My 5 yr old plays "victim" all the time
Moms View Message Board: Parenting Discussion: Archive January-June 2003:
My 5 yr old plays "victim" all the time
When DD is playing with other children, rather than sticking up for herself, she chooses to play the victim. Crying that fake cry and blaming the other child for being mean, taking her whatever, saying something mean and so on.
I have taught her to be polite, not push, let her guest go first and not to talk back or say rude things. She is pretty good at following these rules, not always, but often. However when the other child (which is almost all children) is not acting that way she does, DD does not stand her ground and does not let the child know she will not put up with that type of attitude. Instead, she cries to mommy.
How do I teach her it is okay to be assertive and EXPECT others to treat her properly without being a mean kid herself.
DD is very small for her age and pretty young looking, esp with her speech (sounds, not language) being behind others her age.
I have watched her instigate a game only to have another child take over and become the leader in that game leaving DD out of the picture. It breaks my heart.
I watch her choose to walk away from a group of children rather than play with the children when "her friend" wants to play with a different child. She chooses to feel sorry for herself rather than find another playmate. She has been told "you can't play" and she let's them tell her.  She never stands up for her own rights.
What can I do to help? Oh, and she all the sudden starting to say stuff like "all the other kids will laugh at me." I have no idea when this has happened. Where does she get this from?
Thanks
Dana,
I really think it is the age. If you are there and witness this starting to happen I would just step in and say, Angel is having so much fun playing with you(or everyone)and she is feeling somewhat left out, you guys play so nice could you please include her. Then walk away and let the kids figure it out. My son is very passive and there are some days where I want to say SOCK'EM! LOL
I am a huge fan of Love and Logic parenting. One of the techniques that I use with my kids in situations like this is saying, "Oh that's sad! What are you going to do?" Transfer the problem back to the child so they can think. When she says, "I don't know" ask her, "Would you like to hear what some other kids have tried?" The trick here is to give her bad ideas first (kids always reject the first suggestion adults give anyway) and then ask her, "How would that work for you?" She'll either say "Bad because..." or "I don't know" to which you response is, "That's sad not to know."
For example, she comes to you crying because she was told she couldn't play with someone. You go through that whole beginning part and when you tell her what some other kids have tried start with things like, "Some kids run to their room and spend the whole day crying. How would that work for you?" And then say, "Some kids go to the friend who said they couldn't play and hit them really hard. How would that work for you?" And then say, "Some kids go back to the other kids and tell them they are going to play too. How would that work for you?" If you can't come up with a solution at all or if she rejects everything, that's okay! Simply say, "Gee honey, I am out of ideas. I sure hope it works out for you!" And that's it. The problem is now hers to solve.
This technique really gets kids thinking and taking responsibility for handling their own problems. It's worked wonders for us. HTH.
I agree with Melanie. I think role play is a wonderful tool, I use it a lot with Lexi. Lexi had this problem when she was about 2.5-3 and that is basically what we did, talked about the different choices she had and practiced what she could say. Now at 5 she is very assertive and will speak up, though we still have had some talks this year about a girl who was being a bit of a bully and after we discussed the girl's motivations and what Lexi could do she handled it great. What about inviting a younger girl to play one on one to help your dd get some confidence at being the leader?
Good ideas above....
Dana, just want to add a little something here. My mom was always big on manners and always had the *be sweet* attitude. I don't know if the 3 of us girls took the *be sweet* thing to mean *be sweet and never disagree with anyone or stand up for yourself*, but we ALL were that way at one time.
I think I was the worst, I totally let people walk all over me and make me feel badly and would NEVER stand up for myself, so I was determined that my kids were going to *be sweet* but also *be strong*. It took a while with Jen, but now she is so outspoken and stands up for herself so well, I sometimes wish she would just keep her mouth shut. LOL
Unfortunately I didn't have *Love and Logic Parenting* to help me out when all of mine were young, but I did do some things that were somewhat similar. I always asked my kids if the way they were treating someone was the way they would want someone else to treat them. And when they were being walked all over by someone else, I encouraged them to tell me how it felt, and also tell me why they were afraid to let the other kids know they felt that way. Different techniques work with different kids. The confidence and security to stand up for themselves doesn't come about overnight. Just as I'm sure in Melanie's examples above, it takes more than one time or situation to figure out the best way to deal with it.
