Any "alterna moms" out there?
Moms View Message Board: Parenting Discussion: Archive January-June 2004:
Any "alterna moms" out there?
I hope I don't offend anyone, maybe if I do someone could direct me to another message board but are there any moms here that are interested in alternative healing,natural childbirth , homeopathic medicine, etc. Let me tell you a little about myself. I had a completely natural childbirth and it was a beautiful yet challenging experience. If I am blessed enough to have another I hope to have a home birth.I left the hospital the next day after my son was born, and he did not recieve any tests in the hospital. I did not take so much as an advil my whole pregnancy.My child has never been given a vaccine and just got his first cold at age one. I do not plan to vaccinate him. I am not opposed to using antibiotics if they are really neccesary but believe they are most often over prescribed. We also buy organic, have a family bed and I am continuing to breastfeed until he self weans. Maybe here in Los Angeles this is not so unusal. Feel free to kick me off this board and send me flying somewhere else, or let me know if you relate.
I respect everone's differences, including my own -Thanks
Chloe, I doubt if you will offend anyone, though you may get some discussion - especially about vaccines.
As long as you are not promoting a particular product, system or item for money, you are free to post about your lifestyle and how you raise your family.
Hi Chloe. I'm with you on a lot of what you say. I tried to have a natural childbirth with the one child I gave birth to (I have 5 kids), but had to have an emergency section 27 hours later.
My kids did have the tests at the hospital. One of my nephews had PKU, and if you don't find that out at birth, it has devestating results.
I went to the chiropractor when preg, to deal with back pain, rather than taking meds.
We all see the chiro before the doc.
My kids only had some of the vaccinations.
We take whole food supplements. I have done the organic thing, but can't afford it with such a big family.
I don't do the family bed thing, because I like my space, but also because 7 people wouldn't fit in my bed. LOL
I find it very interesting to hear how everyone chooses to parent. I'm sure no one will take offense to anything you have to say.
Hi Chloe. Your post got my attention so instead of just lurking I figured I'd post.
I really admire your parenting style. I didn't chose natural childbirth, but wish I had. My dh and I have been attachment parents before we knew our style had a name. It just felt right. No cio, spanking and we are still know to have dd sleeping with us. We also don't discipline with any kind of threat.
We did vaccinate her and really if I had it to do all over again I don't think we would. I hear you on the issue of antibiotics.
You aren't alone in your style. There are 2 books that I really like. "Children learn what they live" and "The Natural Child". If you ever want to e-mail me feel free. fyfwid@yahoo.com
We aren't here to criticize you! It is interesting to hear everyone's parenting ideas.
I DEFINITELY advocate breast feeding for as long as possible, and self-weaning. I also used to belong to a food co-op when my older kids were little, and made a lot of my own baby food.
I am ALWAYS interested in natural/alternative healing. I use both, that and coventional medicine.
We are always open to learning new things. I certainly learn a lot from our discussions here.
BTW- They didn't really call it a 'family bed', back in the 70's, but I guess that's what I had. Because DH was deployed so much, the kids most often slept with me. When DH would come home, it was nearly impossible to make them go back to their own beds. LOL!
My kids would never start out the night sleeping with us, but we had quite a few years that eventually small bodies would end up in bed with us. First one, then the other. It really ended way too quickly! Starting school would set it off, as did thunderstorms and who knows what else. They were always welcome and would go right back to sleep. Neither one of them was a kicker or wanted to sleep sideways, so it generally worked out well for us.
Not offending me at all!!
I've had four completely natural childbirths (2 in birthing centers - 2 homebirths) My 5th child was born in a hospital - emergency c-section ;)
I breastfeed and let my children self wean.
We share a family bed.
My daughters are not/will not be vaccinated.
I completely agree with you on the issue of antibiotics.
I buy/use organic products.
I use cloth diapers.
I practice, for the most part, attachment parenting.
I would love to discuss any or all of these things in more detail with you! Welcome to the boards!
