My ds is 6 years old. He is very stong willed and not afriad to say what he feels. I've always taught him to speak up for himself. There is an 11 year old girl that used to come to our house wanting to play with him. She does'nt come over anymore because she was very bossy and rude with him. Anyway, I had a big talk with him about sticking up for himself. He would tell me that he had to do what she said because she was bigger and older than him. Well, I told him that just because someone is bigger or older than you does'nt mean that you have to do something that you don't want to or don't feel is right. This was last summer. I've had this discussion many times with him because I don't want someone abusing him, sexually, mentally, or phyically. I've ALWAYS told him that he never has to go along with the "group" if it is something that he feels is wrong. To always stand up for himself. That if someone is trying to make him do something that he doesn't want to do to say NO.
Here is my problem.....This year in school he is getting into trouble for not doing things his teacher wants him to do. He is in kindergarten and at the end of the day they have clean up. He tells the teacher that if he did'nt make the mess then he does'nt have to help clean it! When he has something to say he expects everyone to stop what they are doing and listen to him, even if it means stopping a story, or a game, or the teacher in the middle of a lesson. When he wants a drink of water he wants it now and will not want to do anything until he gets his drink. He is not like this at home. He does'nt always get his way and there are concequinces(sp) when he disobeys. He teacher seems to think that he will get better with this as the school year goes on. I've told him that he has to do what the teacher says even if he feels that he does'nt want to. But now I'm going against what I've alwasys told him. I'm afriad that I'm confusing him. Maybe I worry too much, but I don't want him to get a teacher one year that is'nt a good person and tells him to do something, or trys to touch him or wants him to touch them and then he thinks that he has to. I was abused as a child by a very close family member and I thought that I had to do it because they were older and bigger and they were someone I was suppose to trust. How do I teach him when to stand up for himself and say NO and when to do something you don't want to do even when an adult tells you to......
This parenting stuff can be hard, and I don't want to screw up my kids LOL

Any help or advice??

Mara

By Sunny on Thursday, November 20, 2003 - 03:06 pm:

Explain to him that there are rules at school that all the students need to follow and these rules are helping us learn how to be a good person, friend, and student.

I'm guessing that you've told him about "good touch" and "bad touch", but if you haven't, do it now. He should know what is expected of him in school, at home and around his friends and when it's okay to say no.

On the bright side, he is already standing up for himself. He is listening to you when you talk to him and as long as you keep that communication open, he'll continue to listen as he gets older.

By Cat on Thursday, November 20, 2003 - 03:16 pm:

Oh, Mara, can I relate. My 10yo ds likes to tell me "It's a free country!" lol I reply, yes, but there are still rules to follow. It's so hard to teach them how to respectfully stand up for themselves to adults. I'd just tell him that in school he needs to listen to the teacher and help her out, even if he didn't make the mess (or whatever). He does sound very strong willed--but that's not always a bad thing! Someday, he will make a great leader. Good luck!

By Insaneusmcwife on Thursday, November 20, 2003 - 09:06 pm:

I have a really good book that I read to both of my kids...MY BODY IS PRIVATE by Linda Walvoord Girard. I got it from Amazon. I also have another one...IT'S MY BODY by Lory Freeman. Also from Amazon. They helped me to explain to ds the difference between good touches and bad touches and how to know whether or not to listen to the older bigger person. Good Luck.

By Colette on Friday, November 21, 2003 - 05:29 am:

There are a LOT of kindergarten kids that behave that way. They are only 5 or 6 and are still learning the rules. One thing that works with some kids is the sticker reward thing. They have a chart and if they have a good day, they get a sticker. If they have more good days than bad days at the end of the week they get a treat from the principal. This worked very well with two little boys we had in kindergarten last year.

I don't really love this method, I think it's unfair to the kids who do behave and do what they are told, but it does work.