I have two 11 year old girls one has started and the other has not can any one help me?
Moms View Message Board: Parenting Discussion: Archive July-December 2003:
I have two 11 year old girls one has started and the other has not can any one help me?
Hi my name is Kimberly Like I said I have two 11 year old girls and two 9 year olds one boy and one girl. None of the other kids understand what the oldest is going through how can we help them and how can I help Brianna cope with her change?
Justen my boy kind of understands and their dad said we will use the pass word girls stuff, but i do not feel as if Kitt the other 11 year old and brandi the other 9 year old understand exactly what is going on with their sister. They are both scared of her now. Can some one please help me?
WELCOME, Kimberly! Glad you found us. Hope to see you posting often. 
I was 11 when I started my period, and remember how it felt when my whole family knew. My little sister didn't understand either. LOL! There are good books out now, and I recommend reading them with Brianna and your other daughters. They're at the age to prep for this because their turns are coming, too! Possibly not for a few years yet, but they will be surrounded by friends at school going through this as well.
I've heard good things about these books. I'm sure there are reviews at amazon.com.
The Care & Keeping of You: The Body Book for Girls
by Valorie Lee Schaefer
What's Happening to My Body? Book for Girls : A Growing Up Guide for Parents and Daughters
by Lynda Madaras
Perhaps have the boys read these books at well, depending of course on their maturity level and if you think they can handle it. They must have books for boys, too?? At the very least, they need to learn to be respectful and considerate of Brianna's feelings, as well as their female friends and classmates, etc.. This is the perfect opportunity to set them straight, so to speak, before they start chatting with all their school buddies and not necessarily getting all the correct information. Birds and the bees, etc..
Welcome Kimberly!
I hope your DH realizes that this is just part of growing up, there is nothing you can do to stop it. If you haven't done so already, you really need to discuss this with all of your girls. They all need to be prepared, but most importantly they need to be educated about this. Starting your periods is certainly nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed of, and is a perfectly natural part of your body maturing and changing from *little girl* to *woman*, although at age 11, she's definitely not a woman yet.
Education and knowledge about this is most important for pre-teens and teens, including sex education. Your girls should know what changes their bodies will go through and how it will affect them. They should also know that it's nothing to be afraid of. Please talk to all of them about this, and to your DH too if necessary! Get books as Trina recommended if you can.
Good luck!
Growing Up
It's a Girl Thing: Straight Talk About First Bras, First Periods, and Your Changing Body (It's a Girl Thing)
by Mavis Jukes, Debbie Tilley (Illustrator)
was the book I bought. It talks about all the facts of growing up in a light conversational tone filled with stories from her own childhood. My older daughter started her period when she was 11, too. I think I gave the book to my now 11 yo when she was about 10 or so. We have talked about it briefly. She is starting to go through some of the changes, but I don't think she is going to be starting her period anytime soon.
Welcome Kimberly...
I am going to face the same problem down the line, with boy/girl twins, and I am pretty sure there is no easy answer. I got my period at 11, shortly after my mom remarried. It never seemed like a big deal because my mom had always been frank about it. This is how our bodies develop, and it is nothing to be scared of. I would say take the daughter who has started out alone, and talk with her very honestly about what is going on. I'm sure she knows some information from health class, at least we learned starting in 3rd grade, but talking one on one with you may help. As far as the other kids, I think you should sit the girls down, and talk together, and you DH should talk to the boy. The reason I think it should be separate is a lot of preteens and teens are uncomfortable talking about puberty with the opposite sex around. Getting some books is not a bad idea at all, and make sure they all understand that they can talk to you about anything that is going on. I don't mean to sound harsh, but you and DH need to talk about this, because he sounds like he is being immature, and if the kids pick up on his discomfort, they will be uncomfortable too. My stepdad had no kids, and was thrown into the mix when I was in early puberty. He may not have WANTED to talk about these things, but he never seemed uncomfortable, either. That would have made things a lot harder to deal with. I hope everything works out, and that you post often. Glad to have you with us!
thank you for all of your help.I woke up lastnight at 3o'clock a.m. and woke up my husband and I asked him very nicly if he would talk with us about the changes in the family as he is very much a part of this as we are. He said yes that he would he just thought it would not be for a nother year or two he was hoping any way. We are goiung to go and get a couple of those books tomarrow. Thank you and I will post as much as I can. Thank you so much. Keep writing please!
my daughter read this post and she said to have the kids read its me god margaret ....she said it will explain everything in terms they understand .... good luck to ur family
does she know who wrote this book? God It's me Margret.
Kimberly, I believe it's a chapter book by Judy Blume. Here's a link to it at amazon.com.
Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret
by Judy Blume
I bought my dd the two that Trina recommended. I really like The Care and Keeping of you.
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/1562476661/ref=pd_sim_books_4/002-5710686-5260819?v=glance&s=books
Awesome book. I remember reading this book about that time in my life and it really is helpful! And it is a good book too.
yes sorry for mixin up the title thank you trina for correctin it ... it is an awesome book ... judy blume has written many good books
I really can't offer any more advice that what has already been given except be sure to talk about it. I remember when I got my period my mom just handed me the book to read and then we talked briefly. Bodies, sex, etc was not really something we talked about much. It would have been good to though as it might have saved me some embarassing moments later in Bio class.
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