I don't even know if this is the term I should use.

I have an a dd who's 11 (an angel), a dd who's 7 (she's the one who makes me laugh) and a dd who's 3 (what can I say).

The three yo is strong-willed, stubborn and believes she should do everything her older sisters do.

I am at my wits end. I will be cleaning something and she is at the other end of the room producing a hurricane. She is very lovable, but wants all the attention. She will not sit still for anything, not even to eat.

My huge problem is when she is bad I have not found a punishment to suit her. When I spank, it is useless. I can yell, does not work. Timeouts do not work. I could look at my oldest child sternly and she would behave. The middle child, timeouts worked. This one I need help. Any suggestions?

I am with her 24/7. My mom was my babysitter (mom passed away a year and half ago). I fear leaving her with a babysitter. My husband teases me that she would drive a babysitter insane.

She is very helpful when I have things she can help me with otherwise "watchout."

Just frustrated...

By Tunnia on Wednesday, September 17, 2003 - 08:36 pm:

Marg, I have a three year old ds who is exactly as you describe so you have my sympathy! If and when you find something that works, please let me know. The only thing that I have found that works with ds is giving him extra undivided attention. He just seems to need a little more than most kids. Good luck!

By Trina~moderator on Wednesday, September 17, 2003 - 10:20 pm:

I highly recommend this book. It has been very helpful in our house.

Raising Your Spirited Child: A Guide for Parents Whose Child Is More Intense, Sensitive, Perceptive, Persistent, Energetic
by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka

By Susan10 on Wednesday, September 17, 2003 - 10:50 pm:

Punishments didn't work on my son, either. The one thing I finally did was make him stand in a corner with his nose right next to the wall. Timeouts in a room didn't work, but this did. The first few times he stood in that corner for 45 mins before he ate his dinner or whatever he was supposed to do, but it did work.

By Marg on Thursday, September 18, 2003 - 01:23 pm:

Trina,
I will have to get the book.

I took dd to grocery store today. That's all I'll say.

By Lauram on Thursday, September 18, 2003 - 09:48 pm:

I was going to suggest that book too- but Trina beat me to it. Another book I highly recommend for "difficult" kids is Kids, Parents and Power Struggles" also by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. I have two VERY difficult boys. What's interesting to me is the second boy- who is the MOST difficult at home (he's 18 mo) is an absolute ANGEL at daycare. I really think they think I'm someone else's parent! He has pink eye so he has to get drops there (if you ever had to do this it is a nightmare!) and they told me his is the model child- doesn't say a peep or move at all. I said, "GRRRRRR!" THey laughed. So maybe there is hope. Believe me, I'd rather have it that they let it all hang out at home- than at school. My oldest has MAJOR issues at school. NO fun!

By Feona on Friday, September 19, 2003 - 06:56 am:

I can't take ds grocery store shopping more than 10 minutes.

I really have to constantly remind myself that my 3 and 1/2 year old

is sensitive
and
has limited patience or focus?

and it isn't his fault and he isn't having a melt down on purpose.

Some kids are more sensitive than others. It is really hard. Ds woke up from a nap in the car after ot and speech and nursery school.

He wouldn't get out of the car for what seemed like 10 or more minutes. Over tired - over stimulated - totally not his fault. He is always like that after therapy.

By Renee on Friday, September 19, 2003 - 08:09 am:

What has been working for my strong willed child is standing with her nose to the wall, out of earshot from tv and the punishment chair which in no way can she have near a tv. She is 6 so she is punished for 6 minutes and it starts when she is sitting/standing still. If she starts fussing, the time starts all over again. We've had her there for hours and now she is learning that its best to be good now so its done and over with .

By Feona on Saturday, September 20, 2003 - 05:58 am:

I do something similiar with my ds. No tv (time out) untill he lets me brush his teeth.

He always lets me brush his teeth now.

By Marg on Saturday, September 20, 2003 - 03:39 pm:

Ok Feona, I have the same problem with dd age 3, she thinks it is a game to brush her teeth. I will have to try it!

Another question. Do any of you take your strong-willed child and set through church. I would but there is one woman who makes children feel unwanted in our church.

By Feona on Sunday, September 21, 2003 - 07:39 am:

Do they have a nursery?

By Susan10 on Sunday, September 21, 2003 - 12:43 pm:

Sit through church? No way.

By Marg on Sunday, September 21, 2003 - 08:11 pm:

I live in a pretty rural area. Our church is quite small. It seats up to 102 people. I teach infants up to the time they go into first grade. My mom taught first and second grade. No teacher for that class right now. Preacher's wife (who's 70 something teaches kids in third grade up to they are 11. My husband teaches 11-13. Right now we have 5 sunday school kids. Guess what? Three of those five are mine!! Anyway, we don't have a nursery.

But, I only have my three year old in my class right now and it does not look like any more in the near future. However, we had a 4 yo visitor today. And my 3 yo loved having a playmate. She (dd) was selfish at times. But she behaved for the whole hour.

I am sometimes criticized because we do not stay for all of church or go to all of the services. Then if we do go and she misbehaves I hear that children "should be seen and not heard." It is only one woman in particular, but she forgets what a 3 yo can be like. My mom used to tell me how bad her ds could be...

By Dawnk777 on Sunday, September 21, 2003 - 08:41 pm:

At my church, we do have a nursery, but people tend to keep their kids in church. We have plenty that can't "sit". Most of them are quiet, though, but sometimes they aren't. People do leave and then come back later. We are a growing little church, though, so it seems there are always little ones around.

Oh, and how did those first babies get to be 10 year olds so fast? We have been going to church here for 10 years now and the babies when we started are almost through elementary school already.

By Oliviasmom on Monday, September 22, 2003 - 09:33 am:

My 4 y/o DS is exactly the same way! He's the youngest of 2. Might be a birth order thing???


Anyhow, I also found that most punishments didn't work. Time outs made him even more mad. DH once locked his bedroom door and man, DS lost it. And I don't blame him.

I have now found that I do time outs differently. He and I go to his room and I physically home him on my lap until he settles down. He's not alone and it gives us a chance to discuss exactly what's he's done wrong and how he should have behaved. It's worked wonders for him. It's time consuming and I've burned dinner once because of it, but we've made such progress.

Good luck!