Hi
really glad to hear from you. Your choices actually seem to mirror my own and I was thrilled when I read your post !!I went for the Bradley method of natural childbirth( I wanted a homebirth but DH freaked so we went with the hospital thing but a very supportive doctor) , breastfed for 14 months until DS decided to wean himself, practice attachment parenting and am a member and advocate of LLL . I use cloth diapers and everything organic for DS who recently turned 2.We joined an organic farm Co op last summer thru fall and got really spoilt on the totally fresh u-pick fruits and veggies, not to mention poultry and honey. I'll be going back next summer of course!We do share a family bed. That was a life saver at the beginning when DS was breastfeeding exclusively. Now we just love being together, cuddling up, reading stories and falling asleep on top of each other!I actually do believe in vaccinations. I also practice homeopathy, ayurvedic and herbal medicine for DS and the whole family. It's wonderful not having to deal with side effects of most over the counter medicines. I was brought up exactly the same way and so it was an easy choce to make when DS came along. I've been a vegan my whole life except during pregnancy when every KFC commercial sent me into a chicken craving frenzy!!Back to veganism now, thank God!I love reading Dr Sear's books . Being a first time parent, his books have been a life saver many a time.
We are a group of mothers who practice similar parenting choices and live within driving distance and meet once a month atleast. So that is really a good support system as many times DHs don't see our point of view .
Welcome
Wow,
I am truly amazed that so many of us favor the attachment parenting lifestyle!!! I have to say I had my first daughter really young and didn't even realize that I was an attachment type mommy! I started meeting people and reading and soon discovered I fell into this category. My children both had cribs and never used them. They have been in the bed with us since day one! Its so funny because my daughter(10) still loves to sleep with mom! Neither one of my children took to the bottle, so breastfeeding it was....My daughter didn't self wean, but she was breastfeed until she was two! My son breastfed for way to long....*blushing* Lets just say if I wouldn't have weaned him he would still be on it! LOL I didn't realize all the controversy around immunizations until I moved to S. California 2 years ago. Both of my children were vaccinated, but I definitly would have reconsidered this decision if I had more information at that time! Feels nice to know many of us have the same view!!
Thanks everyone for joining this discussion. A farm Co-op sounds really wonderful. Not so much a reality here in an apartment in L.A. Maybe when we move to Virginia. I was inspired by everyone's comments, especially Jenn, mother of 5. You are who I want to be when I grow up. I'm glad I am not alone on this message board. I guess I was raised along these lines (my mother had three natural childbirths) so I knew it was possible.Keep posting everyone and Happy New Year!
Thanks everyone for joining this discussion. A farm Co-op sounds really wonderful. Not so much a reality here in an apartment in L.A. Maybe when we move to Virginia. I was inspired by everyone's comments, especially Jenn, mother of 5. You are who I want to be when I grow up. I'm glad I am not alone on this message board. I guess I was raised along these lines (my mother had three natural childbirths) so I knew it was possible.Keep posting everyone and Happy New Year!
I don't know about the "alterna" mom thing, but I am concerned about the vaccines. What do you plan on doing about education. A child is not admitted to a public school or private school with out a health form and all vaccines! Just something to think about.
Were you vaccinated? Have you ever been with the chicken pox or any other life threating illness, it is not a fun period in life.
anon...a school requires a health form and the vacinnes are typically part of it. But if you get a note from a doc or state that it is part of your belief system they waive that. Honestly they just want to know what they are dealing with. I think you would be suprised at how many people you know that aren't fully vacinated. And as for the chicken pox...hmmm..not sure I consider that a life threating illness. It can cause death, just like the flu, but it is abnormal.
Yes, Kaye I agree about the chicken pox. It's supposed to be easier for smaller children but I didn't get it until preteen years. It was no fun but I've had worse life experiences. There is a waiver and it's very simple. A lot of people don't know that and they are "scared' into vaccinating because they think it goes hand in hand with education. This is still a free country (sort of) and vaccinating should always be an option, not a law. If you want more info about this check out the site below. Also my baby brother had a bad reaction to purtussis(sp?)so he never had another innoculation . He's 19 and doing just fine.
>http://www.nvic.org
Yes, Kaye I agree about the chicken pox. It's supposed to be easier for smaller children but I didn't get it until preteen years. It was no fun but I've had worse life experiences. There is a waiver and it's very simple. A lot of people don't know that and they are "scared' into vaccinating because they think it goes hand in hand with education. This is still a free country (sort of) and vaccinating should always be an option, not a law. If you want more info about this check out the site below. Also my baby brother had a bad reaction to purtussis(sp?)so he never had another innoculation . He's 19 and doing just fine.
