Ok, I'm at a loss here. My DD just started kindergarten a couple of weeks ago. She only knows a couple of the kids in her class. She has no problem making friends. She's very outgoing.

I'm trying to figure out how to teach her to choose good friends without giving her the impression that some kids aren't good kids etc. Does that make sense? There are just some kids that I would really prefer that she not hang out with.

I know I can't pick her friends for her. (though I wish I could!) I know that kids at this age (5-6) are a big reflection of their parents. I feel bad for some of the kids that come from the drug/alcohol environment and I don't want my DD to be unkind to them because I know that the little kids are innocent and that they are just in a bad situation. But, some of them are just little holy terrors that are troublemakers. That's the ones I would prefer she doesn't become good friends with.

How do I explain that to her? Or, do I just let it go and *hope* that she chooses good friends? Or, maybe we could have a little family evening about choosing good friends etc? I'm totally at a loss.

I hope this post doesn't sound too judgemental, because that wasn't my intention. I'm just a nervous kindergarten mom. Hopefully this all makes sense Thanks for reading if you did! lol

By Melanie on Monday, September 8, 2003 - 05:39 pm:

While you can't choose her friends (and by attempting to you may actually push her to the friends you are hoping she will spend less time with), you can certainly make certain friendships more likely to bloom at this age. Arrange playdates outside of school with the kids you are hoping she will bond with. She is more likely to spend time with them in school if she sees them in a social setting as well.

By Hol on Monday, September 8, 2003 - 05:46 pm:

That, I'm afraid is a problem at all ages. It's even harder in the teen years. I agree totally with Melanie. Arrange friendships with children whose parents' values are consistent with yours.

By Bellajoe on Monday, September 8, 2003 - 06:12 pm:

I completely understand where you are coming from, Robin.
I guess just trying to arrange a playdate with the preferred friend is the best idea. It's so hard to protect your little ones from bad influences.

By Karen~moderator on Monday, September 8, 2003 - 07:32 pm:

Again, I agree with Melanie. She's absolutely correct, if you actively DIScourage certain friendships, it tends to make those all the more attractive, so you defeat your purpose in doing that. However, by doing everything you can to ENcourage certain friendships, you help give those relationships a chance to grow.

All parents go through this with their kids, and there's no guarantee your child isn't going to really like being friends with an *undesirable* child. The best solution to that is to make them welcome in your home and allow the out-of-school socializing to take place only in your home, or wherever you are present to supervise it.

As for the obvious troublemakers, you have the right to put your foot down on that and just tell your child that you will not allow her to play with children that do not follow rules, etc.

By Mommyathome on Monday, September 8, 2003 - 08:06 pm:

Thanks girls It may sound silly but I seriously never even thought of doing some playdates with some of the *good* kids in the class. I was so worried about what would happen while she was at school. Didn't even occur to me that I could bring the whole situation home and encourage things that way. Now it sounds very logical and like a great idea! Thanks for opening my eyes!