally and socially he is behind. It's obvious enough where he won't reveal his age. He looks like a 9-year-old, but I think he's 11. His parents won't divulge the age either. Anyway, he is in a private Montessori school that goes to 8th grade. That way he can work at a 7th or 8th grade level, but not get eaten alive in the public school socially. (And since he's in Montessori he isn't in any specific grade, like 5th grade or whatever.) The public gifted program is only a 1 day a week pull out and the kid is in the regular classroom the other 4 days.

That's great he told you how he was feeling!

By Melissa on Thursday, February 5, 2004 - 06:38 am:

My dd is very bright but also a real social butterfly so we don't have that problem, but we have had her in Montessori for k and 1st grade b/c she missed the state K cut off by 1 month. I think Montessori like lots of things, has the potential to be really great or wacky. If you can find a great one it probably would be perfect. They work at their own pace and it is very accepting of everyone. Lexi is doing division, fractions and learning about space. Our thing with her was keeping her challenged and keeping her love of learning. It was a great decision for her. Next year we plan to give Public school a try if they will let her be in 2nd grade. We'll see how it goes. I also thought about the extra activities that is a great way to meet kids and build confidence.

I have one other thought and I almost didn't say it b/c I didn't want you to take it wrong but I'm going to say it and hope for the best.

I know with your DS's allergies and all you have to be vigilant and more protective than if he didn't have that but could this be contributing to his being younger than his peers? I'm sure it isn't all of it, but sometimes when kids have something like that it is easy to start treating them as younger than they are. I know that this is a serious problem and there may not be any room for change with it right now or maybe it doesn't apply at all. I guess it comes to my mind b/c I had overprotective parents (for no reason) and it definately affected my self esteem and age in relation to my peers.

By Eve on Thursday, February 5, 2004 - 08:54 am:

Trina, are there any science clubs that he could belong to? I did Odyssey of the Mind and it was fun. It was science projects and competitions, but fun while learning. If there are any kind of clubs that would challenge him to really think and be creative, I think that would be great!

Not that I think that's the issue. If he's not being challenged in school, that's no fun for him. I would get him tested and go from there. Then, you can see what they can offer, and make choices then. I would take it one step at a time. ((HUGS)) No Mom wants to hear their child is having a tough time is school, whether it be socially or academically.

Melissa, interesting thought about treating kids younger due to a health issue. I think sometimes that does happen. I just don't see that as the case here at all. I think vigilant and overprotective are two very different things. Trina's DS, is very outgoing and seems to speak up for himself. Especially when it comes to his allergies. He'll decline food if he is worried, and I've seen Trina try to encourage him that it's safe. I think he remembers being in the hospital, and the ambulance rides, and the shots. He is making a lot of choices on his own. It's life or death for him though, so Trina does have to be watchful at the same time she's letting him make his own choices.

I do agree that being overprotective affects self esteem though! If kids are not allowed to think for themselves, they think "What's wrong with me? Why can't I figure it out on my own. I must not be able to."

Trina, just be thankful it's happening now and not when he is older. You have the time to help him before he really gets discouraged with school! He may really find his nitch now. I think this may be a blessing in disguise.

By Lauram on Thursday, February 5, 2004 - 03:06 pm:

I actually am teaching gifted (in CT) right now, and all I can tell you is every program is different. In our district, from what you said about his reading level, he would probably NOT qualify- but then again we have tons of kids who are performing at that level. It's more than reading level though. The way you describe him socially could be something. Some describe gifted as asyncronous development. That means- reading they may be three years ahead, but socially two years behind... It's certainly worth exploring though. As far as programming, in CT the state schools are required to TEST for gifted, but not program. That's up to the individual districts. Also, if you are gifted in one town, it doens't mean you are gifted in another. As far as programming it is all over the map as well. So, once he's identified, you'd have to explore that as well. Ours is 2 hrs of pull-out once a week. That's pretty typical. Also, I work with teachers to differentiate instruction for their gifted and high performing students in the classroom. That is critical as well.

By Dawnk777 on Thursday, February 5, 2004 - 03:42 pm:

My 11dd was nominated for the gifted program at her middle school for language arts. We had to sign a paper to say it's okay to do the testing. Then dd takes a few days to give the teacher the permission slip, but she finally did. So, I don't know when they will do the testing. Not today, I know, since she was on a field trip. They must have read the book, "Holes", since they watched the movie right before the semester break and today, they went to Milwaukee to see it performed as a play.

By Ladypeacek on Friday, February 6, 2004 - 09:41 am:

Hi, i have an 8 year old daughter and she too is good in school but young socially, which i think is mostly my fault ( she did not have much interaction with other children before school). They tried her in higher grades for some subjects to keep her interested but it made her feel much worse and much more left out and alone. I had to make the decision that as long as she was so unhappy her grades would suffer. She is doing a little better but i think she just has to make her own way, i just try to ask everyday how things were going on the friend front and now she feels more comfortable explaining whats going on and she is even making more friends.

By Lauram on Friday, February 6, 2004 - 11:28 am:

Dawn- that reminds me. In my district, you have to be gifted (or demonstrate exemplary abilities and need specialized instruction) in multiple domains- meaning language AND math. That is not the case for all districts, but something to ask about as well, Trina. Oh- our testing takes me about 8 weeks to complete. THat again will vary district to district depending on the extent of the testing that is done. We test a lot of different ways.

Also, Trina, part of our gifted pull out program addresses the social/emotional needs of gifted students. If it gets that far, you might want to ask how that is addressed as well.