My dd (age 7) is very unresponsible. She is always misplacing and losing things which makes me think that what I did today I deserved. She goes to daycare before and after school since I work. Today she bagged me to let her take my gameboy (don't ask me why dh bought me one) to the daycare to play with while she waited for the bus. She PROMISED over and over again to put it in her pack when she was done playing with it. I caved in and let her and guess what....IT'S GONE! She said she put it in her locker at daycare (an open shelf) and forgot it there in the morning. When she went back after school..surprise...it was gone!

What should I do to discipline her and teach her about responsibility?

By Trina~moderator on Tuesday, December 2, 2003 - 11:22 pm:

Personally, if it were my child, I'd have him/her replace the Gameboy. It could be done different ways - paying for a new one with his/her own money, working and doing jobs to earn money to replace it or a combination of the two. Since a Gameboy is a big ticket item the last two approaches would probably be best. SHE lost it, SHE should replace it. JMHO

By Paulas on Wednesday, December 3, 2003 - 12:10 am:

I totally agree but she has no money. We have never had her do jobs for an allowance. When she asked to take it I told her that if she lost lost it that perhaps Daddy and I wouldn't be able to buy any Christmas gifts for her since we would have to use the money to replace it. I figured just the threat would be enough to make her be careful with it. DH thinks that would be too extreme.

I like your idea Trina...any suggestions on what kind of jobs she could do to earn that kind of money. Here, Gameboy cost $135.

By Kaye on Wednesday, December 3, 2003 - 09:24 am:

When my kids need to earn money I pay them for the jobs I like least. I pay a dime a weed they pull (boys those add up fast). Other jobs, cleaning toilets, folding laundry, mopping, organizing games. Or you can say I will pay you 5 dollars a day (or 10, however long you want this to last) for doing 5 jobs of my choice each day. So each day you can come up with a list. This season you could come up with so many! Dusting knick knacks, wrapping gifts, etc. You have to make sure that this isn't FUN for her though, or you lose your whole point.

By Momoffour on Wednesday, December 3, 2003 - 11:08 am:

Paulas my daughter who is 5 is the same way. She is so forgetful its pityful. She will pull her shoes off and 5 minutes later she can't remember where she pulled them off at. The other day she was at the kitchen table eating dinner and she started yelling at our oldest because she thought she took her fork. and all along it was in her dinner plate. Her comment was Ohh I forgot I put it there. LOL

By Tonya on Wednesday, December 3, 2003 - 12:10 pm:

Timmy is 5 and he has to bring in the garbage cans on garbage day, he has to let the dog in and out in the morning and at night he has to unload the dryer and take all the dirty cloths in the laundry room when I am doing laundry. His bed has to be made every morning before we leave the house and he has to clean his room every night before bed.

I say make up a chart and price what each chore is worth and grand total what she has to pay back on the end. Keep track of everythign she does until she has paid it is full. Make her do so many chores a day minimum. Good luck.

By Missy3 on Wednesday, December 3, 2003 - 02:06 pm:

I agree with all the advice given, but you really need to nip this in the bud. You child needs to start paying attention to her world, and trust me I have a daughter that does the same thing. Slow down her day so she is not so hurried, maybe slow down your day as well cuz she is learning it from you. A couple extra minutes in the am might calm her down. Give her extra time to put her things away in the proper spot- and make her spaces for everything that she can see, not hidden or put things in clear bins. Just a suggestion it worked for me and the 10 extra minutes actually gave me a lot less heartache and aggravation!

By Vicki on Wednesday, December 3, 2003 - 02:38 pm:

Personally, I think that you should stick to what you said to her from the start. Although I agree that it pretty harsh, I believe strongly that we have to follow through to out kids with threats. If not, they become meaningless. At the very least, explain to her why you are changing from what you said first.

By Bobbie on Wednesday, December 3, 2003 - 05:42 pm:

I agree with Vicki..

By Paulas on Wednesday, December 3, 2003 - 08:36 pm:

I agree too Vicky and Bobbie but DH doesn't. I guess we could just make all of her gifts from Santa and none from us. I don't know.

I am so upset about this whole thing. If it was the summer I would suggest a yard sale to help earn some of the money but it's waaaaay below 0 here.

