My good friend is due to have her first baby on December 21st. Do you have any advice for the hospital or for the first weeks home? Any good tips or something you wish someone would have told you?

By Bellajoe on Thursday, December 4, 2003 - 12:31 pm:

Noone told me how painful it would be to sit down after having the baby and having an episiotomy. Not that it would really help her out, but at least she would know. I just thought everything would be fine and dandy when i brought my dd home from the hospital. But i was in such pain when I sat down, i had no idea it would be like that. I just never thought about it i guess.

Also, tell her to bring her own pj's to the hospital. I just wore the hospital gown when i had my dd, but when i had my ds i brought my own pj's and boy, it sounds silly, but i felt much better and more comfortable in my own clothes.

Also, if someone offers her help...making dinner, helping with the baby while she sleeps, doing laundry...TAKE IT! She should take any help she can get. So she can get the rest she needs. Tell her good luck!

By Mommyathome on Thursday, December 4, 2003 - 12:38 pm:

I agree on taking your own pj's to the hospital. It is so much nicer that way.

Also, on the more personal side, tell her to be sure to bring her own pads from home. No one told me that when I had my first. Of course, you use the hospital pads right at first, and they give you a never ending supply of them to take home, but by the next morning I was ready for one of my own kind. Especially for the ride home.

I agree with the above post...if someone wants bring dinner by....say yes!!

How exciting. I would love to go back and have my first baby again. It is so different when you already have one or two kids at home. You never get that "first baby" experience again. Tell her to enjoy it!

By Eve on Thursday, December 4, 2003 - 12:48 pm:

Dinner does help, doesn't it? Trina brought us 2 casseroles and a neighbor brought us a whole meal, including chocolate cake for dessert! I had no idea how much I would not want to cook anything.

When I had DD, I never realized how blue newborns hands are! That was one (of many)thing we had to call Trina about. LOL!

Also, when you have to keep track of the diapers. DD peed such a small amount, that we never could tell if she went. So, we read to put a tissue in the diaper and then you could tell. Sure enough, it worked!

Also, when DD had blood in her diaper from the surge of hormones in her system, that freaked me out!

My advice would be to call for help if something is worrying you. If you aren't sure, then call a BTDT Mom or your pediatrician. Don't be worried about waking them up either!

By Joan on Thursday, December 4, 2003 - 12:58 pm:

I have quite a few peices of advice for her

Don't pack too much. The only things you really need are ..a going home outfit for baby, and a warm bunting for baby since it is winter. A going home outfit for mom, usually a pair of sweats or maternity clothes- no way your wearing home your regular clothes

A camera

phone numbers of close friends and family.

car seat (of course)

You really don't need much at all. The hospital will supply underwear, socks, gown, pads, they will supply soap and shampoo, but you might want your own.

Bring a brush, the hospital will probebly only supply combs.

Hair ties, if your hair is long.

Tooth brush, if you don't want to use theirs.

What I did with my last baby- the hospital will give you TONS of magizines, samples, brochures, and a bunch of other stuff. Since this was my 3rd baby I did'nt need all the magizines and stuff. So when they brought it to me I sorted it before I even left the hospital. I threw out all the magizines (except a few) and only kept the free samples. When I left there was much less to haul home. With her being a first time mom she might want to keep it all.

If the nurses offer to keep the baby with them at night (expecially the first night) let them! You will need to rest and get your strenght back. If you wake up at 3am and want your baby just call the nurse and they will bring baby to you. Don't think that you are bothering them..it is their job

If you have the option of staying 1,2,or 3 nights stay as long as they will let you. This will be the last time you will get sleep for a long while

Enjoy the expereince! I always loved my hospital stays after having a baby.

If I think of more I will post later

Mara

By Amy~moderator on Thursday, December 4, 2003 - 01:11 pm:

Not sure if it was mentioned, but a calling card if she wants to call family/friends out of state.

By Tonya on Thursday, December 4, 2003 - 01:14 pm:

Definitely let them take the baby so you can sleep. I was in labor for a long time and when i finally had him after seeing him for a few hours I was exhausted at it was 9pm so they took him until 7am and I slept all night. Also if she has a room mate and the room mate has loud family tell her to make sure she speaks up about the noise. I was in the room with a lady who spoke no english and the family was there way past visiting hours with very nasty smelling food I finally blew up and the nurses made them leave.