>http://www.nvic.org
Anon,
Please review the posting guidelines regarding Use of the Anonymous Feature.
What is the definition of the "family bed"?
We don't camp the family in the master bedroom. The kids have their own beds and usually start out there at bedtime. Two of our four stay in their beds for the most part and have always been hard sleepers. Two of our kids have never slept well, wake often and have a hard time falling back to sleep.
We have night time "kittens" that come to visit. I usually let them settle in to fall back to sleep, then gently carry or walk them back to bed.
How do I not fall back to sleep with them? I do but carry along a traveler's alarm clock!
My youngest is six. The night time traveling is slowing down..... for the kids at least.
Dh and Ds snore, so sometimes I still "travel" just to find a quiet room!
I am a firm believer that what works for one family may or could not work for another. Each child is different, each day is different. Find what works for you and stay with it.
I am a firm believer for vaccinations. My dh's uncle died a slow, painful, too young death at the age of 36, due to polio. In 1955.
My aunt just barely survived the "rickets" two years ago...
because she did not contract the illness as a child. To me the illness can be worse than the shot.
Our kids are all vaccinated, as well as DH and I.
We don't allow the kids to sleep in our bed. They've never really asked or tried it before. I don't think my oldest DD has ever came in during the night. My middle DD comes in when she hears a siren. She lays with us, we talk about it, and when she calms down she goes back to her own bed. My DS won't fall asleep in our bed either. Only his own. I'm perfectly happy with that because I like to have alone time for myself and DH without the kids between us.
We grow a vegetable garden some years...if we get the seeds in the ground in time
I've had epidurals with all of my kids, and plan to have one with my next as well. (I'm not big on pain!) I didn't breastfeed any of my kids, but will try again with the next one.
All of my kids are very healthy and very happy, well adjusted individuals.
It is interesting to see everyones different styled of parenting. Ditto the above statement "I am a firm believer that what works for one family may or could not work for another. Each child is different, each day is different. Find what works for you and stay with it. "
Just thought I would add my .02 in. You raise your kids the way you see fit. Everyones life is different. The vaccine thing scares me though, I too thought EVERONE had to have been vaccinated.
I have seen the outcome of a bad reaction to a vaccine, my neighbor has a 22 yo quad since the age to 2. It is sad to see the *normal* pics of the boy.
As for the bed, coming from a family of 8 in a 4 bedroom house I know about sharing. I found when I got older and on my own how hard it was to SLEEP by myself. Weird???
As far as vaccines, I just see the fact that third world countries dont vaccinate and people die ALL the time whereas her in the US we really strive to get people to use them. Especially children! And we rarely have cases of diseases. I'd rather vaccinate my DD than having her catch something years down the line and me feel guilty for what I thought was right.
Im not saying theres a right or wrong way, that just what I think when it comes to vaccinating my DD.
As far as natural medicine, I was just curious on what you would use for teething babies. I'd prefer not to give DD Tylenol/Motrin everytime shes in pain. Are there alternative methods without her being in pain? TIA
Melissa, This idea for teething isn't homeopathic but when Timmy was teething someone finally suggested it and it was like, "duh, why didn't I think of that?" Try a wet frozen washcloth for her to chew on. It will be a good weight for her to hang onto and easy to grip. Plus, it will catch some of the drool.
HI boxzgrl , I used "teething tablets" homeopathic combo remedy sold by that name at health food stores. Also Chamomilia 30c strength is the medicine used for teething in homeopathy. I ve tried the 200c strength 2-3 pellets as well during acute pain. Then I've also added Belladona 30c strength I've used for ds when he has fever with his teething.There is a good little book called "Homeopathy for children " which I think you could read if you like to get a much better understanding of giving homeopathy to kids. It's my bible. Ds gets only homeopathic and herbal meds . They have proven to be side effect free for us just as the common belief goes.I was vaccinated but otherwise received only alternative meds myself and I continue the practice with my family as well.( Thankyou mom!)