The manners are important, but it's also important for your child to know how to stand up for herself. Try different things, talk to her, of different scenarios, and most importantly, let her know it's OKAY to disagree or tell someone how she feels.
The very limited thing I see at the park is this. I see this all the time....
Two kids come to the park for a play date. Since they are young - one of the kids starts playing "tag" with another kid. The other play date child complains that his play date partner isn't playing with him. I guess he doesn't want to play tag? He could join in the tag too. The more the merrier?
From where I sit it is from low attention span from the kid playing tag. Nothing mean and nothing intentional.
Kids are hateful to my son some times. They say "Go away or I don't like you". Since he doesn't care or exactly know what they are saying, in five minutes they are all holding hands and playing a form of follow me tag. I guess not being sensitive has some advantages. I guess I could learn something from him.....
I am so bad at this stuff...
Thanks everyone for the replies. I will keep them in mind.
Melanie, that sounds helpful. I hope I can remember and think up alternative responses LOL. I guess I better go get the book.
Thanks Karen for your insight as well. I fall into that category that you mentioned. *sweet and kind* and then getting walked on. For this very reason, I want to make sure my DD does not fall into this belief. I want her to believe in herself.
Even now, I watch her "KNOW" something only to let another child talk her out of her believes. It really bothers me. In particularly, her best friend is always telling DD that something is not true, or DD can't do this/that and so on. And DD lets her claim what is true or right. Then she comes to me saying "--- says I can't do XXX" or "--- says that XXX don't really do this." I hate watching her not stand up and say, "YES I CAN, Watch me!" or "you're WRONG! I'm right!"
If you want any help choosing the best starter book/tape, let me know. Between Eve and I, I think we have just about all of them! LOL.
Karen is absolutely right about it not working perfectly the first time. But it will work. It did for us! Now my kids will come whimpering and when I say, "Oh, that's sad! What are you going to do?" They'll say, "I don't know. Can you tell me what other kids have tried?" LOL. But they know in the end it's up to them to pick something and try it. I won't make that decision for them. It's amazing some of the things they come up with! They are definitely capable of solving these things on their own. Oh, and as far as hoping you can come up with solutions, don't worry about that. Like I said before, even if you only come up with bad solutions and then tell her your out of ideas, that's okay. She will still be thinking and coming up with something on her own. And it's also okay to say that you can't think of what other kids have tried right now and you will get back to her in a bit. And then call a friend (or contact a bunch of friends right here!) and ask what some possible solutions you can give her are. If you stretch the process out like that it simply gives her more time to think.
Good luck! And if you do try Love and Logic, let me know. I love having more friends who use this method to bounce ideas off of. Eve and I use IM constantly to talk about possibilities! 
I would love to know which book you would recommend for just this type of stuff. With DD starting Kindergarten next year I really want her to make friends well and hold her ground without feeling pushed. Since she just turned 5 there will be many older kids in her class and she is the size of most three year olds or early 4 yr olds. And her speech is young sounding. She has great logic, but just her appearance and cowering (sp?) sets her at a disadvantage.
Okay Dana, you asked for it! LOL.
The book that gives you the overall feel for what Love and Logic is all about is called "Parenting With Love and Logic" by Foster Cline and Jim Faye. This gives a great overview, but definitely leaves you wanting more. Especially for young kids, as many of the examples they use are for school age kids. But it is a great way to become familar with the program.
The tape "Four Steps to Responsibility" is one of my favorites. It is very short, but it gives the best examples of how to get kids to make their own choices and then live with the consequences, good or bad, of those choices. This one is not a book being read. It is Jim Faye talking and telling stories with great examples.
