My thoughts...hmmm..my son is not officially autistic, he was what they term a low pervasive development. He is quirky and has issues, but not really enough to label him. So we spend a lot of time reading and researching. I keep thinking that one day we will come across the right label, but until then we treat symptoms. So autistic tendancies.....rocking, any repetive motions, spinning of objects, obsessions with parts of thing, lack of eye contact, really struggles with change, and sensory issues. Let me give you a bit of history on my son. He was 100% normal up until 18 months of age. What I mean by this is he slept well, played well, intereacted well, smiled, talked, walked, hung out with siblings, etc. At about 18 months we noticed that he wasn't quite himself, but we had just moved and thought this is his way to cope. We also had been to the doc right before we left for shots. By 22 months he really struggled being around my other kids, really needed to be right by me, but not doing anything with me, just in the same room. He became fasinated with things and how they taste. He honestly ate more inappropriate stuff. He really started doing abnormal things I thought. At 2 1/2 I put him in a mothers day out program, one day a week for 3 hours. The first two times at school he bit someone. After that he never interacted with anyone. Well he was happy, playing with whatever he had, but would not break away from an activity for group. There were 8 kids, 2 teachers, one teacher he didn't like, he ignored her (it was quite funny actually) and the other he loved, he talked about her, greeted her, looked at her and then went about his playtime. Next year this is changed to two days a week. This time he isn't overly fond of either of his teachers (me either actually). But he goes each day, at home speaks about what he did, we get to school, he says bye and walks in, no greeting to the teacher, but she didn't really demand that either. The only strange thing that I noticed is at home he loved to sit and color and be artistic, at school he never did the project, they always sent it home. In february my first parent teacher conference....the teacher says, aren't you worried that your son can't talk? I find out that he literally had not spoken a word to them all year, not to them, not to other kids. In hindsight I realize that he really had diminished his eye contact with me. He spoke to me, but usually looking somewhere else. This started a whole series of testing. The shortest story (if I can actually call any of this short) is that he just missed qualifing for services by like 2 points, but he did qualify in the area of ocupational therapy (fine motor, motor planning issues). So after a year there he no longer qualifies for anything. He is much better, but still quirky. He used to throw a big fit if he wasn't dressed in the proper order, now he has a preference, but can cope. (sock then shoe, then repeat, not sock sock, shoe shoe..lol). He looks at me when he talks, if I don't look at him he will grab my face and turn it towards him. So he KNOWS what he is supposed to do, it just isn't always his preference. Last year there were two types of people in his world, those he liked and seemed normal to, those he didn't and he completely ignored you. I mean walk into a room and you might as well be invisible, he didn't glance your way, he didn't ever talk and if you tried he melted down. This year he still has those he is fonder of, but less of those he doesn't like. There are a few, but again, not quite as severe reation. So my thoughts, this kid is so easily influenced by negativity. If he senses that he isn't loved or he doesn't get things quite right, he shuts down. Now I was an attachment parent, I carried him almost 24/7 we co slept, no schedules, just whatever he needed. He was the youngest of three, I was this way with all of them. I had no life other than meeting my kids need and I loved that. I wonder if for him, if I had ignored many of his calls would I be the one he chose to not talk to, or look at? If I hadn't doted on him and been so hands on, what would be he be like? He has/had (different story) 7 grandparents, each with their own beliefs. The one that is very hands off, to this day, they have no relationship, she still is invisible. The one that is the strict teacher type he tolerates at best, he tries to ignore her, she doesn't have that, but he is not normal by any means. So in all of this for him I have been his constant, the one safe haven for him and I have never completely lost him, I am thankful for that. Now why is he this way??? My other kids are not. They were raised in the same way, my parenting hasn't changed that much. We are still happily married, so no big changes there. There is no one else in the family that is autistic, we have 2 extremetly shy people in the family, but although they may not talk much, they look at you the whole time. Is he gited? In some areas probably, but still this doesn't explain the change. I actually have journalling of his activities and can pinpoint to about a 2 week time point when he changed. So what happened during this two weeks? Or is this just a fluke? Well the two big factors, we moved. Was there something in the house, toxin, mold, etc? That made his little brain change wiring? Is the loss of family (they didn't move with us) a source of depression that he didn't handle well? Is it that last round of shots, MMR from a multidose vial that contains Mercury? We tend to think the last probably is our winner, this explains why he is getting some better. But that can't be the only factor because it still took a year to reach his maximum bad. So when it comes to these kids I think no matter what the cause, there are things we can do to help. First and foremost, interact. This sounds funny to most parents, but my child will color, quietly and be very happy for hours. I do mean hours. Not get up once out of his seat. As a mom of three, mostly you don't interrupt kids when they are playing quietly by themselves. With him we need to. So I color with him, I color on his drawings, I listen to his ideas and sometimes say, but what about this. I can't come in and take over, but it is my job to show him how to cooperatively work. His sensory stuff is off. When life is stressed out for him he feels things that no one else does. This weeks sensory issues are this: his socks are getting between his toes. At least once an hour he has to remove his shoes and adjust his socks. This kid would sleep in his socks and shoes if we let him. So we do this alot this week. Sensory issue two...his penis is touching his scrotom. hmmm, not an easy fix here. We would really not have him stick his hands in his pants to rearrange himself during dinner, at school, etc. Thankfully this lasted a day. He went to the bathroom 20 times in 3 hours to fix this problem. So we work on things like this often. We have naked foot time. We make him walk barefoot inside on carpet (he won't go on hard floors). For now we have just stand on the linoleum, no stepping, I will carry him and set him down. We have tried in the past to make him "tough it out", eventually he will give in. And yes, he wouldn't eat anything but pb&j for a long time. Well I got tired of fixing two meals, so after listening to doctor phil we decided we would serve him the same meal each meal time until he ate. I mean I am the parent here, right?? So day one, no food, just milk. Day two, no food, just milk, day three he is hungry, he eats 2 green beans and throws them up. Next meal he eats 2 more green beans, throws them up. After the third time he won, he got his pb&J. He was almost 4. He is now almost 6. He still won't eat green beans, but he used to vomit if they were on his plate and that has stopped. I doubt he will ever eat green beans. However if I had been gentler, as I have done with other foods. instead of chicken nuggets we put them in a sandwich, this lead to where he will eat them. Food really isn't really an issue these days, but for about 5 months it was. Anyway, so all these things I do with him would be good for any kids, but for him he NEEDS them. I am going to end now (about time). I hope I answered some of your questions and you aren't too sorry you asked