It would be best to familiarise yourself with the whys, whens and hows before changing anything as I'm sure you already know.Most good health food stores carry all of the above.
Kittycat--
thanks for the advice to melissa! I will use the in the upcoming months!
I'm not here to debate the pros and cons of parenting styles, but I feel compelled to butt in here. "Belladonna" was mentioned to reduce fever---do you know that belladonna is the same as "deadly nightshade" and is a plant that many pharmaceutical narcotics are derived from? When you consider that homeopathic medicines have no outside regulating force like the FDA I would be VERY careful about giving such a potent thing to an infant, esp. since strength of the herb, supplement, etc. can be widely variable.
Just to give 2 sides of the coin I have posted a homeopathic link and a Walgreens link so you can see what a serious drug you are dealing with here. Belladonna=phenobarbital and atropine.
http://www.botanical.com/botanical/mgmh/n/nighde05.html
http://www.walgreens.com/library/finddrug/druginfo.jhtml?particularDrug=Belladonna
Anonymous you said What do you plan on doing about education. A child is not admitted to a public school or private school with out a health form and all vaccines! Just something to think about.
You couldn’t be more wrong. My unvaccinated children attend public schools and there are several other students in the school that I know of who are also unvaccinated. Public schools cannot deny your child an education simply because you choose not to vaccinate. There are several exemptions available that vary by state. Medical exemptions are accepted within all states, but it is the most difficult to acquire. The medical exemption is the one that we have because of our “history” with the vaccinations. A religious exemption is available in all states except West Virginia and Mississippi. A philosophical exemption is available in Arizona, California, Colorado, Idaho, Louisiana, Maine, Michigan, Minnesota, New Mexico, Ohio, Oklahoma, Utah, Vermont, Wisconsin, and Washington. It allows parents to refuse vaccines based on their conviction that the risks may outweigh any perceived benefits.
You also said Were you vaccinated? Have you ever been with the chicken pox or any other life threating illness, it is not a fun period in life.
Yes I was vaccinated. Yes I did have the chicken pox. My son also had the chicken pox at age 2 – the vaccine wasn’t available at that time, and even if it was I would not have opted to get it.
Annie2 you asked /b{What is the definition of the "family bed"?} There is no one definition of the family bed. There is a basic ideal – many variations of which are practiced by parents who cosleep. The very basic definition would be that cosleeping is the practice of having your infant in your bed with you during sleep. Some parents choose to cosleep only in the infant stages, for other parents cosleeping continues through the toddler years. For some parents they consider themselves cosleeping when their child is in their own separate bed that saddles the parents bed therefore allowing the same continued contact through the night. It’s a personal decision as far as how you choose to practice cosleeping and the duration of time that you wish to practice it for. There is no one way of doing it ;)
You also said /b{I am a firm believer for vaccinations. My dh's uncle died a slow, painful, too young death at the age of 36, due to polio. In 1955.
My aunt just barely survived the "rickets" two years ago...
because she did not contract the illness as a child. To me the illness can be worse than the shot.}
Well….my son died at an all too young age as well as the result of a vaccination. Also are you aware (and I would be more than happy to dig up the actual statistics on this for you!) that with certain illnesses (pertussis/whooping cough comes to mind) an astounding amount of more children that were vaccinated contracted the illness than unvaccinated children. Where do you think the illness derived from…and why the sudden panic to change it from an active to inactive combination. Hmmm…..
As far as homeopathic remedies…well some of us do, some of us don’t. I wouldn’t let my child ingest mercury either – but some parents choose to allow it to be injected into their child on a regular basis.
Isn’t it interesting how everytime any topic on natural parenting is posted you can guarantee their will be a debate of some sort regardless of the forum that it’s been posted in. Yet you never see any attacks from the “natural moms” on some of the cold methods of parenting that others have posted…some downright neglectful in my book. But that’s another discussion for another time….and I’ll be sure to begin that debate in the proper forum.
jennlyn I am sorry about your loss of your son. Things do get rough at times I am sure. But I do see by your profile you have beautiful kids and should be proud. Stick up for what you believe in.
But I feel tension in your post to annie2. JMO. We are here to help and express and spread knowledge and help one another since the Drs do NOT educate us parents what so ever until it is too late.
