Just whining!
Moms View Message Board: Parenting Discussion: Archive January-June 2004:
Just whining!
I have three kids and I hate school! WE are just overloaded with work and stress the past two weeks, science fair is next week so there is some light. But here is my big whine. My youngest son is off (not quite sure of a DX), so he is constantly in trouble, his teacher handles it very well. He got a note home from the PE teacher yesterday, first one, which means he was REALLY off yesterday. Oldest child, ugh...she has just struggled all year, she always does. She just isn't a hard worker and has very very low self esteem. Well in my world my middle kid is "the good kid". He does great in school no troubles. Well I guess he hasn't been doing so great, he certainly is lazy, doesn't work to his potential...but his potential is 100's and he brings home 96's. Well he got in trouble at school yesterday, has to stay in recess, I had a voice message from the teacher, etc. All really piddly problems in the grand scheme of things, but I just feel like such a loser of a parent. All three of my kids are not meeting their potential (okay maybe the youngest is..LOL). I just sit and think if I were a better parent I would have been able to raise children that worked harder and loved school. I know the reality is I am sure I can improve, but I know I am not that bad! Just having a little pity party here. I thought being home with toddlers was tough, it was crazy busy, but now I see that for me dealing with the "judgement" from the outside world is so much harder. Boy am I ready for summer! Only 81 days of school left!
((HUG)) You know, all you can do, is just your best. I know, it's tough when you compare kids with other kids and parents with other parents. I think the world would be a pretty boring place if everything was easy all the time, and all the kid were perfect. I think it's normal for kids to go through times of testing their own limits and testing yours too. Hang in there!! Summer will be here before you know it! 
I have really enjoyed most of the Love and Logic ideals. They have books and such dealing with grades and behavior too. I find them really motivating! If you have a chance and are interested, they have a Website. www.loveandlogic.com
You know eve, I have heard you and Melanie I think poast on this for a while and have done some reading. I think you are right, I need to read some more. I am going to head out to the library today, I gotta do something!
Kaye-I think all you can do is to motivate yourself to stay positive when dealing with all this parenting stuff. I can only imagine what you are going through. When DD turned 18 months, I thought I would jump out of a window. I was so stressed out! LOL! Thankfully, Melanie told me about Love and Logic and I know I am a much better parent today because of it.
Just wanted to say, it doesn't have to be L&L, just whatever motivates you keep doing your best! Parenting is so much more difficult than I thought. (I thought the newborn stage was the toughest. I laugh about that now! LOL!) I hope you find something that helps. ((HUG))
Kaye, your middle child sounds a bit like my oldest. School comes very easily for him. So he doesn't always put in the time and effort to perform to his full potential. He'd rather go fast, get it done first, and move on to other things. With him I found I had to find an activity that he really had to work at. He had to be humbled a bit. For him that was skiing. It was the first thing he tried that he really wanted to do that didn't come easy. And you know what? His teacher noticed a difference in his attitude at school immediately. She could not believe when he all of a sudden slowed down and put in the extra effort. I didn't imagine before hand that learning this activity would have such a broad impact on him.
My younger son sounds a bit like your dd. He was so intimidated by what his older brother could do that he started choosing not to try things. He would always say, "I can't" or "I'm not good at that". He wouldn't recognized for a second that his brother is 1.5 years older.
Dh and I became very worried about him and where this was heading. I could see his esteem dropping. I watched closely and wanted to find some area he could excel at and have as his very own.
We found it. For him that was roller hockey. We told his older brother he couldn't play so that younger ds could have it all to himself. And you know what? That kid is good. He works so incredibly hard at it. A couple of weeks ago we took him to a four hour hockey camp (he's 6). He came home and did not take those skates off until bed time. And the best part is his confidence all around. He loves to be recognized for doing a good job, he loves attention and he feels good about who he is. He has the same teacher he had last year and she has commented about how much he has changed and grown over the last year.
I don't mean to tell you to add more activities to your already stressful life. LOL. But perhaps you can find what your kids' niches are and really focus on those. Put your energy into what they enjoy and do well at. And I bet you will see huge improvements all around.
Good luck. I hope that helps a little.
(Oh, and as always I will second Eves's Love and Logic suggestion!)
Let me get some cheese to go with the whine because I HEAR YOU!!!
School is not like when we were kids that's for sure. It's so demanding and academic with tons of homework that schools expect the parents to be involved in 120% every night. It's nuts. I'VE ALREADY BEEN TO SCHOOL! It's totally out of hand.
And the constant criticism...my Lord. Insane. I don't want a blow by blow of every little thing my son does. And the punishments are so over the top for minor things! And if it's not the teacher, it's some other parent or a dirty look from a stranger in a store or a family member saying, "MY child would never do that - if I had children." Right.
I finally put my son in a private school for intelligent kids with learning differences and ADHD and I tell you what, it has made all the difference in the world! Our life is wonderful again, like prior to when we entered the negative world when he started kindergarten.
I truly wish for you an equally good solution. I don't think you are a bad mom at all!! It's not you. You're doing fine. Children are born with their own personalities, strengths, weaknesses, likes and dislikes. We work with what we got!
I'm also a L&L believer. Gets rid of that guilt!
(((Kaye))))
My dh wants to write a book about the public school system and it will step on a lot of toes, that's how afraid he is to write it. But unless you sit in every class, every day know one really knows what's going on. Dh is a behavior specialist and is subcontracted to the school district.
It's a scary world for you and your kids.
Laura I couldn't have said it any better!
I also sent our dds to private school. Oldest dd did not talk until she was 3 and 1/2. She was so smart, but she had a language/speech delayment and the psychologist said in time these two wires (used it as an illustration) in her head will connect and everything will fall into place. Until then everything was a disaster. The last day of second grade she said "they're passing me just to pass (get rid of ) me." Talk about low points
Too many kids, too many learning differences, too many teachers who don't care. I hated school. I did extremely well, but I hated school. Teachers do have pets,we all see it with our own eyes, dd was not a teacher's pet, she was considered a "throw away" student.
In this private school, she goes m-th and I homeschool on Fridays. She has been on the high honor roll ever since she started. She works at her own pace, so if she doesn't understand something, she can stop and go back over as many times as she wants.
And believe me private school is so much more academically challenging and independent work. However, they love it and do not want to go back to public schools.
Kaye, I know how you feel, just look at the positives, they know how much you love them and you love them for who they truly are
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