Just need advice...
Moms View Message Board: Parenting Discussion: Archive July-December 2003:
Just need advice...
Okay, two years ago when I had my ds I wanted to be the perfect mother. That is not so easy, I am finding out. I feel that I am a very good mother especially when I meet other mothers my age (24) who just don't seem to be as bonkers about their child as I am of mine. There are some things that I feel I lack though. This may sound strange but for instance, my dh would die without the television set, it is on ALL the time and I just feel like this is wrong for my ds to witness. I DON'T want him watching things that are inappropriate even though he may be too young to understand them. For some odd reason the T.V being on his a hard habit to break. In the morning my ds likes to relax and watch some programs on the Disney channel, but they keep going and going and going. Any advice on this subject would help. Other things: It is a long day with a 2 year old. What do I do all day. I really really try and do activities with him, but I run out of ideas. He loves to be outside, but right now the weather is terrible. I just want the best for my ds. He is my first and probably my last so I really want him to be a respectful, cultured, intelligent person. Lately, I have even been thinking of moving to maybe a bigger more "child friendly" place. Of course this would have to be discussed greatly with my dh. Oh well, hope I didn't bore anyone. I would appreciate any feedback!
How about looking for a playgroup?
And, seems to me your ds needs to begin learning how to amuse himself with the toys he certainly already has. As for the TV, I agree that it is not a good idea for him to be watching it a lot. My concern with TV, both when I was raising children and now, is that even if the programs are totally acceptable, it is a very passive form of entertainment, requiring no action or interaction on the part of the watcher, and I just don't think this is good for a child.
I suggest that you start weaning him from the TV, and that this will almost certainly bring tears and possibly tantrums - which is when you have to be the grownup. Being the grownup when you are a parent means putting up with tears and tantrums if you believe that what you are doing is in the best interests of your child's wellbeing. I don't say it is easy, just that it has to be done. You wouldn't let him eat nothing but candy all day, so think of it as not letting him have mind-candy. Offer substitutes, of course, and try to coax him into finding the substitutes interesting, but the bottom line is you want to cut back on his TV viewing. Try putting on CDs with children's music while you are coaxing him into new activities.
Yes, it is a long day with a pre-school child, especially when they start not napping a lot - I do remember. Which is why I suggest a play group, or try a nursery school (do they still call them nursery schools?) a couple of days a week. The bulletin board at your local library may have listings for playgroups, or if you are willing to take on the responsibility for starting a play group you could post something at the library. If you want to explore that, there are mothers here who have started and run or are involved in playgroups who could give lots of useful advice. Unless yours is a town with no or very few children (or you live on a farm), you ought to be able to find mothers of other two year olds who are in the same boat and would welcome opportunities for their children to play with others.
Ditto what Ginny said.  Most libraries have story hours for little ones, and many big book stores (such as Borders) do as well, all for free. Hook up with other moms with toddlers and form playgroups. Pack up the stroller and go to the mall. Stop for an icecream, visit the pet store, etc..
These organizations have local chapters across the country. I've been involved with PAT and Mothers and More in the past, and they were GREAT!
PAT (Parents as Teachers) - Free playgroups and developmental screenings, parent educators, home visits, etc.
http://www.patnc.org/
Mothers and More
http://www.mothersandmore.org/
MOPS
http://www.gospelcom.net/mops/
Anon, I know how you feel! I have a 21 month old and a 4 year old. It's so hot here in TX, plus I'm 7 months pregnant, so that makes it really difficult to bring the kids to the playground, out to swim, etc for long periods of time. Everyday I spend time here and there reading stories to them, playing whatever they want, etc. But I still feel like I'm shorting them in some way. My 4 year old goes to preschool 3 hours a day, but is now out for the summer. So, we are often bored during the day, and I'm always racking my brain trying to think up something fun and new to do with them.
I'm lucky because my kids don't really care for TV too much. I would definitely wean your child off of watching to much TV, even if that means you have to unplug the TV and pretend it's broken...LOL
I am going to look into playgroups as they suggested above. Thanks, Trina, for the links. Every program you listed above has something in my area. I will be contacting all three groups! You may have saved our summer, Trina! Thanks!!!!
You sound like a great mom Anon! Otherwise you wouldn't care so much. It is hard to wean the kids off of TV. I made up guidelines as to when and how much my Ds can watch TV/videos. It is harder to stand by these now that he makes it clear that he wants to watch something (and can put the tape in the VCR. Anyway first try to figure out how much TV is acceptable (I would recommend figuring out when to watch also).
Although is will be difficult, it will help in the long run to teach him how to self-entertain without TV. My Ds will sit and flip through picture books for 1/2 hour at a time, you may want to try and leave out a bunch of books for him to look through.
You may want to call the Chamber of Commerce to see if there are any toddler related activities in you area. You can try a local YMCA for swim or other activities they may offer toddlers. Usually there is a members fee and a non members fee for these ytpe activities. We have some local County parks that have indoor playgrounds which are free or only $1.00. Anyway, try to talk to moms in your area. I never knew all the stuff available for kids in our area until we had Ds, and I'm still learning!
Thank you for the compliment Merno, as well as the ideas from everyone else. I do a lot of the suggestions except for the day care. My ds is not in day care because right now there is no real reason for him to be. Soon though. I have been looking into playgroups for a long time but just haven't put him in one yet.
I think we all had visions of being the perfect mother when our babies were born. And then reality set in!
I was a SAHM for the first 2 years of my son's life and I hear ya on coming up with ideas of activities. My only suggestions are swimming (indoor and outdoor pools), stroller walks through the malls, McDonald's play areas, and kid gyms (I was sorry to see Discovery Zone close, we lived there!). Usually there are other moms or nannies there with little ones you can sit and chat with.
My son was not interested in these story time deals at the bookstores and libraries. We tried twice and he was too young and uninterested.
I think you are right to be concerned that the TV is on all the time, especially when DH watches more adult programming. The language and sex that is on these days during prime time is shocking! At 7pm even!
I eventually decided to go back to work and put my son is daycare when he was 2. We were both bored. That ended TV watching for him and he liked hanging with the other kids.
We have had the TV issue in our house as well. I am always telling my DH "turn that off, it's not appropriate for the kids". It seems like I say that at least twice a day. I would think he would learn by now...but nope.
My DK's like to watch TV too. Usually when I think they've had enough, I just turn it off and we find something else to do.
Playgroups sound like a fun idea for entertainment. Maybe hook up with another mom in your neighborhood that has a small child and hang out with them sometimes.
Sounds like you're doing everything you can for you son. I agree, you sound like a good mom to me too!
You know, I used to worry about tv, but I just don't anymore. Somedays, I just don't even turn it on! If you act like it's normal and just continue on about your day, they won't really notice. If Syd asks me and it's a no tv day, I just say "no, sorry baby, maybe we should read." or "Maybe we could color!" She will happily play with her toys or I'll grab a book and she'll copy me and pick up her own book. She will play with her toys really well on her own. I don't feel like I have to "entertain" her all the time. We read together and do things together, but I let her play on her own too!
It sounds like you are doing a great job in searching things out! Just remember kids learn what they see! So, do the things you are interested in and he will follow suit!
Just wanted to add, even though I have had days with no tv, I have also plopped her in front of the tv ALL day because I was too sick or just needed a break. So, do what works for you!
Thanks for all of the advice. I don't feel so alone is my quest to be super mommy!
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