Ok, DW and I are not pacifier people. Just not our thing, don't enen have them in the house. Wasn't an issue at all with DD.
However DS is a comfort boob guy. He wants to suck lots of times not to eat, but just to suck. It's a bit of a problem making DW sore. So the other night at 3am she's so sore she's about crying and hasn't slept more than 5 hours a night and no more than one hour at a time since he was born. So since I know he's not hungry I took him downstairs to give her a break. Problem is that I don't have boobs to comfort him. Then I remember that just a few days before we got a pacifier in a gift bundle from someone. I broke that sucker out and it worked like a charm. He sucked for 10 minutes and went right to sleep for over a hour which is really good for him.
Now that DW is back at work I'm having serious problems comforting him. He hates for me to hold him unless he's sucking on something. So now I'm feeling guilty for using a pacifier when I said I never would.

By Ginnyk on Monday, August 25, 2003 - 10:42 am:

A famous philosopher/sportsman once said "never say never". A good thing to remember.

My guess, based on personal experience and the experiences of many others, is that he will give up the pacifier when he needs less comforting/sucking. In the meantime, my personal philosophy about pacifiers, thumb-sucking, blankies, etc., is if it works and doesn't do any harm, do it.

If you have to choose between a cranky, crying, unhappy baby and your guilt feelings over violating a "rule" you made when your dd didn't need a pacifier or other sucking - seems to me the choice is easy. But then, I tend to be pragmatic and goal oriented. (So do you most of the time, I've noticed.)

By Semperspencer on Monday, August 25, 2003 - 10:50 am:

My first ds used a pacifier, but he gave it up on his own at around 6 mos.

My second ds was a thumb sucker. He still occasionally sucks his thumb, mainly to get himself to sleep or when he is being shy. (He is 22 mos.)

I would go with what ds wants. If it becomes a problem later, deal with it then.

By Kay on Monday, August 25, 2003 - 11:22 am:

My oldest ds had a pacifier - when he was a year old, it 'disappeared'.

My middle dd didn't want the pacifier - she used her index finger (little difficult to make that one 'disappear', so we tried the bad-tasting stuff, etc.) She got over it.

My youngest dd had a 'biper'...from the time we brought her home from the hospital, she would grab the cloth diaper that we had slung over our shoulders and put it into her mouth. Then, she carried one around - she didn't have one special one...when one got too wet, she would go and get a dry one. That one finally went away.

By Eve on Monday, August 25, 2003 - 11:25 am:

Oh, I tried for my DD to take a pacifier, but no luck. She was a comfort nurser too! Drove me insane! LOL! I say if it is working for your family, then by all means use it!

By Tonya on Monday, August 25, 2003 - 11:25 am:

Timmy had one until he was 9-10 months old he grew out of it. If that is what DS wants then give it to him. They were invented for a reason so why not take advantage of that reason and go for it.

By Debbie on Monday, August 25, 2003 - 11:31 am:

My oldest ds loved his pacifier. It seemed like he had it in his mouth 24/7. I was really worried that it would be difficult for him to give it up. It wasn't!!! When he turned 2, we had a big boy party and threw them all away. He missed it for a few days, but no big deal. My youngest never wanted a pacifier until he was around 6 months old. He had lots of ear infections and it seemed to sooth him when he would get them. He also gave it up around 2 with no problems. I say go with whatever works. I too said I would never use a pacifier, but ds #1 was just like you ds. I was so sore from all the sucking. The pacifier worked just as well, so I used it.

By Dana on Monday, August 25, 2003 - 12:11 pm:

We did not use a pacifier w/ DD. She didn't want it. I was glad of that.

However, there are many kids that really need that sucking thing going on. There is nothing wrong with it, and if it keeps your baby happy, then I wouldn't spend much time worrying over it.

Just like everything else, it won't last forever. It may feel that way when you try to wean from the paci, but it happens. I would just go with the flow.