Also take that extra pillow with you one from home will make allot of different.

Don't forget slippers and extra socks.

And stay as long as you can it is the only semi quiet time you will get for a long time.

Also something I learned. Make sure you pack some snacks. I had Timmy at 7pm and by the time they got me to my room the cafe was closed and I was starved. Thank god Rich was still there and he went and got me some food if not for that I would have starved until the next day.

By Kolbysmom on Thursday, December 4, 2003 - 01:16 pm:

I would advice a first time mom to make a Birth Plan and take it with them to the hospital. I think there is a sample one in What To Expect When You're Expecting. I did this and it saved a lot of time as far as questioning goes. Things to include: Medical history, who you want in the delivery room, who cuts the embilical cord, if you're going to breastfeed, if you're not breastfeeding and you want to use your on bottles include this wish in the plan. There is a lot of other things I'm forgetting, but that's the general idea.

By Cheerio on Thursday, December 4, 2003 - 02:39 pm:

This is rather embarrassing, but I wish someone would have told me how painful that first BM is afterwards. They let me go home from the hospital without having one and then I was home for almost a week before it happened. I thought I was in labor again! The second time around, I spoke up and told them I didn't want that happening again and they gave me shots of mineral oil to drink before I left (reminded me of my college days LOL). Nasty stuff, but it was far better than the alternative. It worked like a charm. Painkillers and just plain ibuprofen can be very constipating and if you've had an epidural, that doesn't help either. That's always my advice to new moms...choose all the high fiber items off the menu at the hospital and if you haven't gone before you left the hospital, speak up and talk to the nurse about it.

By Eve on Thursday, December 4, 2003 - 03:01 pm:

Whooo, yes! I told her to take her stool softener! I can't remember if anyone told me how bad that was going to be. One of my good friends was at home and she had to have her DH come in and hold her hand. LOL!

I thought of one more! Tucks medicated pads in the fridge! Line your pad with them and "ooohh! aggh!" That felt so good after getting home!

By Boxzgrl on Thursday, December 4, 2003 - 03:11 pm:

IMO- *the best thing after having DD was using the Boppy to sit on because my episiotomy site was soooooo sore!!!* That helped tremendously. And make sure someone can take the baby and let her sleep. DH wasnt there and there was no nursery for me so I was a walking zombie wondering if i'd ever sleep again. Have a BRUSH!!! DH's dad was rubbing my head while I was in labor and left me with a big clump of tangles, it was soooo hard to get out.
Other than that, good luck to her.

By Kaye on Thursday, December 4, 2003 - 03:38 pm:

I think the one piece of advice is bleeding afterwards. I mean I knew you would bleed, but had no idea just how yukcy and how long. My dr with my third mentioned how long it should last (2 weeks i am thinking) and I thought, hmmmm it was much longer with my others and they could have done something! and the BM...yep!

By Mommyathome on Thursday, December 4, 2003 - 03:55 pm:

Hmm, I must be the nutcase I didn't want my baby to go to the nursery for the night after she was born. Actually all 3 of my babies stayed with me.

I had waited so long to get them here, and they all turned out so beautiful (biased...I know LOL), they were so sweet and cuddley, that I wanted to keep them with me in the hospital rather than in the nursery. Sure, I didn't get the greatest rest time in, but I wasn't too comfortable anyway. I seemed to bleed a lot and was up every little bit to use the bathroom anyway. I enjoyed having the baby with me.

When I have my next (last ) I am definitely taking advantage of the extended stay in the hospital. I'm going to stay until the insurance company kicks me out LOL. But, it's different with the first I think. I was so excited to get her home and start life with her. But now, with three kids at home, the only *alone and relaxed* time I will have with the new baby will be in the hospital.

Oh boy, this thread is really making me want to have a baby NOW!!