At the Love and Logic site, they also offer books by other authors who use similar methods. I was browsing and found one that sounds like it may be just what you are looking for. I haven't read it, but I believe I have a tape from this author and really enjoy it. The one I am talking about for you is called, "Words will NEVER Hurt Me" by Sally Ogden. It may be worth checking out.
Well, that should get you started (for now, LOL). There are a lot more, mostly concentrating on discipline and homework issues, but it doesn't sound like you need much in that area. But if you do, I can let you know which ones are good! LOL. Here is the link to the L & L website:
http://www.loveandlogic.com/ecom/default.aspx
Just click on "Products for Parents" and you should find the books and tapes I mentioned.
I can't add too much to what Melanie posted. The Love and Logic has been helpful in our house too. Here's my L & L example I used a few months back:
We were playing at a friends house and the little boy blocked Syd with a truck at her feet making it tough for her to move from her spot. She said "Mumma!!?" I said "Bummer, Syd. Would you like some ideas? You can sit there and cry. You can get up and sit somewhere else. OR, you can ask him to please stop." She right away asked him by name to please stop. So, she stood up for herself and I didn't need to do or say anything. They all went back to playing. It's really hard not to swoop in all the time and rescue them! I am always reminding myself of this one!
Thanks for bringing this up again, Melanie! My books and tapes are out on loan, so I need reminders! LOL!
My favorite book and tape are both (I think!) entitled "Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood. Practical Parenting from Birth to Six Years." This is SOOO easy to read! It's like a reference book! I wish they were all in this format. It could easily be read in a day or a weekend! I can't recommend this one enough! This is one to keep on hand, IMHO. The tapes by the same name is very good too. Really enjoyable to listen to. Highly motivational!
Melanie, did I tell you Moira bought a L&L book and is happily using some it??
Here is an article that came into my email box that might be helpful too.
http://www.fisher-price.com/us/experts/article_view.asp?articleid=39050&email=1
Thanks Melanie, Eve and Feona.
I just signed DD up for her first summer camp, so I will actually have some of my OWN time to get the books to read.
Eve or Melanie:
After reading some posts on this site, I ordered the book Eve just mentioned. I just finished reading the book (except there were 30 missing pages in the middle and I ordered a replacement) and REALLY want to implement it. I am a little unsure as to how to do so, however. For example, if my ds deliberately does something which I asked him not to do such as turning off my computer while I'm on it, am I suppose to immediately say "uh oh. It looks like you will need some "quiet time" for disobeying mommy" or can I say "Uh oh. You disobeyed mommy and that makes me sad. Please do not do it again or you will be getting some "quiet time" (and, of course, follow through on it if he does it again). If I don't give him quiet time the first time he does it, are there other alternative actions I can take to effect a negative consequence for him? What would you guys do in this situation? The book also says not to give direct orders such as "Please don't turn off the computer or Please don't touch it" but I find if difficult to refrain from it. How do you handle giving clear directions to your ds w/o giving orders???? I can do this most of the time but all of the time?? It's hard.
There is no need to say please don't touch or please don't turn off the computer. He is smart enough to remember from the last time you said that he is not supposed to do it. Simply say, "Uh-oh. This is so sad!" (Remember to sing it so you can't sound like you are angry) and move him to his room. Those are the only words you need to say.
It is hard to refrain from using a lot of words. We tend to think the more we talk the more they will learn. Not so. The less we talk the more thinking they have to do. Remember, he doesn't need warnings and he doesn't need explanations. He is smart enough to put it all together on his own. And if you can do all of this without showing anger and frustration but only empathy, the lesson will be driven home.
It will get easier with practice. Keep us posted on how L & L works for you!
Melanie, do I say "uh oh. this is so sad" and move him to his room EACH time he does something disobedient or says or does something nondesireable. For example, lately he's been saying mean things to people around him when he doesn't get his way.
