Members
Change Profile
Discussion
Topics
Last Day
Last Week
Tree View
Search Board
Keyword Search
By Date
Utilities
Contact
Administration
Documentation
Getting Started
Formatting
Troubleshooting
Program Credits
Coupons
Best Coupons
Freebie Newsletter!
Coupons & Free Stuff
|
Moms View Message Board: Parenting Discussion: Archive January-June 2004: Potty Training a "Strong Willed" 3yo
I have a 3yo girl I take care of that is physically ready to be potty trained, but she has ABSOLUTELY no interest. She knows when she has to go and will even tell me, but if you can convince her to sit on the potty she won't go, only to go in her diaper 10 minutes later. Mom has tried underwear at home with rubber/plastic pants over them, but "A" still just goes in the underwear and complains of the rubber/plastic pants pinching her. Mom's really getting frustrated (and tired of buying diapers!). She's ready to get a cloth diaper service and let A just be uncomfortable. Any suggestions??? I've tried getting her to sit on the potty every hour or so but she still won't go. It's like she waits for the diaper. I told mom she won't start kindergarten in diapers, but she really wants her trained. She turned 3 August 4th and she has an older brother that was fairly easy to train (so mom says). TIA for any input.
Sounds like a power struggle. And she's winning! Give her the "power" back! I know that's easier said than done, but I think it will work. Also, don't buy anymore diapers (or don't have mom do that). Except for maybe at night- that's harder to control at first. Let her get frustrated from peeing in her pants. Then she will want to go.
My "strong willed" child was the easiest to potty train. LOL!
Thanx, Laura and Trina. I've told mom it's a control issue. She's very much a child that likes to have control over things. I think it just frustrates the heck out of mom because mom knows A knows what to do but she won't! She also hates spending $$$ on diapers. A sometimes struggles with constipation, too. She's cried for hours, literally, because she's afraid to go because "it hurts!" She holds it in for days because she can. Mom told her this morning "Daddy won't be buying any more diapers" but I bet they will. They close on a brand new house this week and there's no way they're going to let her have accidents all over the new carpet! Mom's even threatened to make A sit in the kitchen on a mat until she stops having accidents. A's a very sweet little girl, but boy I'm glad she's not mine and goes home at the end of the day! lol Thanx again.
JMHO, but they're putting too much pressure on A and actually making the situation worse. If she continues to withhold BMs that can lead to medical problems. They need to back off and follow HER lead. No more threats, no more pressure to use the potty, etc.. Put her in training pants or Pull Ups and put the ball in her court. She'll come around on her own when she knows it's up to HER. BTDT with DS. He didn't train until he was 4. We took a much more laid back approach with DD, my strong willed child, and she basically trained herself by the time she turned 3. In hind sight I wish we had done the same with DS. Potty training him would have been much easier and less stressful for the whole family.
Hey there -
Hey There. This is my first time on this site. How wonderful!! Thanks Amyk for your tip to visit Dr. Phil. I feel the pain that Cat is describing. I have a son that was 3 in August and is still not potty trained. He sounds JUST like "A". He tells me when he has to go...but he just won't go on the potty. Does "A" have any issues with sensory defensiveness???? Just a thought? Anyway, I think stopping buying the diapers is a good idea. We are currently on the countdown. Only 7 left and after that, that's it. We'll see how it goes. We've tried every thing esle. I'll have to check out what Dr. Phil has to say. He usually has good ideas. I must admit...I'm at the end of my rope!!!
My oldest one was nearly 4 when she potty-trained. She was so paranoid about pee running down her legs, that she just wouldn't wear training pants or underwear. Her bday is in August, and in June, she got a nasty diaper rash. Wet pull-ups and warmer weather did her in. She was staying pretty dry at night, so we told her she had to wear training pants to bed at night because her skin needed air to heal. She had a fit, but we were to the point we didn't care anymore. For a short while, we would put pullups back on her in the morning, but soon we weren't doing that anymore. I don't think pullups really helped our cause with her.
Here's my $.02. I tend to be in the same camp as Trina. Obviously it is a control issue and the child will always win because you can't force her to go potty (same with forcing them to sleep). However, you can create an environment conducive to the desired behavior, offer positive reinforcement (sticker, candy, whatever), and factor in learning through natural consequences (wet, cold diaper). I went through this same battle with my oldest DS although we did take a brief hiatus from potty-training once my younger DS was born (oldest was 2-9 at the time) on the recommendation of my ped. With Adam I had tried pull-ups (waaay too expensive), picking out cool "big boy pants," thick white training pants with rubber pants over it so he would feel wet, etc. Cleaning up spit-up from a reflux newborn and pee from a potty-trainer all day was NOT my idea of fun. Finally at wit's end I told Adam, "You are not using the potty, so I'm gonna let you decide. Do you want big boy pants or diapers? I'm not buying anymore pullups." I figured he's go for underwear...WRONG!! He wanted to go back to diapers and within 2 days was totally daytime potty-trained. Once I gave him the control and allowed him to make the decision it was all good. It was truly amazing how just giving him some power in the process made it all so easy. Good luck!! (and the parents REALLY need to chill with the threats..yikes!)
Thanx, everyone. *A* knows my system. If she tries to use the potty she gets a sticker. If she goes pee she gets an m-n-m. If she poops in the potty she gets 3 m-n-m's. All this is cumulitive (meaning if she goes does both she gets 4 m-n-m's and a sticker). I talked to mom again tonight and asked if she'd be more likely to use a potty chair than the big potty--she said it doesn't matter. We know *A* has control. Mom will pick her up from my house around 5:15pm after I've just changed her and she'll fall asleep in the car on the way home and not wake up until 7am and still be dry. Then mom will have her sit on the potty for about 10 minutes and she still won't go, but then 10 minutes later her diaper will be wet. I wonder if for some reason she gets "stage fright" on the potty??? It's just really frustrating. I know my oldest was a pain to train-lots of accidents--partially because of control, partially because he was so busy he wouldn't stop doing what he was doing to go. My youngest told me 2 weeks before he turned 3 he wanted to wear underwear and that was that. Too bad it's not warm outside so we could just put underwear on her and let her be wet.
Cat...this has nothing to do with potty training, but did I read that correctly?!?! The mom picks her up from your house at 5:15 in the afternoon and the child falls asleep in the car and remains asleep until the next morning?!?! When does she eat dinner? And WHEN does she see her parents??? I hope I misunderstood 'cause that's really sad and THAT could be some of the problem here.
What about leaving "A" in the bathroom by herself for a minute? Maybe she's a little nervous with an audience. Maybe try convincing her that you will wait outside the door and that she can do it all by herself because she's a big girl, and so on.
Kate, *A* only does that about once every week or two. Believe me, these parents are very involved with their kids. I wish more of my parents were like them! *A* doesn't nap so some nights she's just beat. Her older brother had a birthday party to go to tonight and I just know *A* fell asleep on the way there. She was really tired this afternoon.
UPDATE: "A" decided on Friday that she was going to use the potty. Two failed attempts (tried, but didn't do anything), two tries with just a tiny trickle, wet the pull-up, then went three times! Pooped in a diaper and that was it. She hasn't done anything in a diaper since Friday and hasn't had any accidents. She's in panties full time now and doing great!!! Guess she finally decided it was her time. It did take her from Friday until last night to poop in the potty, but she did it in the potty and not a diaper (she'd asked for a diaper to do it in, but mom convinced her last night to go like a "big girl"). Today she was so funny. She came running out of the bathroom saying "Miss Cathy, come see what I did in the potty!" Too cute.
That's great news! I'm glad she made it over that hurdle for you.
|
