My older, adopted DS (age 15) had a problem with a kid last year. This kid is rude, disrespectful to his parents, (especially his mother), has no boundaries, and is a substance abuser. He latched onto Shawn last year, because he is a loner, and Shawn was the "new kid". Shawn got detentions last year from hanging out with this kid, and decided over the summer, with no contact, that he wanted to start fresh with a new group of friends. He was nervous about seeing this Robbie in school. Well, of course, first day, first period algebra, guess who's in his class? Lockers are in short supply, so they have to double up. Robbie commandeered Shawn's locker, and put a lock on it. He told Shawn that they were locker partners. (The partners are ASSIGNED by the office). I knew that that couldn't be the case, as I had made it clear to the school that I wanted SPACE put between them. I also don't want Shawn sharing a locker with him, because if there is an illegal substance in the locker, they BOTH get arrested. Shawn was upset, but AFRAID to confront Robbie. So, I went to school yesterday, to speak to the dean of students, AND the juvenile officer. They verified that Robbie is NOT supposed to be in Shawn's locker. In fact, Shawn has a locker of his own, with NO partner. They moved Robbie's stuff to his own locker, and told him to stay away from Shawn. When I left the school office, Robbie was sitting there waiting to see the dean ,and if looks could kill, I'd be stone, cold dead! He later told Shawn that he is going to "sue" me. LOL
Shawn just wants a good year. He wants no trouble, but he also wants to hang out with POSITIVE kids. Robbie was "borrowing" Shawn's homework last year, and they got caught, and both got a ZERO on a major test. The kid is a USER, and I dislike him, more than I can tell you. Shawn has enough problems adjusting to a new home, new family, and now a diagnosis of bipolar disorder. I feel like Robbie is bullying him, and I really don't know what he's capable of.
Any thoughts?

By Dawnk777 on Wednesday, September 10, 2003 - 01:07 am:

That sounds very scary! Sounds like you will have to stay on top of things, as you have already with the locker incident! I don't blame Shawn for wanting to stay away from him.

By Ginny~moderator on Wednesday, September 10, 2003 - 06:42 am:

I agree, bullying and potentially more. Definitely you want to stay on top of it, and you want the school to stay on top of it. Can they move Shawn to a different Algebra class? If you talk with them about the problem with the test last year and the detentions, that might help motivate them. If it were me, I'd be telling the school that Shawn is vulnerable and this boy has "used" him in the past, and that you are afraid that since you took action to get him out of Shawn's locker he might try to "get even" with Shawn, and that they have a responsibility to protect Shawn. Schools are becoming more aware of the dangers of bullying since Columbine and since some parents have successfully sued schools when their children are made victims - your school needs to be made fully aware of the risks to Shawn and of their responsibility. Especially since Shawn has made the choice of staying away from this boy if he can.

If at all possible, can you convince Shawn that he needs to report any interaction between him and Robbie to you so that you can stay on top of it and help the school to stay on top of it. I know this goes against the teenage boy code, but if you can persuade him, it might help.

I can definitely understand that you "dislike" this boy. BTDT. Dislike, I think, is a very mild word for how we mothers feel when someone is a threat to our children. Try angry mother bear for comparison - which is how I have reacted.

By Bobbie on Wednesday, September 10, 2003 - 06:42 am:

It is not bulling yet. Unless Shawn is being threatened by him? Him just being mad isn't grounds for bulling. Tell Shawn to talk to you and that the two of you will handle this if something comes of it. and Robbie does sound like a the type to bully. Sounds like a kid with a lot of issues himself and not a very good support system for Shawn. But I think often kids like Robbie latch on to the new kid. Just keep your eyes and ears open and tell Shawn to not take anything from him... He doesn't desirve it and Robbie has no right to do it. Good luck....

By Karen~moderator on Wednesday, September 10, 2003 - 02:44 pm:

I think it's bullying by way of intimidation and manipulation. I agree, stay on top of it, do whatever you can and have to do. Teens are particularly hesitant to *tattle* on other kids, or to go to adults when they are having problems with other kids, because these trouble-making kids find a way to make things worse for them. Sometimes kids need help and they either won't, or are afraid to ask for it, so in this case, I think staying very involved and on top of this situation will be an immense help to your DS.

By Lauram on Wednesday, September 10, 2003 - 06:40 pm:

It wouldn't constitute bullying by CT law - YET but the warning signs are there.

By Ginny~moderator on Wednesday, September 10, 2003 - 10:20 pm:

I agree, Laura, it may not fit a legal definition of bullying, but the intimidation is already there with the school locker. If it were my kid I would certainly be as worried as Hol is.

By Cat on Wednesday, September 10, 2003 - 11:32 pm:

I'd say it's at least harrassment. {{{{{Hugs}}}}} to both your ds and you. I agree with everyone else. Stay on top of this.