Yes, every time. You will find yourself doing it less and less every day. Eve had a situation with her barely two year old where her dd hit the dog. Eve only managed to get out the "Uh-oh" and her daughter quickly began gently patting the dog and saying "Sorry". It's amazing how fast they learn!
Very good advice. I have to remember that when we are giving time outs. Uh Oh. That is sad. Time out. Less words and less anger. Good advice.
Melanie: Above you gave examples of other kids' solutions you might give your own kids if someone didn't want to play with them and you would leave it up to your kid to choose one along with its consequence good or bad. One of the ideas you gave was "some kids go to their friend who said they couldn't play and hit them really hard" (which obviously was your example of a bad choice for your kids) but what do you do if your kid decides he wants to try this particular idea? Do you at that point talk him out of that choice since it could potentially hurt someone? I was alittle confused because you had mentioned that in L&L you should present some ideas to your kid but in the end it's up to them to choose one and do it.
This has been my 2nd day of trying to use L&L. I'm not sure if I'm doing it right but I'll keep you posted.
I've said that option to my kids and each time they say "That's bad. They'd hit me back!" LOL. Usually when kids do hit it's when they are knee-deep in a situation and just operating out of anger. If your child is off talking to you about options, the child is probably sane enough not to choose such an option! But what if your child does it? Oh boy, what a learning experience that could be! Let's see, the mom of the other child would probably be very angry. And she'll be coming to you. You tell the parent you understand her anger as you would be furious! And here is your child so she can deal with her directly. I have a feeling that option will not be chosen in the future. And what if your daughter chooses a bigger kid to go up and hit hard? My guess is she will get hit back. Again, she'll learn that's not the best way to handle things. Is this harsh? Not really. It's better that your child have this kind of experience with a child who is 3 or 4 rather than try this kind of option later in her teens when the price tag is much higher. When you give your child options, you want to secretly hope and pray that she makes a wrong choice. Why? Because people learn from mistakes. If she messes up and you give her lots of sympathy and then ask her how she is going to handle it, you are giving her tools that will last a lifetime. You will have a child who can think for themselves and make good decisions. Today it's a decision over sharing toys, tomorrow it's a decision over whether or not to use drugs, drink and drive, have sex, etc. The price tag is low now. Tomorrow it will be life or death.
That makes sense. How long have you been practicing L&L? You really seem to know what you are talking about. I hope you don't mind if I call on your expertise frequently. I'm new at this and have lots of question. For example, tonight my ds wanted to go pee in the potty before bed (he's 3) and wanted me to help him. I encouraged him to assist me, though. He always pulls his underwear and pants down to his ankle and gets really frustrated and angry when he has trouble pulling them up and so I asked him if he wanted some ideas that might make it easier for him to pull up his pants. He got REALLY angry at me and basically yelled at me to leave him alone and that he didn't want my help. He then continued to do his usual routine of pulling them down to his ankles, and of course, he got upset when he had some trouble pulling them up. He sat on the floor kicking his legs repeating "I told you I can't do it." in a very sour tone. I praised him for going potty by himself and offered him some ideas on how to make it easier to pull up his pants. He got REALLY angry at me and started yelling at me. I'm trying to teach him not to yell and be disrespectful to people. I said to him "What a bummer." How sad that you will not be getting a story before bed tonight" He then asked me why he wasn't getting a story. He truly didn't seem to know what he had done wrong. At that point, do I tell him why or say nothing further. When he speaks meanly to me I usually tell him how sad it makes me when he is mean and that I really don't want to talk to him until he is sweet. Was taking away his story privilege the right thing for me to do in this situation or was it too harsh given the circumstance? You would think that after the 10th time of doing the same thing over and over again, he would learn that what he was doing was not effective and search for an alternative but it seems to me that he wants to set himself up for failure so he can keep relying on me. Should I just refuse to help him at all? What would you do in this situation??
