Okay, I am just at a loss here. My dd who is a bright kid, just isn't wokring. She is sitting in her class just doing nothing, when I ask why she isn't working she either jsut grunts, or yells at me that it is too hard. In the classroom, she just makes it look like she is working if she is caught doing nothing. Okay, well first off, it isn't too hard, no where close. Actually as far as math goes, she tested out in her old school in the gifted program. Here she made a 66 on the test . But it is because she didn't answer the questions that she wasn't sure of. So when she does her math work she gets 97 or higher, but she doesn't do half of them. She has huge organizational issues, heck my whole family does...but we try hard to keep on top of it. But she just is so defiant these days. I am able to deal with it pretty calmly and walk away. I have explained to her that plain and simple this is her job, she can choose to not do it, but she is choosing to repeat 4th grade next year. That makes her grunt too. Her dad, he isn't coping so well with it, long story, but he isn't parenting very good with her, so I mostly try to keep him out of it. She has always had some issues in school, she is rather lazy, she will do as little as she has to. She is one of those quiet kids, so teachers don't notice that she isn't working. So at the end of gradin periods they find she has much uncompleted work and they work with her. UGH! For example last night at might home she had to flip through flash cards, write 20 spelling words 3 times and fill out 2 worksheets. The worksheets were read a paragraph and then there were 6 questions like in sentences 8 what correction needs made a.b. or c. In reality this should have taken tops an hour, but probably closer to 30 minutes. Guess how long it took at my house?? 5 HOURS and we didn't finish. She took a break right after school and 30 mintues for dinner. At 10 o clock you go to bed, finished or not (normal bed time is 8:30). So she is a real bear this moring. She did finish her worksheet in less that 5 mintues this morning. But short of giving her the answers we just can't make her work. Can you see I am going nuts here? So any ideas? What is wrong with my child? How can I help her? These kind of nights are happening on a very regular basis, used to be once a month, now it is a least weekly if not twice a week. My feelings for her are being affected (it is hard to like a kid who is just being a %$#@), my husband and I are at each other, for me instead of yelling at her I tend to take it out on him, he just gets mad at everyone. I know we can't do this much longer, but I just don't know where to turn. I have had 3 meetings with her teachers, they seem to think I can fix it at home. They are getting no where either and are doing a great job of making me feel like I am the worst parent in the world. I feel like most of her issues stem from not wanting to make any mistakes, rather have nothing done than something done wrong. She throws a big fit if we have to go back to the school to get something "someone might see me". This is the kid at 18 months wanted to go to the mall and I said no and she help her breath and passed out. I always new she was spirited, stong willed, etc. But it just seems we are at a whole new level. When she is in a good mood, she is the best kid, loves you, hugs you, is helpful etc. She even won a pageant for best personality (if they only knew). So I know that she can behave, she can turn it on and off like a switch. Okay so I am rambling, but I am just at a loss. Thanks for reading this far!

By Mommmie on Tuesday, November 18, 2003 - 10:39 am:

Sorry you are having trouble with your daughter. I doubt it is your parenting!!

Have you had her evaluated for learning disabilites, ADD, oppositional defiant disorder, depression, etc? Have these types of things been ruled out?

By Lauram on Tuesday, November 18, 2003 - 01:20 pm:

Here are some other areas to research:

Gifted underachievers
OCD
Perfectionism

By Melissa on Tuesday, November 18, 2003 - 03:55 pm:

I wonder if it doesn't have to do with being a perfectionist and being gifted? My dd is probably gifted (too young to really test) but at 5 she's reading well, doing fractions, basically she is working at a beginning of 3rd grade level. With her I notice that sometimes she won't try something if she is not sure she knows the answer, she tends to think when introduced to a new concept, say writing cursive, that she should already magically know how to do it perfectly. And if she can't she doesn't like to do it. I'd do some research on gifted kids if I were you, they can be very challenging.

By Feona on Wednesday, November 19, 2003 - 08:02 am:

Hugs. I am going through school hell myself so I relate.

I would enroll her in Sylvan or something like that.

Sounds like you need a break. It is not your fault.

By Mommmie on Wednesday, November 19, 2003 - 10:34 am:

You can write to your school requesting they evaluate your daughter. Maybe you can get some answers that way, or rule out some things.

Or, even better, although pricey, is to have her evaluated outside the school district.

By John on Wednesday, November 19, 2003 - 04:22 pm:

This sort of behavior can be very common in gifted children placed in a regular school environment that doesn't present a challenge.

This link may help:

http://www.teachersfirst.com/gifted/spot.html


Does her new school have a gifted program OR offer the opportunity to be grade advanced in particular subjects?

By Momsmyteacher on Wednesday, November 19, 2003 - 11:25 pm:

I don't know if I'd have her evaluated in school. That brings so much into it, all state requirements. ofcourse I only know how my state is.
When both of my children were young I had them evaluated for speech. They both were put into programs for it. It didnt help my DD and we spent many hours pushing for more time with the pathalogist and what not. Now we homeschool and I can't get rid of the school system.
An outside evaluation is best. Work with someone privately, a lot of times your insurance will cover these costs too.
Don't blame it on yourself either. That just stresses you out and it's most likely not your fault anyway.