By Battykatty on Thursday, December 4, 2003 - 05:35 pm:

I kept both of mine as much as I could instead of turning them over to the nursery. I just slept better knowing that they were right there in the room with me. (You won't be sleeping ANY sounder with the baby in the nursery due to all the nurse checks coming in with vital signs, pain medication, ivy drips, etc.. I mean, not 2 hours goes by w/out a nurse popping in on the room..) It's such a crazy time.. so my biggest advice: RELAX and ENJOY. Just let it all take its course. Let others do as much as they can w/out you and allow your primary concern to just ENJOY your new baby. You only have that MOMENT ONCE. Before long, they are squirming to get out of your hugs...

By Ginny~moderator on Thursday, December 4, 2003 - 06:50 pm:

By all means take the extended stay.

If someone offers to bring food, accept. If someone offers to come over and do a load of laundry, clean the living room or kitchen, cook a meal, accept.

BUT, other than that, set strict visiting hours. Visitors can only come Mon/Wed/Fri or Sat/Sun afternoons between X & X times, to chat and see the baby. Including family, unless they are going to help out. She will be so tired, and so busy with the baby, she doesn't need a bunch of friendly well-meaning folk sitting around, chatting, expecting coffee/tea, and cooing over a baby who should be sleeping.

If at all possible, fix meals ahead and freeze them. Take dh on a tour of the washer/dryer so he knows how to do a load of laundry, and a tour of the grocery store so he knows how to shop.

Sleep whenever you can, whether it is day or night. Nap when the baby is sleeping, as much as possible, for the first month. You'll need it.

Enjoy the miracle. But don't expect that along with your wonderful baby you suddenly got a cram course in being the perfect mother - it is definitely a learn by doing situation. Call friends and ask for advice whenever you are worried about something - they've been there, done that, and will laugh gently and help.

Oh, and yes, stool softeners, but if you are nursing, check with the doctor first. Maybe something like fiber tablets is better in that case.

By Ginny~moderator on Thursday, December 4, 2003 - 06:52 pm:

By the way, good timing. They get the child tax deduction for the whole year, and she wasn't seriously pregnant during hot weather. That's the way to do it.

By Vicki on Thursday, December 4, 2003 - 08:05 pm:

I agree with kaye. I think one of the most shocking things to me was all of the bleeding. I have never had very heavy periods. The clots alone that I passed after having her freaked me out. I swore I was loosing organs. LOL

By Karen~moderator on Thursday, December 4, 2003 - 08:47 pm:

If she's planning to nurse, if she isn't aware already, she will quickly find out how sore her nipples will be that first week. Masse breast cream was a lifesaver for me! I bought some for Jules when she came home with Madison and she swears by it also.

Definitely take all the help that is offered - if someone wants to prepare meals for you, clean your house, do a few loads of laundry - I had none of that when I had my babies, and I know how much I would have appreciated ANY help at all. So tell her if anyone offers, smile, say Thank You, and accept that offer!

I agree with setting strict limits on the vistations those first few weeks. She's going to be exhausted enough, besides the fact that she and her DH are going to want to settle in to being a *new family*.

OH - and tell her to sleep whenever she gets the chance! She's going to need all the rest she can get, so take advantage of every opportunity.

By Mommyathome on Thursday, December 4, 2003 - 11:23 pm:

I also wanted to ditto the "sleep when she can" statements. If the baby is sleeping in the day, then she should nap too! And, that only works with the first one, so she should take full advantage of it!!!

By Pamt on Thursday, December 4, 2003 - 11:25 pm:

Eve, you stole mine!! My mom had to coach me through the door when I went to the *potty* the first time. I was crying and saying "I just can't do it" with my mom saying "hold onto the toilet seat, grit your teeth, and just go." Oh my goodness the pain!! (blushing wildly). One of my best friends from highschool just had her first baby and I called her. I told her about lining her pad with refrigerated Tucks and she said that sounded like heaven and she was going to do it when we got off the phone--LOL

Breastfeeding advice:
*It doesn't come naturally and it's not easy to start with, but hang in there for at least 6 weeks if you want to try. Lactation consultants are wonderful people!!! Call them as needed.
*For sore nipples, leave some milk on them and turn the blow dryer on low heat and blow your nipples dry. Feels sooo good and helps toughen them up. Also, used wet tea bags in the bra help sore nipples (due to tannic acid)

Chapstick during labor and really warm socks!