Thanks, Melanie. I'm so new at this and I want to make sure I'm doing it right. The book I've read does give some examples and lays out the fundamentals of L&L but I find myself unsure as to exactly what I should do in these every day situations. I sure do appreciate your insight.
Sorry for the delay, I've been away. I've been practicing L & L for a couple of years. I listen to the tapes constantly so that is why I am able to rattle of the lingo pretty quickly! LOL. I love listening to the tapes over and over. It keeps it all fresh in my mind.
Let me tackle the easiest question first. When you told him he wasn't getting a book and he asked why, use another one of my favorite one-liners. "Why do you suppose?" When asked that, he may surprise himself by coming up with the right answer. My guess is that in the past you may have said "Well now that you've done XXX there will be no book" or something like that. Now you want him to figure it out on his own. That will take practice. But once he starts thinking about it and putting it all together on his own, he won't have to ask "Why?" any more.
As for the situation you described, that's a bit trickier. You might say something like, "All this pouting is hurting my ears. You keep working at this while I go to another room. If you want some suggestions on how to do it, let me know. I'd be happy to give you some ideas." And walk out.
Another thing I tell my kids when they say, "I can't". I tell them that when they say they can't, they won't. I tell them to say over and over, "I can do it, I can do it" and if they keep working, they will do it. I am amazed at the results of that. When my youngest son was three years old he was determined to ride his bike without training wheels, just like his big brother. He sat out on his bike every morning at 7 am chanting, "I can do it, I can do it, I can do it". And he did. So now he believes me when I tell him to keep repeating that.
I say keep working on getting him to do it. Keep saying words like, "I know it's hard, but I bet you can figure this out!" Things like that.
Good luck. I hope he masters this soon so he has a success he can remember and can build on!
One other thought, instead of saying would you like some suggestions, try, "Would you like to hear what some other kids have tried?" Kids are often willing to hear what other kids have tried even when they aren't willing to listen to what an adult has to offer.
Great advice, Melanie. It's really interesting because there are some things that he insist on doing himself, like squeezing the toothpaste but for the most part, lately he insists he can't do just about anything... things which I know he can like taking off his own shirt and going pee in the potty. When I encourage him to do it himself because I know he can, he refuses to go potty and starts to cry. I have a three month old at home whom my ds absolutely adores and hasn't shown a wink of jealousy towards him but I'm wondering how much of this regression is due to my younger ds. In this case, is it best to just give in and do things for my ds if he absolutely won't do it himself or be adamant about making him do it himself in light of the minor tantrums so that I don't enable his depending on me constantly. I want to do what is best for him in light of the circumstances.
You really need to judge whether you think it's because it's a sign of jealousy and he just needs some extra TLC or if you think it's a bad habit he is getting into. If it's just a need on his part for TLC, then do it. He will get past it faster if you tend to that need.
I would probably suggest saying to him, "Sweetie, would you like to try pulling your pants back up by yourself, or would you like me to help?" If he says he wants your help, then help. And while you are doing it, talk through what you are doing. He'll be listening and remembering. So that day when he says he wants to do it, he'll know exactly what you did. And the important thing you are doing in that process is giving him some control. Just enough that you are willing for him to have, but enough that will keep him happy.
I hope that helps!
I can't believe I missed the rest of this conversation. LOL! Don't feel bad, I am always asking Melanie her advice for some every day type of situations. That's why it's nice to have this forum and having some other Mom's interested in this technique.
Joyce, it's really hard to keep up with it all the time! I am not always dragging Syd off to her room. Most the time, yes, I am. We just got back from another long stay at my grandmothers house. I put Syd in our room there too! She told my Mom to "shut up" and pulled the dog's hair numerous times. I always just say "Uh oh, this is sad. When you are ready to be sweet you can come out." Or "When you are ready to be sweet to the dogs, you can come out." Normally, I find that I am doing this over and over again to change some specific behavior. Melanie mentioned Syd and hitting the dog. We brought her up to her room about 10 times one evening and another couple the next day and by the time we were done, she heard one "Uh oh" and said "Sorry! Sorry!" I mean, you can't make them into perfect kids all at once! LOL!
