I went out for lunch today with Boxzgrl and her beautiful baby Kaitlyn to Carrows...My demon dd was horrible. She was screaming and throwing a tantrum...she didn't want to sit in the highchair...didn't want to sit in the booster seat...didn't want to sit in the chair...didn't want to sit in my lap....she wanted ice...the waitress brought her ice...she didn't want that ice she wanted the ice in her drink...she wouldn't eat...It was like she was posessed. I have never seen her act like this...I was so embarassed. We could hear people talking about it...People saying "my grandkids would never act like this" "she needs a good spanking". I am at my wits end with this child. I don't know what to do every day things are getting worse. I just keep telling myself that things will get better when dh comes home....Spanking her dosn't work..she looks at me as if to say "was that supposed to hurt" she has even yelled and me and told me "BE NICE!" after I spanked her. Time out dosn't work she just screams at the top of her lungs. I don't know what to do...she is a little tornado...into everything...destroying everything she touches...She broke 2 of my DVD's this week....Just now she dumped a whole box of cereal on the floor....

By Susan10 on Saturday, September 20, 2003 - 12:43 am:

I HATE it when people make comments like those know-it-alls in the restaurant. My daughter was awful at restaurants. She would scream like a maniac. Once we went to an Italian restaurant, and all she wanted to do was eat the mints by the cash register, and cry if we told her she couldn't. We stopped going to restaurants until the kids got older. Grocery shopping was the same way. My sister said to me, "WHY DO YOU TAKE HER GROCERY SHOPPING??" and so I stopped that, too. Anyway, now she's a wonderful teenager. They grow out of these things. Just keep on correcting her behaviour, but pick your battles. (For instance, to me dumping out the cereal, while annoying, isn't a punishable offense. A simple, "Let's stay out of the cereal" will do. Even running around and making noise at home isn't. Disrespect is a no no). And forget about restaurants and supermarkets, because all bets are off in these places. I agree, if spanking doesn't work, forget it. Have you tried making her stand in a corner?

By Marcia on Saturday, September 20, 2003 - 01:08 am:

Sounds like posts Kim used to write about "The Kaylanator"!!!!
Sorry you're going through such struggles with your little one. Hopefully things will change when daddy gets home.

By Trina~moderator on Saturday, September 20, 2003 - 08:34 am:

Sounds familiar. {{{HUGS}}} We avoided going out to eat for a long time. Typically toddlers don't do well at restaurants unless it's a VERY family friendly place.

By Marg on Saturday, September 20, 2003 - 04:37 pm:

You know it's funny. I have an dd - 11, and dd-7. They were wonderful anywhere. Then came dd who's three. We don't take her many places because of people and their comments, looks and attitudes. When she has a meltdown, it is usual a 5 or greater. No way of calming her down, but by taking a nap (usually in her own bed). So know how you feel and it can only get better, someday...

By Oliviasmom on Monday, September 22, 2003 - 09:44 am:

I find you have to ACT on bad behaviour immediately. You must find something that will be the punishment then ACT immediately. My kids know the rules before we enter a store. As I park the car, we go through the rules - no running, no grabbing, no loud talking, no asking for stuff (my biggie) etc. IF anyhting happens, I drop everything and leave the store. They know my threats are not empty! If we make it through the store, there's a treat at the end of it for them usually - not every time, but usually!

Restaurants - my DS (on the other strong willed post I explained he's like that) he's very difficult to control. Restaurants were and sometimes still are hard for him. He can't sit still for long. We only choose kid-friendly restaurants - Swiss Chalet, jack Astor's. And I make sure he can handle it - meaning he hasn't had an already full day, or the opposite - boring uneventful day where he needs to "let some energy go". I've left restaurants - if even to take him out to the car for 10 mins to show him, he loses that privilege until he can behave.

My thoughts are - you think ahead. You're always watching them and reading them - why are they doing this now? Food, tired, over stimulated, under stimulated etc. I've learned to read both my kids. I know what makes them tick. I'm usually a step head. I always joke - there's that "fine line" that you can cross sometimes. Well, many times, we don't "cross" it we - JUMP over it!

I have found that when I ACT on their behaviour it works. Don't let anything go. Yes, choose your battles, BUT don't allow bad or inappropriate behaviour be that one you don't choose. Before you know it you could be 1 step forward 5 steps back.

