In about one hour my youngest son (age 34), aided by his brothers, moves back in. I think it will work out well, but have all sorts of anxieties, etc. (plus having to clear out the second floor rooms, which have been a dumping off place for five years).

He's moving back for economic and other reasons, and would really rather not do this, but it was his idea, so he is struggling to be graceful. We get along fine generally, so I do think it will work out - I'm repeating myself, which is a sign of anxiety.

I'll let you all know how the weekend goes when I have time.

By Jewlz on Saturday, May 24, 2003 - 01:00 pm:

hugggz ginny ... i know this will not be easy for the two of u ... i think its nice he is able to come to mom and get her support no matter what age ... kids are always our kids ... with him as an adult ... it will be nice that u dont have to be a 100% parent when he is around now ... were here for ya and i hope this works well for the two of ya !!!

By Semperspencer on Saturday, May 24, 2003 - 01:14 pm:

For a child (grown or not) to have family to turn to in rough times, this is the greatest gift a person can have. He is lucky to have you, and you are a guardian angel to accept him and help him when he needs you.

Good Luck to you both. And I have tons of respect for you to offer yourself and your home to your son.

By Karen55 on Saturday, May 24, 2003 - 04:02 pm:

Ginny, hopefully you and he will get to know each other in a different way. I know that with Jules, at 31, the rare occasions that she stays overnight here have really let us know each other better and have brought us closer. She moved back in with me for a few months when she was 25, and the reasons were *financial and other*, and with the exception of her not picking up after herself like I thought she should, it was a wonderful time for me.

By Mommyathome on Tuesday, May 27, 2003 - 04:55 pm:

That is very generous of you Ginny I know some parents that wouldn't take their kids back into their homes. I hope that my DK's always feel like they have a place in my home regardless of the situation.

By Dana on Wednesday, May 28, 2003 - 01:51 pm:

How are things? Did you get the room cleaned out?

One thing to keep in mind, make sure you don't turn back into the mom you were while raising him. In my late 20's I moved back into my moms house. Overnight we reverted back to the mother daughter life we had when I was a kid. She made sure I was awake on time, she'd pick up my stuff out of habit (and then I didn't have the chance to do it) it was just like being an irresponsible kid again. It even caused me to be irresponsible w/ paying bills on time. All the stuff I was accustomed to doing for myself and expected to do myself quickly disappeared...and that laziness seeped into my other adult responsibilities. It happened without mom or myself even realizing it was happening. Thankfully, I wised up and put an end to it. Luckily I was able to move out within the year.

By Ginnyk on Wednesday, May 28, 2003 - 02:29 pm:

So far, OK. Yes, Dana, I am very aware of that and don't want to do that. As he told me a couple of years ago, he knows I will always be his mother but it is time to stop being his mommy. No, I don't intend to pick up after him - I didn't when he was a teenager; nor do I intend to be a substitute alarm clock. He is, or is supposed to be a grown man, and I expect him to act like one. He will have to accomodate some of my idiosyncracies, and one that has come up loud and clear is that the car he just junked was a stick shift, mine is automatic, and I get *very* annoyed when he drives with one hand on the wheel and the other on the shift. Most of the time when we are in my car together I will be driving, but he is still on vacation and is driving me to the train every morning so he can have the car the rest of the day. And I told him once yesterday evening and twice this morning - two hands on the wheel!

I am pushing very hard to be (tactfully) honest - so if I don't like a meal he prepares, I will eat it and say "I'd rather not have this served again" - I am hoping he will be as honest (tactfully) in return but am not holding my breath on that.

He is getting his own phone line, so that will eliminate a possible cause of friction. The car is mine and he is free to ask to borrow it (and I am free to say no, I am using it at that time). He is added on my insurance at no cost to me.

The biggest problem that I forsee is him feeling safe in saying when he is annoyed or unhappy about something rather than holding it in and building up resentment. But tht has always been an issue for him.

Who knows - so far, so good, and I will take it one day at a time.

By Ginnyk on Monday, June 2, 2003 - 08:40 am:

Update after the first week - everything is going well. We sorted out money issues last night, and reached an agreement where he doesn't feel I am bending over backwards and mommying him too much and I don't feel he is bending over backwards and wanting to pay too much. So that is out of the way.

We talked a bit, and there is agreement we don't get in each other's hair or on each other's nerves, each is comfortable leaving the other alone or being company for each other at wish/will, no questions asked if one of us wants to not be chatty/company.

The animals are fine, though the dog is a bit spoiled (more than a bit spoiled). But, she is good natured and not pushy, so the fact that he often hand feeds her kibble by kibble to tempt her appetite is simply not my problem.

We are agreed that housework is not a priority for either of us, so we will have to work at scheduling the work and getting it done. He is doing most of the cooking (and cleaning up), and I am trying to share in those tasks. (He likes cooking and cares about food, I don't.)

So, I think it is going to work out pretty much OK. He is back to work today after two weeks off, so it will be interesting to see how things go when we are both working - he has a terrible boss and one of the reasons for moving in with me is to not be tied down with a lease if he finds a job in another area, and he is searching.

By Palmbchprincess on Tuesday, June 3, 2003 - 01:04 am:

I'm glad things are going well Ginny. I can't imagine how tough it must be. We moved in with my stepdad's parents when our house was being built. I can't imagine that from their point of view!! Your adult son, his 2nd wife,and her daughter living with you. I need to write them a thank you!! LOL WTG on making it work out for both of you!!