I do sill find myself bickering with my 2 year old and then I think "What am I doing?" and then switch to "You know, I just love you too much to argue with you." It takes time to change Mommy's behavior too!
I also use "No touch" with Syd. It's hard not to give direct orders for me. If I tell her "No touch" and she listens, fine. If I say it and she looks at me and touches again, then she gets "uh-oh!" I have, however, had to leave stores and take Syd out of activities for bad behavior. I just sort of judge what is curiosity and what is bad behavior. I hope that makes sense. Find what works for you! I'm still learning and still working on the L&L, but I am enjoying the process!
Darn, I need to order another book to get me back into this! Mine are out on loan. I need some motivation. Melanie, what should I get next??
LOL, Eve, I've lost tracks of which ones you have! Several of mine are out on loan as well, and I miss them! LOL.
I'm now half way through your book I borrowed, Eve. (L & L Magic for Early Childhood) Glad to read your post because I was thinking it would be a gradual process getting used to this approach. I already use some of the techniques, thanks to my teaching experience. I'm looking forward to getting a good chunk of time to really get into the book and finish it. I'll probably be bouncing things off the two of you soon.
Trina, one of the best pieces of advice Jim Faye and Foster Cline give is to pick one behavior you want to change and use L & L on that. Let it grow from there.
I think it's great that you already use some of the techniques they suggest. It will feel very natural using this approach. That's a huge advantage! That was one of the things that appealed to me about it. I was already doing some things they suggest, so it wasn't a stretch to do more.
I love reading and listening to as many of their books and tapes as I can. Every time I do I pick up another "one liner" I can use. Like the "I love you too much to argue" line. I love that one!
I'd love to hear what you think of the book and how the techniques work for you!
As you all know, I'm trying to use L&L. When I implement it, my ds gets pretty angry and frustrated (as expected I guess) but the troublesome thing is that he is responding in violent physical manner which he didn't do before. For example, today we bought a couple of toys for my ds and when he started getting angry at my dh and whining while playing, I said to him "How sad. It looks like we'll have to put the game away for now". He got angry and started throwing his folding chair around. My dh asked him to give him back the magnetic metal balls which my ds was holding in his fist and my ds THREW them directly at my dh in anger. They hit his eyes and could have caused serious damage. I WAS SHOCKED!!! He had never thrown anything at anybody like that before. We, of course, handled it as L&L has taught us and put him in his room. Is that enough, though? For a behavior so violent?? He was in his room for quite some time and I took away his tv and toy privileges for the night as well. I am still in shock at his behavior. Would anyone have handled it differently?
Bump.
I think you are alot stricter than us. We punish for hitting, pushing and jumping on our bed when we are in it (Ouch), and repeating annoy behavior after we asked him to stop.
My son wouldn't know what you are doing. He is three. I think he would have throw things too. I always tell him why the toy is going bye bye. What does the book say?
One important thing to remember is that the authors recommend one month of L & L for every year of the childs life before it is completely effective. Your child is simply resisting the changes he is seeing in you and your dh. Perfectly understandable. Stay at it, stay consistant, and he will get there.
One thing you could always do when you are at a loss like that is delayed consequences. Tell him you are not sure what you are going to do about it right now, but tell him not to worry about that. You'll let him know. And send him off to his room.
Later when he is calm you could even go to him and say, "You've got a problem, Sweetie. Earlier you threw you chair and your new toy at Daddy. How are you going to handle that?" And it's still okay to offer suggestions of what other kids have done to solve this problem. Suggestions such as, "Well, we could put away your chair and the balls until you are old enough to use them properly. How would that work for you?...Or we could give your toys away to another child who knows the right way to use them. How would that work? Or you could apologize to dad and do some work with him around the house to replace the energy you drained from him. How would that work for you?"
