I am in need of some suggestions on how to get my 3.5 yr old son and almost 2yr old daughter (who share a small room that comes directly off the living room, in a smaller open house) to go to bed. My dh and I have been fighting this problem for about at least 9 months now, and it it's taking its toll on our marriage and myself! my dd is in a toddler bed and does great at nap time. My ds is in a big boy bed and was doing great going to bed too. Then he started climbing in crib (when my ds was still in it) and she started climbing out, so to solve that problem I moved her to the toddler bed only to create new problems that I thought would go away after it wasn't so new and exciting. Not happening! My dh and I have tried everything it seems like - discipline, ignoring them, standing at the door,shutting the door, putting a gate across the door, stagering bedtimes, changing nap times, moving bedtime up/down, but to no success we still have at least one, sometimes both up untel 9:30 or even past 10 some nights! It is leaving us with no time together or any quiet relaxing time to revive us/me for the next day. I am running starting to not look forward to the next day with the kids and definately not the next bedtime! Does anyone have any ideas, short of building another room which we just can't do at this time.

By Trina~moderator on Friday, December 5, 2003 - 05:32 pm:

Hmmm, tough one. Just off the top of my head... Have you tried putting the younger child to bed an hour earlier than the older child? One parent could tuck in and get the younger child settled while the other parent spends quiet down time with the older child. Tell your son he is a big boy and it's a privilege to stay up later and have this special time with Mom or Dad. However, if he isn't cooperative at bed time he will lose the privilege. Then *hopefully* when your 3.5 yr. old goes to bed he will be ready for bed (tired, quiet) and not wake up your already sleeping 2 yr. old. Sounds good in theory but we all know how kids can blow theories out the window. LOL! Worth a try though. You could even start up an incentive sticker chart where they each can earn a sticker for each night they go to bed without problems. So many stickers earns a special something- an icecream cone, a new book, a small toy, a special field trip (zoo, library, ...). Good luck!

By Rjschneider on Friday, December 5, 2003 - 06:18 pm:

I have tried putting my daughter down first, but she is the worst one - very stubborn and hard headed, it still takes her an hour and half or so before she eventually goes to sleep! By that time my son is so tired, hes asking to go to to bed! She probably maybe would settle down faster if we stay in the room with her and rub her head, but we did that with my son and it back fired on us. Whenever he woke up in the night (somenights it was numerous times) he would need us to come in and be in there untel he fell asleep. I never got any sleep then, so I am afraid to try those kinds of things again. But I really like the sticker thing. Thanks

By Bethk on Friday, December 5, 2003 - 06:42 pm:

If it takes her that long to go to sleep I would start that much sooner. If her bed time is 8:00 then start at 7:00. Not like I'm giving good advice I can't get my 18 month old to sleep through the night. But seriously I would try doing it earlier to see if it would help. I'm going to try and do the CIO(cry it out) routine with her again tonight. I think at one time or another all mothers have been through this.

By Tunnia on Saturday, December 6, 2003 - 08:27 am:

My suggestion would be to get them up at the same time every day, say, 7am, no naps, and then bedtime at the same time, say 8pm. Also, incorporate a routine into bedtime and do it the same way every night. With my children we brush teeth, they climb in bed, we tuck them in and give kisses and hugs, sing a song, tell them "I love you. Have sweet dreams", and lights out (and door shut for my ds because he likes it very dark and quiet). You can't just do this once or twice and expect it to work. It takes time to break the old habits and create new habits so give it a few weeks. Above all, be consistant. Also, if their room is right off the living room they may be worrying that they are missing something once they go to bed. It might be a good idea for you and dh to leave the living room once the children go to bed so that they don't hear you talking or watching tv. Good luck to you!

By Mommymindy on Saturday, December 6, 2003 - 09:57 am:

My 3 & 4 year old are in the same room & have been since they were the same age as your children. it's a problem we still have. Though in regular day to day disciplining, we occasionally spank, I don't like to spank them when they're tired, because I know they can't help acting like monkies when they're tired! LOL
My babies like to have the door cracked & a little hall light on, so I threaten to turn off the light and/or close the door if they get out of bed. It does help to have a regular routine for them, and make sure they're BOTH tired when they go down. If it means a shorter nap during the day, or just letting them stay up an hour later or something. I wouldn't put them down at seperate times myself, because they whine & ask for each other when they are seperated (God help me when my oldest starts school without his sister!!!)
I remember the NIGHTMARES of my son climbing in & out of the crib before we put him in a bed!
Just don't go too crazy, cause like my husband and I say: we will be praying that we could have these days back in a few years!!!!