I couldn't agree more with you Jennln about the attacks on "natural moms ".And so so very sorry about your son.
Pamt , I am answering from experience. We're from Europe and my mom used Homeopathic remedies since their inception and is WIDELY used all over in Europe and Canada and Asia and Australia. I know this from personal experience. I've been to all these places.
More importantly , I grew up with eight brothers and sisters and countless cousins brought up the same way. In AMERICA ,our group of 15-20 AMERICAN moms have the exact same parenting style and myself and there are millions more .My friends and myself all have babies and have used these medicines successfully.(Yes, homeopathic "belladonna too" !) One really needs to fully understand the philosophy of homeopathic medicines. The strength means the level of dilution. All the medicines are diluted to harmless levels .I know it's hard to grasp until you really read about it.
Anyway I'm not an authority by a long shot. The National Homeopathic association has board certified alternate physicians and not ignorant adults playing doctor.This is a real regulated practice and more information on the efficacy of alternate medicines should be obtained before disregarding due to lack of adequate or correct info.
It's horrible to see a baby suffering from the numerous side effects of anti biotics or even so called simple nasal decongestants. My pediatrician even had another over the counter medicine for the side effects which itself had it's own side effects !! and so it goes on.
I thank the Lord that alternate medicines are available and my ds who is 2 yrs now hasn't had to go thru ANY side effcts whatsoever while recovering from coughs and cold and Flu and croup even.Same goes for the kids of the other moms in our spiritual mothering group.
There are web pages and links debating the pros and cons of everything under the sun. Personal mom to mom experience is what matters more to me . Ofcourse one needs to educate oneself bfore changing anything for a baby BUT armed with an open mind and the right attitude.No offense at all and none taken by me either . Just wanted to clarify.I wouldn't dream of giving any advice that I haven't personally experienced as a parent and in this case quite successfully. So please, everybody, don't misunderstand . These are all my personal and true experiences.
PamT- THANKS for the Belladonna info. I know exactly what Phenobarbitol and Atropine are and i'd never use that on DD. I think i'll stick with the wet washcloth thing. Otherwise, I trust Tylenol/Motrin more, simply because I dont much about the "natual" "herbal" remedies.
Everyone, thanks for the input in general. I don't have a certain side on this issue but all the info is good.
I think there is merit to the "natural" parenting method (for lack of a better term), and I have practiced some of the behaviors. My daughter slept in bed with us for the first few months. But DH and I have too much sex to have the kids in bed with us LOL It is an important part of our marriage and I am curious as to how the "family bed" couples deal with that issue??
I am having a boy in late March and I have chosen not to have him circumsized - if I knew in 1997 what I know now, my oldest would not have been either. But it is true that moms are not educated on all the risks and results of the medical choices we have to make for our kids.
As far as immunization goes, I understand that there are risks involved. All the sympathy of my heart goes out to the mom who lost a child to a vaccine (I would be curious to understand how, whether it was an allergic reaction or what).
I think if you look at the big picture, however, there is a public health issue. If all moms chose not to vaccinate, what would that do to the general public? I think that in the current situation, moms who coose not to vaccinate benefit from the fact that most parents DO vaccinate their kids and so there is little chance of a non-immunized child coming in contact with polio, for example.
Who says sex has to take place in the bedroom?
Good advice Blueridge mom about vaccines. My thoughts exactly.
Ditto Blueridge mom as well, regarding vaccines.
If you "read" tension in my post then you read it with tension. I have none. My kids sleep in our bed, room, on occasion, but have their own rooms where I want them to sleep. I was curious about what was meant by the "family bed". I watched a segment on one of the night time news shows where the entire family had their beds in one room. It was referred to as "the Family Bed". Since we don't have this set up in our home, I only wanted to clarify. I am fine with this, but not for my family. IT wouldn't work for us. Mainly because, as I mentioned, DH and DS snore and I need/want my sleep.
I AM a firm believer in vaccinations. This is also my strong conviction. For my reasons, which I stated. You have yours, which I respect. I didn't try to talk you out of them.
I didn't want a debate. I only stated what I do in my home...for my reasons.