The most important thing, and it sounds like you did this, is not to show anger. Getting parents angry is a great way for a kid to control an adult. If you can't think of the right thing to say it's okay to say, "I'm so angry that I don't know what to say. You need to spend time by yourself for a while." Consequences don't need to be immediate if you don't know what to do. It's okay to let your child think about what consequences may be coming.
One other delayed consequence you could use is next time you are at the store. If you typically buy him a little something, this would be effective. When he asks for a little toy, tell him, "Oh honey, I would love to, but unfortunately last time I did you made a very bad decision and threw it at your dad. So even though I really want you to have it, I'm afraid that's just not possible. It's so sad." And when he cries and pleas keep repeating, "I know, honey. It's so sad."
You need to make that bad decision uncomfortable for him so he will stop and think next time. But it has to be done with complete empathy or else he will spend the time angry at you instead of thinking about what he will do different next time.
Good luck!!
You know the thing that strikes me after reading the L & L is, boy, better to have him throw the chair now and lose his cool rather than when he is a teenager and could *really* do some damage.
I also want to share, that we are in NH again. Everytime we've been here Sydney would pull at the dogs. She would be put in the bedroom about 30 times! No lie! Well, guess what???! This trip she has not pulled at the dogs! We have not had to talk to her ONCE! I can't stress how much this works! Melanie said above, choose ONE behavior to start and work on that!
Melanie keeps reminding me "parent centered" and then I say "oh yeah!!" I think so often we want to be such good parents and it's human nature to try to take care of and comfort our kids. We don't want to see them upset, especially if we were the ones that upset them. When really we need to be teaching them these important lessons and getting them ready for the real world. Not to mention, taking care of ourselves! No one ever told me it was ok to get out of the car if I was going to lose my cool or to tell Sydney "Mommy is angry and can't deal with you right now."
Just stick with it! He's getting angry because he is hoping Mom and Dad will go back to the way they were! He was enjoying all that attention!! It will happen. I think talking it through helps a TON. Melanie and I keep an ongoing dialogue and it's helped me. You are doing so great! Keep reminding yourself what a good thing you are doing for your son! He is SMART! He gets it.
My dh's eyes are alittle bruised and still pretty sore today. My ds asked him if his eyes were still hurting this morning. I could tell he was really sorry for what he did. All this without me having to lecture to him. Although I know my ds didn't deliberately throw those balls to hurt my dh, he did throw them at him because he didn't want to hand them back and that was deliberate. It being the first time he's ever done such a thing, I just really wanted him to sense how serious it was. What if it was another child and he damaged his eye? My ds later told me he did a bad thing. I asked him why he thought he did it and he said he wanted to play more and didn't want to give back the balls to daddy and that made him very upset. I told him it was understandable that he was upset and feelings are ok but that throwing or hitting is bad. I think he's starting to get it.
Melanie and Eve, I really do appreciate your sharing your experiences and especially all of the words of encouragement. I can't tell you what a help it is to me. After three and a half months of maternity leave, I'm returning to work on Tuesday. Instead of going back full-time, I've decided to go back three days a week for the summer. I'm sooooo depressed about it because I absolutely love being at home. I'm also breastfeeding so that will be a challenge, especially since my younger ds doesn't take to the bottle very well. I will definitely keep checking in with you guys in the evening after work. Thanks for keeping up with all of my postings lately. I must seem like an over anxious mom.... you guys have been great.
Poor DH. Ouch. Hope he is better today!
Joyce, believe me, talking over the L & L helps us as much as it does you! So, really, we are being selfish. LOL!
Good luck going back tomorrow. 3 days a week sounds like a nice number! Keep us posted on how everything is going.
LOL, I will echo Eve. The more we talk about L & L, the fresher it is in our minds and helps us to use it. Definitely selfish of us! LOL.
Good luck tomorrow. I know that is a hard thing to do. ((HUG))
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