Firs I'll start off by introducing myself, my name is Nina and I have been a member here for a long time, I've just not had the time to write much because I've moved, and had my 3rd baby!! I have two girls(almost 6 and 3) and now a baby boy who was born April 22, two weeks early via c-section. He weighd 9lbs 4oz. And his name is Aaron David.

Anway, back to my questions. My first two babies I nursed exclusively never bottle fed, one for 13 months and the other to 19 months, she just wouldn't stop! Anyway, this baby was never satisfied with just my nursing so I thought that since I had a c-section and got my tubs tied I'd give myself a little break and let him have some formula. Well, everything was working out great, I would nurse first and then give him a bottle, but now (at two months) he has been refusing the breast and exclusively wants the bottle. My doctor said, just stop nursing then. He is a complete advocate for breastfeeding, but he's known me now for awhile and knows I've given it my best and probably thinks I have a lot on my hands with three young ones.

But I guess the problem is I FEEL SOOOOOO GUILTY over this! I actually kind of like bottle feeding, it seems to pretty easy so far. And I like the fact that I can leave and not worry. I know I could pump, but I just never did before. Well, I did a little with my first and it hurt sooo bad and I never was really able to get much milk that way. I just feel that if I'm going to bottle-feed then it will be formula. Has anyone else ever gone thru this guilt before?

And for those moms who do give formula, how long did you nurse if you did at all. and do you feel any guilt over this?

Well, he's crying.... I hope this has made some sense!

Thanks,

Nina

By Truestori on Wednesday, June 25, 2003 - 07:16 pm:

I say go for what makes the baby happy! both of my children were content with the breast so that is was what I opted to do! Honestly, I wouldn't feel guilty. How many grown men ever ask their mom if they were breast or bottle fed??? LOL

Goodluck..

By Kate on Wednesday, June 25, 2003 - 09:12 pm:

Here's my story. I breastfed my first daughter for 5 1/2 months, and it was going great...I was home full time, she was my only child, there was no reason to stop! But, she got bored with nothing to look at, so she began turning away to look around and then coming back to drink, and it got to be a bit annoying and I figured she would rather drink from a bottle and be held in such a position that she was free to drink AND look around. So I weaned her. Then I breastfed my second daughter for 21 months. And then I felt VERY guilty about having given up on my first daughter so quickly and for no good reason. If I could breastfeed the second one for almost two years, with having to still take care of my first daughter, (and I was driving her to and from Kindergarten at the time, too) then I felt I should have been able to overcome a little bit of my first baby's boredom.

However, I have to admit that my first daughter did just fine and it's ME who has the guilt problem! I did what I thought was making her happy, and it was! I just started feeling I'd let her down and not treated her the same as her sister. So, I guess my advice is to do what baby wants as long as YOU are okay with it! If you're liking formula and the freedom it gives you, and he's liking it, too, then maybe that's the way to go. But if you're having doubts, which you obviously are, I would advise nursing some more. I truly wish I hadn't stopped so soon with my first baby and I still feel bad about it. Maybe you could experiment by taking the bottle away entirely and seeing if he gets back into nursing? Then if he doesn't, you can at least know you tried and hopefully the guilt will go away.

Moms always have guilt. Even if we let go of one guilt, we have plenty more stored up on other issues! Good luck!

By Ginnyk on Wednesday, June 25, 2003 - 10:42 pm:

As Kate says, guilt is a natural condition for mothers. I think it comes tied onto the baby.

But, try to shed it, or at least specific guilt for a specific not very good reason, as quickly as you can.

Your doctor, who knows you and who is supportive of breast-feeding, says go with the bottle. You would rather go with the bottle. The baby says go with the bottle. I don't see the problem, except for the guilt, and I've already said how I feel about that.

For what it's worth, I nursed the first two until weaning at about 7-8 months. The third was 6 weeks early so I went home before he did, pumped and carried milk to the hospital every day, did all the right things. Took him in 2 weeks after he was discharged, he was very, very, very fussy, not eating well, lots of colic. Turns out he was allergic to all milk, including mine, and had to go on a soy formula. Did I feel guilty - no. I was a bit upset, and even felt a bit rejected for a few days. But he thrived on the soy stuff, and was able to go to regular milk eventually.

Let go of the guilt (at least this guilt), use the bottle, and relax. Another guilt trip is right around the corner.

By Lauram on Thursday, June 26, 2003 - 08:34 am:

