What do you think?
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My kids aren't involved in any activites really. My son likes going to the y after school and we've tried baseball, but sports don't seem to be his thing. He wants to do spring soccer again like he did a coupole years ago and wrestling when he's big enough.
What concerns me is my dd, 7. She doesn't want to do anything. I don't want to be one of those pushy parents, but is it normal for her not to want to be involved in anything? She doesn't even like birthday parties and wants hers to be just family. She has friends,one best friend who is having a halloween party and she doesn't want to go. She has to go to the y a couple days a week that I have school and she cries about going. Once she gets there she is fine and has fun. The same thing with her best friends birthday. She threw a fit about going, but then she had a great time. Her cousins that she gets along great with are begging her to come to beginner's gymnastics with them. Dd has some natural balance and flexibility and is always flipping around. I'd just like her to give it a try. She cries and clings to me at public events and it has been embarrassing. Should I make her or just drop it until she's ready? What's weird is she isn't exactly shy. it is more like she likes to keep her school world and home world separate.
Rayelle, would you describe your dd as an introvert? Perhaps she needs a lot of alone time to recharge. I can relate so well to her feelings about parties, even as an adult. What should be a fun event can often be so uncomfortable to someone who is an introvert. I am not one to push my dd into anything. I offer suggestions and let her know what opportunities are out there if she's interested, but I don't push her to participate if it's too uncomfortable. I want my dd, who is a lot like me, to know it's okay to be an introvert and prefer quiet time and home time to being involved in a lot of outside activities. I'm hoping if she accepts this trait in herself she will become more confident and pursue those things that truly interest her.
I sort of wonder if today's parents feel they must have their children involved in several activities outside of school in order for our children to become well adjusted and confident. I think some of it is fine, but I tend to think it gets to be too much, especially if a child is introverted and needs that valuable time at home for quiet.(JMHO) I have discovered in myself I must have that quiet, alone time in order to face the world again, and do my best and feel at ease in social situations.
I understand what you're saying Nicki. What concerns me is whether or not she is exposed to enough. I think it's fine to be introverted, or to prefer to be alone. I just want it to be that way because that is the way she wants and not that I didn't get her to try things, especially things she likes when there. I would never be one to make my kids do something to live out my dreams or anything. ((sigh))) I guess I do feel like we're weird that the kids aren't in anything. I don't know. Maybe I have a homebody. 
I know what you mean about feeling odd that your dks aren't in to anything. My younger brother just wrote me and told me all the things his two children (5and7) are doing. I was shocked! We have Lara going to two days of preschool right now, a total of five hours a week. That's it! I started to have those second thoughts, too. Should we have her in gymnastics, dance, etc. Yet, I look at Lara and she's happy. I really think so. We have tried to have a bit more of a full schedule, and while she enjoys herself on one level, she gets overly stressed and overstimulated. So, in a way she pays for it later. We found she does better if we space things out a bit.:-)
I didn't mean to imply you might be encouraging your dd in an effort to live out your dreams, and I apologize. I guess I think about this a lot and I'm thinking out loud and trying to work through this myself.
Have you talked to your dd about her feelings? I just wondered what insight she might have given you. Lara and I talk about her discomfort at parties. The last one she attended, we spent the first 20 minutes in her cousin's bathroom! She wanted to go, but the minute we walked in she was overcome and wanted to go home. So we sat in the bathroom and I fessed up to her I was nervous, too. I didn't know any of the parents, so the thought of going home sounded pretty darn good, lol. But we talked and she cried, then she did pretty well at the party. I too want Lara to be exposed to different things and not afraid to try. So I hear your concern. It will be interesting to hear what the other wise moms have to offer.:-)
What about something that is more one on one like piano lessons or private language lessons (like learning Spanish or French) or art classes. Things that are kind of quiet, reserved, expressive, where she can think and do her own thing. Or a pottery class. Things where she doesn't have to compete or do what everybody else is doing. Just some ideas.
My youngest ds was very introverted. The older 2 were total extroverts. We didn't push him but we were always on the lookout for something fun and interesting for him. Never forced him, but I wanted him to broaden his horizons just a little beyond his video game.
Emily is more of a loaner. She has friends at school, but they pretty much stay at school. She wasn't big on birthday parties and one time I had to get her early to take her home.
Neither one of mine was into sports, but both do like music and both are in band. Emily had no trouble going to horse camp for a week, the past three years, by herself.
She also took a horse-drawing class, at the local arts center, which she really enjoyed.
Now, she has her knitting, and we go to "knit-nights" at the local yarn store, which she loves. All of a sudden my introverted child is holding her own, discussing her latest projects with one of the other women. Sometimes I wonder where this outgoing child came from! Yack yack yack! LOL! I've seen her go on and on and on, without any prodding from me!
It's hard...Connor can be the same way. He can swim like a fish with me (6 feet long and all under the water with goggles, etc.) But, I tried swim lessons with a group of kids and he wouldn't even *touch* the water. After 2 sessions of him crying, I had to step back and relax/change my expectations and get my money back. He was the same way with gymnastics. It was hard to swallow his personality because I am a definite extrovert who joins every group imaginable, but we have to change our approach because they are who they are, you know?
Connor excels in school and plays with all different sorts of kids during play time, but it took him 2 weeks to join in "circle time". He kept watching from afar and said "No thank you". Now, it seems he such a rock star and they all welcome him when he arrives at school. He takes pride in sitting "criss cross applesauce and put your hand in your lap" and ever practices it at home with a smile.
Sometimes he just needs to watch the other kids and take it all in.
For birthday parties, I usually ask if we can show up 15 minutes early so there isn't a lot of commotion at first. He warms up so much faster when things are simple.
Imamommyx4 has some great ideas there...you're doing the best you can with her and just keep exposing her to things. Maybe give her a choice of activities and offer things with small and large groups.
It is hard when their personalities and our don't mesh. My two are extroverts! Highly charged, very social, extroverts.
I just want to sit with a book and read. LOL.
For me, I've found that they have forced me into doing a lot of things that I didn't enjoy - parties where I knew no one and would have to make small talk, run around sports activites, etc.
I have adapted to their personalities and I think it's enriched my life.
Now, for your daughter, you say that once she's involved in the activity she's fine. She seems to have anxiety leading up to the activity. She also has anxiety in public places and clings to you.
Maybe, if she were already with her cousins for an hour or so before the class and they went together (in other words the cousin's mom should take them) she would have warmed up to the idea.
If you are not there for her to cling to and to take her home, maybe she'll just get into the spirit of it and enjoy it?
I guess the long and short of it is that maybe you should try and nudge her into doing it.
Ame
Thanks. She says she wants to play golf. I don't think we have any golf programs for kids here, but I've never had reason to look. She does have some separation issues, even though they are very short lived. I can see the front door to school from my house, so I watch her walk in everyday. If something happens that I need to go in for a minute, she cries and doesn't want me to leave. She also did this on grandparents day, she cried the who time they were there.
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