By Kaye on Monday, August 25, 2003 - 12:20 pm:

of my three kids the oldest two took pacis for a couple of years, loved them! My daughter really sucked on her fingers, so we started the paci, because I would much rather something I can control. My youngest was a comfort nurser too, he never loved the paci, but it did the trick. At 6 months he gave it up...it was okay. Well fast forward to age 2 he started mouthing everything, and still at age 5. What an oral kid he is. If it weren't socially unacceptable I would give that kid a paci now! I mean really he sucks on his shirts, his fingers, his toys. It is gross and he tears things up. So the point of this, is some kids really need that oral stimulation, whether they have a paci or not, they will get it. So you have to decide IF he is that type of child, what is okay in your mind for him to use. If you want him to use his fingers, take the paci away and help him find them, you can have him use a blanket (probably not quite this young). I only breast fed one of my children and I have to add that the biggest difference in breast feeding and bottle feeding is comforting your child. With bottle feeding you just know you don't feed that kid 2 big bottles close together. With breast feeding you worry about how much they drink and comforting becomes boob time.

By Dawnk777 on Monday, August 25, 2003 - 12:26 pm:

Neither of my kids liked pacifiers. Older dd sucked on middle two fingers of right hand. She stopped about 2-1/2. Other dd was a thumb-sucker and although she doesn't ever do it in public anymore, she is still a closet TS. Drives me nuts.

By Tunnia on Monday, August 25, 2003 - 12:44 pm:

Don't beat yourself up. I was one of those "not my kid" people when it came to pacifiers. My dd never did take one and never seemed to miss it, but ds was another story. I lived through the first month and a half being his living pacifier until I was so sleep deprived and sore that I would cry. He got to the point that he wouldn't sleep for more than a half an hour at a time (day or night) without me nursing him. He didn't want to eat, he just wanted to suck so one night in desparation I broke down and gave him the pacifier that came in a package of stuff they gave me at the hospital. It worked like a charm. I tried to never let him have the pacifier unless he was in bed or ill or just really cranky. He was very attached to it and I finally managed to wean him from it at 2 1/2. So now I'm not so anti-pacifier because I finally realized that my ds really did need a little extra sucking time and I wasn't a bad parent for letting him have the pacifier, but if I had it to do over again the only thing I'd change is to take it away by the time he was one.

By Conni on Monday, August 25, 2003 - 01:43 pm:

My motto when I was getting no sleep was, 'Whatever works'. Actually thats still my motto. Sometimes dh doesnt like my motto. But hey- he's not doing my job everyday.

I think pacifiers are absolutely adorable and I wish my kids would have taken them longer.

By Truestori on Monday, August 25, 2003 - 02:06 pm:

OMG...Seth..I missed the fact that your wife had a boy..Congratualations(better late then never!)LOL

As for the pacifier, I would say use it. My daughter would take one and my son refused, and boy there were those car drives where I just wished I could put the PLUG IN!! LOL

Go with the flow. I am sure your wife appreciates the fact that you are trying so hard to make the baby comfortable. Keep up the good work.

By Mommyathome on Monday, August 25, 2003 - 02:14 pm:

I agree...don't be too upset w/yourself over this. DH and I are not pacifier people. I think they look silly when the baby's get bigger. (like over 6 months) And then it's a hard habit to break. But, obviously they aren't "bad" for babies or there would be warnings from your DR., hospital etc.
It's really a personal choice, what is best for your baby, so don't be so hard on yourself

BTW...just a sidenote...one of my pet peeves is to see little kids (age 3-4+)walking around the store with pacifiers hanging out of their mouth. IMO, unless there is a medical problem, pacifiers should go out with the bottle. And, I think that is at about age 1.

By Karen55 on Monday, August 25, 2003 - 02:14 pm:

You'll hear so many different theories both for and against pacifiers. My opinion was always to use them if it worked. I used them with both of mine, and I was a nursing mother, but with 4 kids in the house, it was hard to constantly be doing the *comfort sucking* thing. I say go with the pacifier. You can always just use it as a last resort if you're really opposed to using it, but it's purpose is to give the baby comfort so utilize it. Good luck.

By Bellajoe on Monday, August 25, 2003 - 03:28 pm:

I agree. Whatever works, if it relieves your dw and comforts your baby then go for it! i too, can't stand to see kids over a year old walking around with a binkie in their mouth. I think it is for newborns, not toddlers. My advice, if you do decide to give it to him, wean him from it at around 6-7 months. It will be easier to do it then, then when he is older. Good Luck!