By Annie2 on Friday, December 5, 2003 - 03:49 pm:

My friend recommended the first BM while using the Sitz bath. Made everything much more comfortable.

By Mommyathome on Friday, December 5, 2003 - 05:51 pm:

I never had the BM problem, but the doctor warned me about it. I started taking stool softeners right after delivery, and also drank juice like a mad woman! So, I would tell her to drink lots and lots of juice Make sure it is juice, and not something that looks like juice, but is actually only 6% real juice LOL

By Cheerio on Friday, December 5, 2003 - 07:08 pm:

I'm so jealous mommyathome! I didn't fear labor with my second child nearly as much as I feared the BM afterwards!

By Karen~moderator on Friday, December 5, 2003 - 07:41 pm:

Also, regarding breastfeeding, tell her about LaLache League (if she's planning to breastfeed). They are so supportive to new nursing mothers and/or moms who are having problems getting started nursing for whatever reason.

By Bethk on Friday, December 5, 2003 - 08:59 pm:

After having such horrible pregnancies I truly enjoyed my labor. I was in labor with ds for 20 hrs and dd for only 2 hrs. I had none of the problems listed above(thank God). My only problem was swelling, but it didn't interfere with anything. Tell her good luck and to enjoy the life she is bringing into the world. They are only ours to borrow for a short time.

By Newbabysarah on Tuesday, December 9, 2003 - 12:08 pm:

Well, since it hasn't been that long for me I know for sure tell her to do the following:

BRING YOUR OWN PILLOW AND DH TOO! Trust me, after having a baby, you need to be comfortable and those hospital pillows are crap!

BRING FOOD! I had to send my dh out to get me food because they would not let me eat during labor and by the time I had her (10:48pm) and took me to the other mom and baby suite, it was close to midnight and I was STARVING!

I opted to have Sarah taken to the nursery but told them not to give her a bottle because I didn't want her to get the nipple confused with my intention to breastfeed.

By Eve on Tuesday, December 9, 2003 - 12:25 pm:

I'm so surprised that they didn't feed you something! After I had DD at 10:14 pm and they brought me to my room (All private rooms) they asked me if I was hungry. They brought me a muffin and juice. That really would stink! Especially after just ice chips!

By Joan on Tuesday, December 9, 2003 - 02:20 pm:

That is terrible that you were'nt given anything to eat. Our hospital would give me anything anytime I wanted it. I remember one night at about midnight I wanted a snack they sent me a ham sandwich,pudding,small salad,small bag chips and iced tea. I did'nt want all of that at midnight but I could save and have some the next day. Our hospital lets us fill out a menu for our days meals too. It was so nice to be pampered

Mara

By Tonya on Tuesday, December 9, 2003 - 02:25 pm:

Our hospital has changed i nthe last couple of yrs where now they have a menu and you can call and order whatever you want whenever you want between certain hours. Ending at like 10pm. When i had Timmy I had the same problem as some above where I had him and by the time I got to my room 8pm or so the cafe was closed and RIch had to go out and get me something or I would have starved.

By Annie2 on Tuesday, December 9, 2003 - 03:06 pm:

I had my children in three different hospitals and was always given a food tray right after I was "primped". I know this may sound silly to most, but I love hospital food. Maybe it's because I was ravenous when they gave it to me. Or maybe it's because I was served in bed!

By Dananivyboo1 on Tuesday, December 9, 2003 - 06:52 pm:

I would agree with all of these suggestions. Getting help from family and friends is the most wonderful thing ever.

At the hospitol the nurses offered to help me with anything and everything. I was nursing, and really wanted to, but I was overly exhausted. They would serve my son the sugar water and he refused. So they would just bring him when he was really hungry cause he also would latch on a whole lot quicker/easier.

I was suprised about how all the books said nursing was so simple and the child would latch on naturally. Not so!!! It took a little bit for me and my son to get the hang of it. The best thing is to just be calm and take breaks if either of you get frustrated.

-Ivy