Last but not least - I verbally acknowledge all good behaviour ALL the time. This way they know what is expected and what makes me happy!

By Oliviasmom on Monday, September 22, 2003 - 09:47 am:

Oops, I forgot to mentions - my time outs, as I described in the strong willed post are different. I sit with him in his room and physically hold him until he settles down. Once he's settle, we discuss what has happened. Putting him in his room alone, only made him worse. He threw the biggest fits that he wasn't even realizing what was happening to him. Sitting with him gives us an opportunity to take control - because it was obvious he couldn't do it on his own.

By Annie2 on Tuesday, September 23, 2003 - 12:04 am:

I'm with Oliviasmom...to some point.
I do not have a strong-willed child...I have 4 kids with different personalities, different bad days, good days. Three can be great, one can be a bad apple, etc. This is where we run into trouble.
The restaurant scene is much better for us these days. The kids can read menus, interact with the waiters. Our big issue now is visiting the restrooms. I know I was the same way!
We now try to be seated at a table which is in a direct walking and sight view from the restrooms. The kids can wash their hands, check out the dryer or towels, etc.!
Agreeing with Oliviasmom, a parent needs to read their child. When this is possible. If not, the parent needs to take the child elsewhere so not to ruin the other paying patrons dining, shopping or trying to enjoy their kid-free entertainment experience.
BTDT on both ends!

By Jtw on Wednesday, September 24, 2003 - 12:08 am:

I always say that I go out to relax, and taking the kids with me is NOT RELAXING! But, since your DH isn't here, that is easier said then done! I agree with the above posts, about disciplining them right away. If spanking does not work you have to find something that does. Maybe it is a matter of taking something important away from her or something like that. Every kid is different. Or try distraction before it gets to the point of terror! I always bring along my "bag of tricks". This includes snacks, crayons, coloring books, little toys, books, etc. This way you always have something when the mood starts to turn. Or you could just look at those rude poeple and say, "You got a problem? I guess you forgot what it is like to have little kids!" Okay, I know you aren't going to do that, but wouldn't it be nice sometimes when people are gawking?

By Insaneusmcwife on Wednesday, September 24, 2003 - 12:17 am:

lol...it would be nice to tell them that and if I wasn't so busy trying to calm her down I probably would. I am usually very outspoken but I am so overwhelmed with her that it is sometimes hard. I tried distracting her...she had crayons and crackers and drinks and her dora toy...I thing she was just tired. It isn't always like this when we go out...Just more so now that Daddy is starting to come home...I thing she is trying to get all the badness out before he comes home.

By Feona on Wednesday, September 24, 2003 - 05:55 am:

I certainly understand she is not herself with her daddy in Iraq. Who could be?

By Mommymindy on Friday, October 3, 2003 - 01:33 pm:

I agree with Oliviasmom. It doesn't matter what you say you are going to do to them unless you follow through with it. I have to say that I can take the baby and both toddlers to any fine dining restaurant or otherwise and they behave & people say "Oh, look how well behaved they are" Maybe we're just lucky, I don't know. We had one incident once that I can remember when we only had 2 children, and we got our food to go & left. My kids REALLY like to go out to eat at restaurants, so I guess they just know that we will leave if they act out. There is also the threatning to take them to the bathroom. They don't want to go to the bathroom, especially with daddy! LOL As far as being worried that their pottytraining will be affected if you spank them in the bathroom- I can't really say. My son never confuses the two. He definately understands the difference between him telling us he needs to go pee pee and us telling him he's "going to the bathroom". You also, like Oliviasmom said, have to make sure you're not setting unreasonable expectations for them (not that taking her out to lunch WAS unreasonable, I know it wsan't), but like make sure they're not overtired or sick or whatever. My children behave in public I think, because they like to go places and I usually have the option to run my errands by myself or not go wherever we were going to go if they act out!!

By Mommymindy on Friday, October 3, 2003 - 01:35 pm:

Oh, I just saw that her dad is away. That could have something ot do with her bahavior! Kids react differently to things. Oh, and have you tried telling her she can do something that she likes to do afterward, if she acts right during the thing that you need to do? And then if she doesn't act right, you don't let her do whatever it is.