Maybe I shouldn't butt in here, but Annie2, I believe it was Missy3 telling Jennln that she felt tension TOWARD you, BY Jennln. She wasn't saying there was tension in YOUR post...but that Jennln's post BACK to you contained tension toward you.
Hope I've helped and not made things worse. I apologize if I've overstepped any boundaries.
Truestori - -
Sex doesn't HAVE to take place in the bedroom, ever so true! But with two little ones running around, it is hard to get any privacy any other time than when we go to bed. Plus, there is just nothing that comes close to that intimacy of finding each other in the middle of the night, or the wee hours of the morning, and sleeping in eah others' arms. Hmm, how long before DH gets home? LOL Anyway, I still am curious as to how the "family bed" couples manage to sneak in their intimate time.
I guess i'll jump into the family bed subject since I don't understand much either. With me raising my own DD I try very hard to raise her by following Gods word. In his word it states that 1.God 2. Spouse 3. Children are the order of importance, which means your DH or DW comes before DK's. To me a family bed means putting your "alone" time with your spouse to the side and putting your DK's ahead of him/her.
Im not sure about other DK's but with Kaitlyn she sleeps so well in her crib every since she was 2 months old. If she sleeps with us she wakes up every time we breathe, toss, turn or anything which means shes gonna be cranky all day because she had no sleep.
Most marital problems start with lack of "alone" time (as seen on Dr. Phil, LOL) so I just wonder with the "family bed" is your relationship affected?
For me I am tending to Kaitlyn ALL day long so we look forward to our nights alone to be with each other and not having that time alone, Gosh, i'd probably feel like we were just roommates or something.
So, I guess what i'm saying is from what i've read the "family bed" is just not my lifestyle. I love my DD but I also love DH and he deserves time alone with me, too.
Annie2 yes reading though the post again I believe the "tension" was supposedly in my post to you. However the only part of my post that was directed to you was when I tried to answer your question about cosleeping. All I said was:
Annie2 you asked /b{What is the definition of the "family bed"?} There is no one definition of the family bed. There is a basic ideal – many variations of which are practiced by parents who cosleep. The very basic definition would be that cosleeping is the practice of having your infant in your bed with you during sleep. Some parents choose to cosleep only in the infant stages, for other parents cosleeping continues through the toddler years. For some parents they consider themselves cosleeping when their child is in their own separate bed that saddles the parents bed therefore allowing the same continued contact through the night. It’s a personal decision as far as how you choose to practice cosleeping and the duration of time that you wish to practice it for. There is no one way of doing it ;)
I was just trying to be informative and didn't intend to make it seem like their was tension - I hope that you (Annie) didn't take it that way!
Now addressing the other questions about the family bed, I'll say again that it's a personal choice as far as whether you choose to do it first of all, and exactly which way you choose to practice it. We do the family bed, my dh and I have a very active sex life lol and our marriage is very secure/strong. We have found the way of practicing our familybed beliefs without having to compromise any part of our lives together as a couple - not always an easy balance. But...it comes down to if you want it bad enough, you find a way. This applies to MANY things in your life...for us we wanted to practice cosleeping as well as other aspects of attachment parenting badly enough, that we found a way to make it work ;)
We had/have a family bed now. What we considered a family bed was that our children slept with us. We knew when it was time to end, they knew. Our youngest is almost 6 and he still sleeps with us. Now about a year ago he decided he wanted to sleep in his own room. Cool! Well since then life has gotten crazy and he is back. When they hit toddler stage we really made their room somewhere they wanted, they started sleeping there and would end up in our bed. Eventually the night trips ended. So for us intamacy just wasn't ever an issue (we have 3 kids less than 4 years apart..LOL). I know that in some instances the kids started in their own rooms, so this gave us plenty of time. Nap time was always in their own space, so that gave us plenty of time. Also we really enjoy morning time, so we often would get up feed kids, let them watch tv or play and sneak off ;). Also lets get real, after 3 kids so close we really were too tired to need much sex! I know from my growing up that I was (and still am) a sleep walker when things aren't okay. My parents always welcomed me into their room when needed, I had lots of issues, but I was always sure they would be there if I needed them. This was so extreme that they finally set up a cot in their room so that I would stop getting in bed with them (i was in 7th grade) I woke up in there almost every night for a least a year. That ended almost as quickly as it started...odd. So I guess it was so much comfort for me that I wanted to make sure my kids had that. It isn't always convienent and I certainly wish my kinder boy would leave me alone but he needs us right now and I just don't feel like turning him away.
