Feel like an extremely grumpy mom
Moms View Message Board: Parenting Discussion: Archive January-June 2003:
Feel like an extremely grumpy mom
As most of you know, I have been doing the single parent thing for the last two months. This is a bit of a 'woe is me' post but I'm also concerned about my dd (almost 7). As an aside, we will all be together again as a family in 6 weeks.
I find I am grumpy at my dd all the time. I yell alot and sometimes say things I regret afterwards. Today she and her brother were playing and she put toothpaste in his hair. I told her it was a stupid thing to do. We never use that word and I don't know why I said it but I did.
I'm worried that I might be being too hard on her, expecting her to do more around than she is developmentally ready for. On the other hand, I teach her class and see other kids her age acting much more mature than she does.
Any advice would be appreciated. I know I'm just stressed but I know this hasn't been easy for them either. Help me get through this please.
I think anyone would have the same experience if they were temporarily a single mom. I would just try to do the best I can and realize that no one is perfect.
I am going through something similiar with my son. What I am trying to do is realize he is an individual and if he gets negative attention it is not a reflection on my parenting because I know I am doing the best I can.
We are trying him in regular preschool next year. My husband and I think he will do wonderfully because we think he is bored where he is now. There is a 50% possibility that he will not get anything out of the regular preschool due to him being visually distracted and I will have to put him back in a special preschool.
So I have to just do the best I can and realize if he isn't ready for what I think he is ready for I have to adjust my attitude.
Also I have to stop caring what other people think or say and just worry about what I think.
If I worry about what other people think I wouldn't be able to put him in the regular preschool because I would be paralized with fear on what the other parents would think or that he might get thrown out of the regular preschool. (They would just tell me he isn't getting anything out of the regular preschool.)
This was also a lesson for me in doing what my husband and I think is right, rather than listen to the worlds advice.
I find when I become "grumpy" and DD is driving me nuts on a daily/hourly basis, I reasses the situations.
As you stated, you realize that you have started to loose control. Focus on yourself and your manner of speaking to your children. Focus on being possitive.
When I do this, there is an INSTANT turnaround in DD's behavior. And poof, I'm not so cranky any more.
Take some time to sit on the floor w/ the kids. Play a game, read a book, go outside. Just spend some very enjoyable time together. After their needs are met, you will find them much happier to oblige your requests for behavior and chores.
After or during your playtime with the kids tell them that you are sorry for being grumpy and that you need a few minutes of quite time. Go to your room for some rest, read a book, a bubble bath, whatever. And then when you feel refreshed, do another small thing w/ the kids...maybe cook dinner together or something.
Change your perspective, and the world around you will change with it.
Paulas,
Just remember the break-up is extremly hard on children.
We all have our moments, and I feel like that alot of the time also. You aren't alone, believe me..lol
Dana, gave some great advice. Try your hardest to take a breath before you scold or yell. Have your daughter take a time out so you can cool off and then address the situation after you have calmed down. I am pretty bad about blaming my daughter for stuff, because she is older and I expect her to know better. Its not always fair and I have to remind myself she is still a child.
Take the time to love each one of them, like Dana said, play games, read, cuddle, tell them how much you love them...This is important.
I always remind myself of how short life really is and you want this time to be a memory.
Goodluck..vent anytime.... 
Im going through the same thing you are. You are NOT alone.
Im going through some pretty heavy stressful times right now, and my DS gets half of it.
Since my Ds is older than DD I expect more out of him I guess. ANd when I get angry the poor kid seems to catch 50% of my anger. Me and him are just alike, and our personalities clash LOL.....
I've noticed the change in his behavior towards me, and mine towards him... and I have turned myself around....and he's turning around too I have stopped and thought before I say something, and if I do get angry with him, (too much) I will apologize. I have been trying to spend more time with my Dks and trying to stop worrying about all the little things that I am letting build up to be big, and spending time with them.
If the kids get on my nerves too much I send them outside to play, or in thier rooms, for me some alone time LOL......there is nothing wrong with that
Goodluck!!
Grumpy mom?? We're all grumpy sometimes!!!! LOL In all serious though, make sure you take some time for yourself. If you can afford a sitter or make arrangements to take them to friend's houses you should do something to relax you. My sister is 8, just barely, and my brother is 3. Somehow I can totally imagine her putting toothpaste in his hair. Go a little easy on her, but only you can decide what you can and cannot expect from her. My mom told me, when I was worried about teaching the kids how to act, that you just teach manners and such by using them yourself. Nothing more you can do about it! Go much easier on yourself, I'm in the same boat honey! With DH deployed I am a married single mother of soon-to-be 1 year olds. My solution to my aggrivations at them, and the fact that I was getting constantly frustrated was to get a part-time night job. Just find something that makes you feel better, and DO IT!!!!! You'll be much better with the kids for it, I know I am.
The thing that helps me is cutting out stuff that's stressing me out. Don't volunteer to make brownies and sell them at open house if you don't have time (just an example). The other thing is, like everyone said, we all get grumpy, but you ACT like you're not. A friend who is in AA said to me that a common saying is "Fake it till you make it." Put a sweet smile on your face and say, "Let's not do that to your brother's hair." Just go through the motions, even if you don't feel it, and the motions will become reality. Lots of hugs, or reading together, or sitting on the floor to play for a few minutes (even if you're not really paying attention) and your daughter will be happy, which will make you feel less guilty.
We all get grumpy Paulas! I have been pretty grumpy toward my DD today, and now of course i feel bad about it. All these ladies have great advice. Some of it may sound easier than it actually is LOL. Just try to take some time to do something fun with your daughter. And don't worry about cleaning the house for a while or anything like that, just focus on you and her. Your doing a great job, good luck!
Hi Paula! I hope you are doing better. I echo everything said above. Things have been pretty stressful around here as well and I find myself being short with my ds pretty often and then feeling horribly guilty about it afterwards. I hug my ds for a LONG time and tell him how sorry I am for being so "grumpy". Once he said to me, "It's ok, mom. I get grumpy too when I miss my nap." Pretty insightful for a three year old. I think he hit it right on the nail. I needed to get some sleep because I was darn tired!! Try to get some rest and relaxation for yourself and remember you are not a bad mom for being grumpy at times. Moms are not perfect and
we can't set that kind of expectation for ourselves; otherwise, we will always feel like we are letting our dks down. Our love for them and theirs for us is unconditional. Hang in there!
|
Members