I think the answer is go with your gut. I had two very different scenarios. My first ds was hospitalized for dehydration and jaundice (severe pathological) at 4 days old, then stayed for 4 days and was rehospitalized for the same problem 1 1/2 days later for 4 more days for dehydration, jaundice and a staph infection. THey actually thought he would be mentally retarded because of the possibility of brain damage. He's not, but a chemical change most likely happened in his brain at that time. He currently has LOTS of issues (age 6). He has Tourette's, ADD and Sensory INtegration disorder. He also probably has OCD, though that hasn't been diagnosed yet. NOt all of that is related to the birth, but I believe a lot of it is. I said to the dr when he was rehospitalized for the second time, I think I should stop breastfeeding. He said, "THank god, because I didn't know how to tell you that!" Once I started bottle feeding, he was FINE (except for the issues that showed up at 3 1/2 of course). My second son was a premie. Even though my fist son's issues were freaky, he also had them (severe pathological jaundice). They figured out it was a genetic problem at that point. Luckily we caught it earlier (at 3 days) so he didn't get dehydrated. I had severe difficulties breastfeeding though. Knowing what had happened to my other son, I was really scared. The difference was I had a LOT of support. THe hospital bf consultants contacted me and met with me daily (sometimes more than that). I took lots of vitamin supplements (fenugreek, mm capsules and mm tea) at their suggestion. I also had to siphon the formula so he would learn to suck. I also pumped every three hours to get things rolling. I did this for 4 weeks. It was one of the most difficult things I ever did, BUT I was so happy I did it. Once we got rolling, I found bf SO much easier! (You get more sleep!) I could never have done it without the support though. Basically, as I said, go with your gut. If you really want to do it, find a consultant who can really help. If it's not for you, then stick with the formula (and forget that pumping thing- if you're having trouble as is, I highly doubt that will work for you. I had to stop when I went back to work because I would only get 1/2 ounce in 9 hours. I was so frustrating!) Oh- also both kids were lactose intollerant- which is another story, but did effect breastfeeding (my diet).

By Nina on Thursday, June 26, 2003 - 02:13 pm:

Thanks ladies for your responses. And Ginny you're right, I really need to let the guilt go and just enjoy my time with my young ones.

Have a great day!

Nina

By Bobbie on Thursday, June 26, 2003 - 11:03 pm:

I think each child is diffrent and each situation is diffrent. And I agree Guilt comes with the package you bring home with the baby. I breast fed all four of my children. Oldest for 6 months. I stopped breast feeding her because I felt it was time for the both of us. She too was more interested in the activities in the room than feeding and I just felt it was time for a little independance on both of our parts. Then my son I quit breast feeding at 4 months and that was because I could not feed him enough or often enough. He was constantly wanting fed and I got to the point where I felt like I was his pacifier more than his food source. So on the bottle he went. Then with the twins. I breast fed them for 3 and a half months. Which we discoverd at about 2 months that they had Milk allergies. So I cut out all dairy and it helped but if I slipped just a bit they would have issues. So I decided that they would do so much better on Soy than I was doing not eating any dairy. So on the bottle they went. I felt a little guilty with all four in the begining but I really now can say that I made the right choice. Because we were all a lot happier when the transition was complete.

And I agree about your son probable not wanting to know he was breast fed. LOL It was a topic of discussion with my 11 year old son when my sister breastfed my niece. Needless to say my son got pretty grossed out at the idea and refuses to discuss it now that my brother in law wants to rib him about it. LOL I really don't think that breast feeding or not breast feeding your child will have a major effect on anything in the future.

By Dawnk777 on Friday, June 27, 2003 - 12:37 am:

Well, worked full-time with my 13yo. Pumped at work (what I could get anyway.) They had a Medela electric pump set aside in the women's locker room. Lots of us used it. We all had our own tubing and so forth. A sheet on the door would tell you when someone would be done. I worked days and nights as a nurse. At 6 months, I seemed to have no more milk. At the daycare, they would feed her what bottles I could provide and finish her off with formula. I think with switching shifts every 2 weeks, it was hard for my body to figure out what to do.

With second daughter, I did the same thing, but by 6-7 months, I was also producing hardly any milk, so just gave up again to formula. I certainly wanted to nurse longer, but it just wasn't to be. I cried and cried about it with both kids, but I'm glad I could give them as much breastmilk as they got. With the second daughter, I was only working 4 days a week instead of 5, but was still switching shifts back and forth. I think if I had been able to be a stay-at-home-mom, it would have been better.

Two gals that I worked with (but worked straight pm shifts), seemed to have no trouble at all producing milk, but it didn't seem to be an endless supply for me.

So, both of my kids got breastmilk and formula and have done quite well up to this point.

By Brandy on Friday, June 27, 2003 - 11:59 am:

Neither one of my kids were breastfed i knew from the get go i wasn't breastfeeding either one of mine i figured alot of other babies were just fine with formula and mine would be too. They are two of the healthiest children i know and neither has had a drop of breastmilk. Do i feel guilty not at all.

By Nina on Friday, June 27, 2003 - 02:57 pm:

Thanks Brandy! I wasn't breastfed myself nor was my husband, and we're both pretty healthy, knock on wood!!

Nina

By Brandy on Friday, June 27, 2003 - 11:25 pm:

After i typed my post i was thinking oh no they aren't going to like that one lol.But i'm glad to see you are open to all views..

By Bobbie on Friday, June 27, 2003 - 11:49 pm:

LOL Brandy. I wasn't breast fed and Rob wasn't either. I actually don't know of many adults in my life that were. So I think that goes to show that a bottle fed baby can thrive too.

By Ginnyk on Saturday, June 28, 2003 - 06:47 pm:

Brandy & Bobbie (and others) - I think this is another one of those personal decisions that each mother makes for her own reasons. I, for one, would not dream of criticizing any mother who doesn't breast feed, whether by choice or necessity.