DH and I have both been brought up the Attachment Parenting way. I co slept with my parents till I was 5 I think . My mom had 8 kids !! So they obviously had no problems with that issue. All of us brothers and sisters were brought up the same way. I agree,If you chose to Attachment Parent you manage to find a way.It's not been easy and many times when DS is sick or just teething and cranky, DH has had to sleep in the guest bedroomin order to get adequate sleep to be able to go to work . Initially it was very upsetting for DH but he's gotten used to these few days having to leave the comfort of a king size bed and squeeze his big and tall self into a twin size bed. The frequency of his phonecalls to his parents has significantly increased since DH has become a dad himself ! We both appreciate our parents a lot more . We've always loved them but now we got to see first hand just how much they've done for us and it's awesome they were able to maintain the same natural and attachment parenting way of life with all their children ( and thats a LOT of children ! )
Family bed kind of grows on you. It started as a choice as I was breastfeeding for 14 months until DS weaned himself. DS was a very fussy and colicky baby and co sleeping, along with nursing on demand, carrying him in a sling ,all part of Attachment Parenting outlook, really changed things around for us .DS has grown into a secure, attached and content 2 year old .We love having the little bunny with us . He's just so cuddly and even gives off teeny tiny soft little snores sometimes ! I wouldn't be able to sleep if I didn't have him nestling in the crook of my arm snoring softly.
So it's a matter of individual choice and what works for your family situation. Nighttime rest is crucial for most people and a family bed can be a very hard thing to get used to .My best friend started out like that with her DD but it just didn't work out at all.
I found this funny - The new movie "Cheaper by the Dozen " shows Bonnie Hunt and Steve Martin co sleeping in the family bed with half of their brood of 12 and a dog! When Hunt is in New YOrk in a hotel she can't sleep, so she requests 6 or 7 extra pillows for her bed and falls asleep in a jiffy after that!!Could be my mom or even me but I would request only 2 extra pillows so far !
My 14yodd spent a summer sleeping in our room because she was afraid of thunderstorms, back when she was 3 almost 4. She felt her room was too far away (even though it really wasn't!). She slept on the floor in our room on a sleeping bag because it was too hot to have three bodies in bed, since we didn't have air conditioning. She was more than welcome if there was a storm, which it seemed like there was a lot of them that summer.
As far as intimacy, I really can't remember how we worked it out. Most of the time it was too hot and neither of us wanted to. I'm sure we didn't go the whole summer without, though! LOL!
Melissa, I agree with everything you said. I believe the same thing about God's order and I put my dh before my dd. He was in my life first and should not be pushed aside because we have a new baby. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my baby but when she goes down for the night, that's mommy and daddy time.
I am SOOOOO confused about vaccinations now. I feel like I don't know what's right and what's wrong anymore. I have been getting her vaccinated at every doctor appointment and I have just been following doctors orders.
Tracie, vaccines ARE confusing. The pro side is too strong and dishonest, and the anti side is too strong and dishonest. It's extrememly difficult to find the true middle. If you're uncomfortable with it all, I suggest you take a break. Do your research, THEN decide. If it throws her off schedule, it's not a big deal. In your case, your baby is so old she's had almost all of them anyway. The one that scares me most is MMR, which will be coming up for you around 12-15 months. Pertussis (DTP) is bad, too, but the new one, DTaP is better, so MMR has taken the honor of scariest for me. Anyway, it's the one that so many parents say has caused autism. Medicine swears the shot has nothing to do with it, but sooooo many kids have been perfectly normal and then right after the shot they start slowly getting 'un-normal'. Research that one especially. What I did was refuse the shot until she was five years old, then she got it and that way I KNEW whether or not she was autistic (not) so it would be totally obvious if the shot caused a problem. THEN I waited a few months and had a blood test on her done. They test for antibodies to measles. It's only the measles portion that you need a booster on, not the rubella or mumps. But if the blood test shows measles antibodies you don't NEED the booster. About 80 to 85% of kids are fully vaccinated with just the one shot against measles, but docs just do the booster anyway. The blood test determines if it's necessary or not. Schools accept this, too. Have your doc sign the vaccine sheet saying the booster wasn't needed due to measles antibodies in the blood test.