By Familyman on Monday, August 25, 2003 - 09:19 pm:

Thanks for the support. That along with a good confirming phone conversation with my mom today and a absolutely wonderful day with DS (in comparison) has me convinced that I am doing the right thing. He only used it for maybe an hour total today, but it changed the afternoon from a 2 hour scream session to 20 minutes of sucking and 1:40 of napping. We're all much happier. Now the question is can we get a little relief at night with the same techinque. We'll see. More sleep would be really really nice.
Thanks, I appreciate all the replies.

By Bobbie on Monday, August 25, 2003 - 09:51 pm:

Sounds like you have a nice little cure. All four of my kids took one and I was very anti prior too. My sister used one with my niece and she was Like me NO WAY. But when the baby has had everything done but still wants to cry you do what ever it takes. And if it takes that then so be it. He won't be twenty with one hanging out of his mouth. And my children have no long lasting effects. Where as my nephew that sucked his thumb is 5 and still has it in his mouth every chance he can get. And his teeth are starting to bow from the pressure. Hope you get a good nights sleep and you have a much happier little man...

By Babysitbarb on Wednesday, August 27, 2003 - 11:08 pm:

Hello, I also was one of those anti-pacifier parents.Even told the nurse at the hospital that I didin't want my child to have one. When she was around 1 month old and I too was so tired and soa from her wanting to nurse all the time, I gave in and gave her one and my husband about had a fit.I broke her and our 2nd daughter at 6 months each and that was the end of them. I also get so ticked at the parents who allow their 2-4 year olds have a pacifier and say they just can't break them. It's because they can't stand to hear them whine. I as a daycare provider still only give the children whom I watch one only as the last resort.They are a life saver for a parent but, they also can be a pain long after they really need them.

By Beth on Thursday, August 28, 2003 - 01:05 am:

I would just like to add that I think its how you use the pacifier that matters. My ds liked one. But from the time he was born he only got it at nap time. I never let him "play" with it in his mouth. He learned to use it only when he really needed it. I think if you use it properly its great. The problem to me is when you see 2 year olds talking around them are walking through the store with it in there mouth. My dd didn't even like them. They are for some kids and not for others. You will continue to thank yourself! Good Luck!

By Jtw on Thursday, August 28, 2003 - 01:12 am:

I say at that age just give it to them! Sometimes breaking a little rule is so worth it to get some rest. Both of my kids used them for the first few months. DS gave up on his at around six months. DD had to have hers all the time when she slept. If she lost it she would wake up screaming. One night I got so sick of going in there and sticking it back in her mouth that I took it away and she hasn't had it since. If you take it away when they are still pretty young they forget about it pretty quickly. They just find other ways to comfort themselves. I say if he needs it then it is okay. The sucking urge doesn't last forever.

By Trina on Thursday, August 28, 2003 - 06:51 am:

Just adding to everything already said... If it works, go for it! Be happy that he takes the pacifier. My DD was a comfort sucker but NEVER took a paci or bottle. Argh! I'm so glad those days are over.

By Brandy on Thursday, August 28, 2003 - 09:53 am:

I agree with the others if it makes him happy give it to him you and everyone else will be happier in the long run...

By Merno on Thursday, August 28, 2003 - 09:57 pm:

I would like to add that it only drives me crazy when I see a parent shoving the pacifier in a kids mouth when the kid is perfectly content! Why sould someone do that? That being said my Ds used a pacifier and I thank God that he did! He fell asleep easier and comforted him when he was sick. For the most part we had him weaned from daytime use by 8 months or so and by 12 months we had weaned him him from night time use. The only reason we let it go that long was to get through a long car rides for our vacation.
Do what you gotta do....some babies just need to suck to comfort themselves and it is better the pacifier than the breast.

By Juli4 on Friday, August 29, 2003 - 11:57 am:

I always let my daughters use a pacifier for the first 3 or 4 months. I took it away from the last one at 3 months and she didn't relaly mind. She hadn't gotten an opinion about them yet. I got tired of losing them all the time and then panicking and trying to find one and so on. Plus my two year old starting wanting one. She never took one at all and so I let her becuase we just had the baby and she was adjusting. I just didn't make a big deal about it and when the baby gave it up so did she. Don't feel bad. It is worth the sleep.

It does get on my nerves when you have little kids who always have one in so they don't want to talk or anything.