By Wendyo on Saturday, December 13, 2003 - 10:18 am:

No, I am not sorry for asking at all! Thank you so much for sharing this. You sound like you have the patience of a saint. Your story shows me how different all children can be. I know a little girl who can be really quirky, not to the extent of your son. I've always thought that she is the way she is because she is just so smart...like too smart for her young age and at times she gets overwhelmed by it all. Thanks for your thoughts!

By Bka on Saturday, December 13, 2003 - 12:25 pm:

Do you ever wish you could reach through the computer and squeeze a complete stranger?????
I am (((((hugging))))) you Kaye, and all the other parents out there that have the love, understanding, patients, and unending energy to ensure our children get all they deserve throught their lives...no matter how difficult...or how easy times may be.

By Momoffour on Monday, December 15, 2003 - 11:50 pm:

kaye I have an 18 year old nephew who is autistic. I see alot of simular things that your son and my nephew have in common. It was also around 18 months when we all noticed a big difference in Jaremy. He with drew and was happy to be left alone. He formed bonds with some people (his Mom and my Mom) He did okay in School they hired aids to be with him during the day. He would get frustrated being in a full class of kids. He couldn't handle the smell of all the people.( have you noticed that with your son) When we would go into a store when he was little he would hide in a basket with a coat over his head. He keep telling my sister it smelled. He is the same about the food. he will only eat certain things. many fastfood type. He has to have a plastic fork or spoon he wont eat with silver. he has a certain plate or bowl to use. and you can try to change his plate and he wouldn't touch it. He constantly washing his hands. He is afraid of germs. He wont go anywhere. he usually spends hours up hours in his room only interacting when his sisters come home from school. He usually plays games. He is no longer in school. My sister was trying to find something for him to do. public wise. something that wont put him with a bunch of people. He will hug you or look at you. he is somewhat social. he will talk and interact with people and you can tell him something and he never forgets. my Grandma before she died had a tolete in her front yard for flowers. He was only 8 or 9 when he sees my aunt he always asks her about that tolete. They are truly a mystery. and another thing they noticed a change when he got that mmr shot. but the doctors passed it off and said it wasn't possible. though about the same time he was changing (18 months)he fell down cement stairs and he got a little shock when he put a fork in a light socket. and to this day when he was 18 months he can remember doing that.