Just be comfortable in your decisions. It's hard to research it, the info is so conflicting and confusing. Overall I think they are bad and think the repercussions are coming and the whole vaccine thing will be done away with, but not for a long time. But that's simply MY opinion. You need to make your own.
I'm sorry, I don't have time to read all the posts fully so I hope I don't step on toes by having missed your points. I just thought I'd share my experience.
I have two children, ages 7 and 5. I breast fed both kids until they were 2 1/2 (breast fed my son through my pregnancy w/dd and even while I was breastfeeding her) and it was just easier for me to have them in bed with us. My son was in bed w/us from the start while my dd liked to be in her crib until about six months when she decided to move in with us! We are just now trying to wean them out of our room. I truly miss my dd's cuddling so I haven't been forceful. My son (7) has decided that he likes the privacy of his own room but really likes one of us (even his sister) to stay with him until he is asleep. He goes to the other kids' homes and knows that they sleep alone. He wants to be like them but he still loves the security of our company. We are on the strictest of orders not to let anyone know about his sleeping arrangements (although I hear from several moms that their sons still sneak into parent's bed). My dd loves to tell her friends (who also share beds w/mom and dad) that she sleeps with us.
Here is a list of my negative points about the sharing of bed or one of us sleeping w/child. We don't have time to feel the warmth of the other person in bed (not sex, just companionship), we have started to become roommates not spouses, one of us has to go to bed early or the kids stay up late (for fear of being alone), I have felt resentment for my lack of sleep (it isn't easy to sleep when a child is smack up against me and then lands a fist in my eye)! Don't get me wrong these negatives are nothing compared to the positives...the jokes and stories we share, the comfort of holding my child. It is just time for us to move on to the privacy stage. We still have open doors, the kids still come in, etc. but now we have the option to say it is time for you to grow on your own. My son is enjoying this and my daughter finds she sleeps better without being cramped in the middle of the bed. She still runs in to our room in the morning (or calls out at night - we bring her in) so she has the best of both worlds.
To sum it up, I think sharing your bed is fine up until your comfort level is compromised.
As far as the vaccines, I think that there are so many different strains of illness out there that I want my child to have protection. I ask questions, read materials, etc. but I don't want to deny my child a vaccine. I don't think anyone is wrong to abstain from vaccination (I didn't get my son the chicken pox right away until the doctor explained the severity of this disease that I wasn't aware of) but I feel better having it done.
I don't medicate too quickly either. But, my son is very prone to bronchitis and pneumonia so I get him to the doctor quickly when his fever persists and his cough is more than in his throat. My dd won't take medicine and I don't force it on her. She does just fine without it.
My bottom line is you have to do what is right for you and your family, and sometimes you have to be open to change your ideas or to at least look at what the other "camp" is doing.
Good points, Robin!
Very good points Robin...
God Bless you Mom's that go natural! I swear I thought I was going to die with labor pains. LOL! I never had tiny little pains where my breathing helped. My body went right into later stages of labor. They asked me if I wanted a little something to take the edge off and I said "Just an epidural!" Although, I know I would have given birth very soon after arriving to the hospital if not for the epidural. (I was given the epidural at 7-7:30pm and I started pushing at 9pm, and DD was born 10:14pm) I really do commend anyone that can go natural!
The vaccines are a scary thing. I know I worried and still do worry that DD will be the one to have a bad reaction. My DD's Pedatrician (Whom I l love) said he vaccinated his own children and would not if they were in danger. It is scary and I can understand why people feel so strongly against it. It was just the right choice for me.
Family beds! We ended up with one by accident. I thought no baby should ever be in bed. LOL! LOL! That was before my DD was born! It was just easier to me to bring her to bed to nurse. Then, it just sort of happened. She NEVER slept well in her crib! I am happy to report that she is finally sleeping in her bed by herself as of this week! Woo hoo!!
Robin is right, I just did what was best for me.
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