By Beth on Saturday, December 6, 2003 - 10:00 am:

My dd will be three in January and we were going through the same thing. I finally had to cut out her naps and it solved the problem. There are days when she will fall asleep and I let her for about an hour. There are a few days when she seems extremely grouchy and I will make her take a nap. But only when she really needs it. It stinks not having the time in the afternoon but it has been much easier on dh. I work second shift and bedtime is his job. She is tired by 8 and ready for bed. Dh said a few times she has even put herself to bed early. Good luck!

By Melanie on Saturday, December 6, 2003 - 06:48 pm:

It sounds like you truly have tried everything. Have you tried going back to basics? In our house, it's all about routine. I agree with Beth that you should start the routine a bit earlier and just plan on it taking a bit for them to really settle down. Give them a bath first. I went through a time when I was giving my boys an aromatherapy bath, playing soft music and dimming the lights in the bathroom to help calm them. Put on jammies, brush teeth and settle in for a couple of books while snuggled up in bed together. Really focus on bringing the energy level down. I've heard some mom's say they play soft music when the lights go out and that helps the kids settle down. When they get up, walk them back to their beds with as little emotion as possible.

Stacy is absolutely right about giving it time. Nothing you try will work the first few times you do it. But be consistant, and eventually (I hope!) it will work. Good luck.

By Lauram on Sunday, December 7, 2003 - 04:06 pm:

All I can say is I'm in the same boat. My kids (21 mo and 6) go to bed at 9:30-10 each night- AND they get up at 6:30 AM EVERY day. The baby naps for 1-2 hrs a day and the 6 year old doesn't nap. I've tried EVERYTHING and can honestly say they just don't need a lot of sleep. At least that's what the ped tells me. He says as long as they are not showing signs of fatigue during the day (crankiness, etc...) they just don't need as much sleep as other kids. Bummer for me! I have no life either, but have found that letting them go to bed when their "body" tells them they are tired reather than trying to "force" the issue helps. Many bright kids don't need as much sleep- if you need a positive out of all of this. I know I do! I get tired before they do!

By Bellajoe on Monday, December 8, 2003 - 08:26 am:

When my son (then 2 yrs old) had that problem staying in bed we found a book called "Solve your Childs Sleep Problems" by Dr.Ferber. It is very tough to do at first, but it really worked with us. You have to tell your dd to stay on her bed. If she stays on the bed you will leave the door open, if she gets off her bed then you will close the door. You first close the door for 1 minute, then 3 minutes then 5 minutes and so on. Of course we stayed right by the door telling him calmly that he needs to get back on the bed and reassuring him that we loved him. We did this for about 1 hour and a half the first night we tried it with our son, the second night it only took 1/2 hour. And soon he was staying in his bed, in his room. There was a lot of screaming and crying and it sounds mean but he wasn't scarred for life from this or anything like that. It sounds like your ds wants to go to bed but his sister is the "problem" for lack of a better term.
So my suggestion is to get that book "Solve your Childs Sleep Problems" and see if that helps you at all.

We did this about a year or so ago and my ds has been going to bed with no problem ever since...and he does not have naps during the day.

By Rjschneider on Monday, December 8, 2003 - 03:40 pm:

We have been trying just what you mentioned, with telling them if they get out of bed we will close the door. It's been ok. so far, at least better than before, but my question is do you keep a night light on in the room, I did for a while but it still kept the room so well lit, that the kids would get up and play. The last few nights I have taken the night light out. I just don't close the door that tightly so the kids can still see light coming though ever so slightly. But I also don't want them to be afraid of the dark. What do other moms do as far as nightlights?

By Melanie on Monday, December 8, 2003 - 04:20 pm:

My boys like when I keep the bathroom light on. It's directly across from their room. With my daughter, she sleeps with one of her lights on. I never used to but she started asking for it to stay on so I leave it on for her now.

By Mommymindy on Tuesday, December 9, 2003 - 03:11 pm:

I leave the hall or bathroom light on & leave their door cracked. I don't have a nightlight in their room because they would not leave it alone!

By Bellajoe on Wednesday, December 10, 2003 - 05:11 pm:

Well,I think when we did the closing the door thing we had the night light on in his room. Now that he stays in his room,we leave the night light on in the hall way, and leave the door cracked.

By Mommyathome on Wednesday, December 10, 2003 - 07:34 pm:

I like the sticker chart idea. My 4 and 5 year old DD's share a room. Some nights they do really well, other nights they chit-chat for hours. We don't have nightlights. My 4 year old has a certain way she has to have the door. It has to be touching the door frame, but not shut. She is very particular about this. If it is any other way, she is up a dozen times working on it.