By Bobbie on Wednesday, December 3, 2003 - 10:01 pm:

Well, What is DH suggesting then??? He can't just let it slide. The thing is.. Yes she is only 7. But ever unresponsible adult you know didn't turn that way at 18... They learned it from birth and carried it into adulthood because they were aloud too. Taking away all her gifts would be a bit harsh since she is only 7. But he needs to help you come up with something that will teach her that she has to pay better attention to what she is doing and that she is following the "rules". One thing I can suggest is that I would 100% refuse to let her take anything out of the house of any value where she is going to be out of your sight from now on period and she should be made aware not to even ask. That should be part of her "punishment" in my opinion atleast until she start showing more responsible behaviour which could be years from now. Like I said this can't be let ride. The more she does it and isn't held accountable the more of a habit it will become. I am just currious what your DH is thinking about all this and how he thinks it should be handled? And I don't use chores as punishment, chores are the up keep of our home. If I do the laundry although it might feel like punishment to me it is part of living in a family and I don't get paid for it and neither do my children. I know kids that won't do a thing around the house unless there is a dollar coming after it is done and I don't think that is right. It gives them the wrong impression about what chores are about. JMHO, mind you.

By Paulas on Wednesday, December 3, 2003 - 11:10 pm:

Thanks for the input Bobbie. Dh wants to have her do chores to teach her a sense of responsibility. Things like getting clothes ready the night before, getting her back pack ready, cleaning her room, etc. You are right, these are things she should be doing anyway without getting paid for them. I guess we have never really been consistent with enforcing these things. We have decided that she must do a bunch of chores to work off the amount. It will take about 5 weeks to earn it back...that's IF she remembers every chore every day. However, there will be no tv, no inviting friends over or going to friends houses and no brownies until the debt is paid. Once the debt is paid...she will still have to continue with the chores but will be allowed the other things.

By Bobbie on Thursday, December 4, 2003 - 12:28 am:

Sounds like a plan to me Paula. She is 7 so I am sure she will slip up. But stay on her about keeping on task. Once again the whole redirect issue comes up do we ever get away from redirecting? My girls 7 need to be redirected often.

By Paulas on Sunday, January 4, 2004 - 02:45 am:

Just wanted to update you all on this. The last day of school we discovered that the Gameboy had been stolen from the daycare. The boy who took it, age 6, has taken things in the past. He kept it at school and when they searched his locker they discovered another gameboy that had gone missing in October. DD was so happy to get it back. We did explain, however, that had she put it in her backpack instead of in plain view, this may not have happened but who knows...he could easily have taken it from there too.

We have continued with the chores but have selected a few of the more important ones to concentrate on and will add others once those become more of a habit.

By Bobbie on Sunday, January 4, 2004 - 09:32 pm:

Glad it was found. And it sounds like you have a solid plan. Good luck...

By Missy3 on Monday, January 5, 2004 - 12:17 pm:

I am so glad you found it!!! A lesson well learned for DD!!

By Mrsmariohead on Monday, January 5, 2004 - 04:54 pm:

That's awesome. I would never let my DD borrow my Gameboy... and even if I did, if she had lost it, I'd make her feel terrible about it.

On an off note... what game was in the Gameboy at the time?

By Paulas on Tuesday, January 6, 2004 - 02:09 pm:

Groovy Girls which is probably why it was thrown away.

By Mrsmariohead on Tuesday, January 6, 2004 - 11:18 pm:

Never heard of it. Probably a good thing it's gone forever from the place of the earth.

By Paulas on Wednesday, January 7, 2004 - 12:11 am:

Groovy girls are kinda like Barbie. The person who took it was a boy so groovy girls probably aren't his favorite thing.

By Blueridgemom on Wednesday, January 7, 2004 - 09:45 am:

I only have one child that age ( a 6 yr old boy) but I would venture a guess that your daughter is no less responsible than most other 7 yr olds. It would be great to start teaching her more responsibility but maybe start with less expensive items. :-) I am working with DS just teaching him to make his bed and picking up his clothes...I can't imagine giving him a big ticket item like the GB. LOL He'd lose his head if it wasn't attached. His favorite poem is "The Loser" by SHel Silverstein (WHERE THE SIDEWALK ENDS).