Is this inappropriate for a teacher to discuss in class?
Moms View Message Board: Parenting Discussion: Is this inappropriate for a teacher to discuss in class?
This is 4th grade.
We went out to dinner as a family the other night. DH and I were talking about some friends of ours that are in way over their heads financially. Our 4th grader chimed in and said "Miss _____ told us about her brother in law that had problems with money and the IRS said he owed them $10K and he couldn't pay it so he killed himself". I FLIPPED out. I could feel my heart rate increasing by the second.
We talked to her a little more about what Miss ______ had said. I guess she told them the whole story of how her BIL felt like he couldn't ever come up with that money, and he didn't want his family to have to deal with it, so he killed himself.
Now, IMO, 4th graders should not be told things like this. My DD talked about it as if it were a normal thing to do. Kind of like it was a logical way out of a problem. No big deal.
We talked to DD extensively about how killing yourself is not the answer, regardless of the problem.
Is this inappropriate? Am I being too overprotective for her age?
That is completely inappropriate and you should call the school on it. My dd in 5th grade gets very upset about death topics and when someone dies or someone talks about someone who died tragically, she gets very upset and will then worry for weeks over it. I would call or better yet, go in and speak with the principal.
Absolutely inappropriate. Sad, but not something she should talk about in class, whether 4th graders, 12th graders, or college students. You absolutely should not call the school but write a letter (on paper, not e-mail) to the principal immediately.
Do you know any parents of your daughter's classmates? Maybe other kids talked about it at home.
If your daughter raises it again, you can point out to her that him killing himself didn't solve the problem, because his wife still owes the IRS $10,000, which she will have to pay without her husband's salary supporting her and the family, and his family is left without a father and without his financial support.
I *don't* think you are being over-protective. Young children don't look beyond the immediate act and it's immediate cause, and, sadly, our young people (between 15-25 are at the highest risk for suicide. I think this is an issue where there is no such thing as being an over-protective parent.
One of my sons was hospitalized 4 times over about 20 years for being at risk for suicide. The last time, when he asked me to take him to the hospital, he told me that the only thing that stopped him was he knew how much it would hurt me. Unfortunately, most people who actually do it don't think hard enough about the pain they are causing those they leave behind.
Obviously, this is a hot button issue for me.
Wow. Not only inappropriate but unnecessary. I can't believe she would even talk about something like that to kids who are in that age group. Awful!! 
If I ever had a story to share, there was always a "life lesson" behind it...and that's 9th-12th graders!!! I don't even think I would mention that story to them unless one of them wanted to discuss that subject personally.
Ugh. What is wrong with teachers these days???
Totally inappropriate!!!! I would discuss it with the teacher right away. There's absolutely no reason for her to share that story. Give me a break!
Another one for the Good GRIEF pile.
Ditto Ginny. I was going to say that there is no way you are being over protective. 4th graders are still at tender ages (9-10) and still need to have things explained to them carefully, preferably by a parent.
Besides I see no reason why suicide would be a topic that even needs to be discussed in a classroom setting anyway.
I would sit down and have a good talk with the teacher and/or the principal.
Totally inappropriate, but I would guess she is not in the proper state of mind to distinguish the difference right now. I can't imagine what I would be going thru under the same conditions. I would bring this to the attention of her principal. Sounds like she needs to take some time off for her own mental health and healing.
I would definitely talk to the teacher, or principal about this.
My ds, who was in 3rd grade last year, came home and told dh and I that a substitute teacher was telling the class about when he was in the war. He went into detail about shooting people, and the things that he experienced while there. It was totally inappropriate. I have a good relationship with the vice principal, so I talked to her about it. She was shocked, and very upset. A few other parents also complained. Needless to say, this man is not teaching at ds's school anymore.
I really don't think some teachers realize what type of impact these stories have on kids that age.
So no, I do not think you are over reacting at all.
So out of line. I was in middle school when a next door neighbor killed himself, he was a friend and co-worker of my dad. My parents took care in how they sat me down and told me, that is not a topic to be discussed lightly! Even if the kids in the class had any reason to know, it's something the counselors should have been involved in discussions.
Another inappropriate vote!
I have a 4th grader and recently one of my friends husbands killed himself. My children know my friend, but not the husband. I chose not to tell my 4th grader because it was too serious of a topic for him to fully grasp. I did tell my intermediate school kids, but from the light of, what a mess he left for his family. How this is never a good choice, etc, etc. Both of them are that age I think having important discussions about choices we make affecting everyone, is important. I sat down with each of them individually and answered their questions. It was NOT a light hearted flippant question.
Now I will say that I don't think that 4th grade is too young to discuss bankruptcy and that being an issue of more than you can spend, etc.
I would be at the school, saying please speak to this teacher.
I also I think I try to go back to the why would this teacher mention this...two reasons, one she is just too stupid to know boundries and that has to be corrected or she needs to not be teaching, or she is emotionally really upset and not handing it well, and then she needs help, her 4th graders are not her support group. I can't come up with other reasons..LOL
I teach jr. high, and I think this was totally inappropriate! Kids don't need to be thinking about things like this unless they are forced to deal with this issue in their family. The teacher needs to unload on her therapist and not 9-year-olds! I don't think I knew what suicide was until at least 12, and no adult other than my parents would have ever dreamed of bringing it up!
I will admit that I have told my 8th graders about an uncle of mine who died due to sniffing paint thinner as a young man. However, I feel that it was a valuable topic for them because it was in the context of a discussion about their goals for adulthood, current actions and attitudes towards life, and stupid choices that will ruin their lives. But, the difference is that these kids are 13-14, already know peers who are doing drugs, and are a group of academically unmotivated kids who are headed for trouble.
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