I talked to my sons teacher last Friday and she thinks it is best to keep him in kindergarten again next year. He hasn't been able to learn all of his letters. He can say them all but he can't write them all. Another thing is identifying what letter starts a word. She gave him the word "LIKE" and asked him what it started with and he says "yike, it starts with a Y. She said no try again so he said Wike, it starts with a W. He gets confused on certain letters because he has problems with speech. He sees a speech teacher at school for this. He knows what an L is if you show it to him but when he says it it comes out sounding like y or w. The same thing with the letter V. My dh does'nt think that this should be something to hold him back for. We are going to talk to the teacher again this Thursday about it. My dh wants to be able to work really hard with him over the summer and have him start 1st grade next year. He is doing great in all other areas. He can write to 100, knows all the colors, and says his ABC's. It is just the sounding out words and certain letters that is giving him problems. My dh was held back a year and he said that he always hated being older and bigger than the other kids.
I'm just so torn between what to do. I want what is best for my ds, but at this point I'm not even sure what the best is.
Any advice??

Mara

By Joan on Monday, May 5, 2003 - 04:53 pm:

Okay, I just finished having him write out his letters so I would be sure of which ones he is not writing. Here is how he did, these are the ones he did know...

A B C D E F _ _ I J _ L M N O P (his P was upside down) _ _ S (his S was backwards) T U V W X Y Z.

He didn't write G, H, K, Q, R.

Then I asked him a word that started with each letter, like apple, then ball, then cat and so on with each letter and had him tell me what each word started with.
He missed G, H, J, R, U.

For those of you who teach kindergarten, or anyone who tutors or knows about this stuff, is this terrible? Is this something that they could just let us work on during the summer to catch him up?

Should I just let them hold him in kindergarten again? I'm just at a loss here.

Mara

By Trina on Monday, May 5, 2003 - 05:01 pm:

As a former teacher/current mom I'll add my two cents... First off, I hope this isn't the first time the teacher has mentioned this. What a bomb to drop at the end of the year! What are YOUR mommy instincts saying? The ultimate decision is yours, not the schools. However, that said, I would seriously take the schools point of view into consideration. What do other staff members recommend? Other things to consider are his developmental maturity and social skills. Can he sit still, listen and follow directions and finish a task? How does he get along with his peers? How are his fine motor skills? Does he grasp a pencil correctly? How well can he cut? Is his handedness established? I must tell you that at the end of Kindergarten last year my DS and most of his classmates were reading simple books and beginning to write very basic stories.

Has your DS been evaluated other than for speech? Has his hearing been tested? If he's developmentally mature enough for Gr. 1 but continues to have difficulties there could be something else going on besides his speech delays. I have read there is a high correlation between speech delays and learning disabilities. (My DD, PreK, is in speech therapy.) In that case, holding him back would not have any benefit. He would need to be tested and provided with services.

The reality is if your DS truly isn't ready for Gr. 1, it doesn't matter how much you work with him over the summer. Sending him to Gr. 1 would be setting him up for failure.

Sorry I wasn't much help! It's very hard not knowing your DS in person. Definitely meet with the school staff again and ask lots of questions. Perhaps meet with a Gr. 1 teacher and ask what's expected of new first graders. Look deep into your mommy heart and decide what's best for your DS.

When I was teaching there were only 2 students I recommended to repeat K. One set of parents agreed and were very pleased when their child went on to thrive in Gr. 1 a year later. The other parents sent their son to Gr. 1 despite my advise. That child struggled all year and ended up repeating Gr. 1.

By Sunny on Monday, May 5, 2003 - 05:03 pm:

I would consider having him evaluated before making a decision. I experienced this (minus the speech) with my 11 yr old when he was in K, and rather than evaluate him, the school put him in a special class for 1st, 2nd and 3rd grade. He still isn't reading at grade level and I'm having him evaluated now.

I also have a son who is in K now, but he was evaluated at the beginning of the year. He does have speech problems and is having problems learning the letter sounds, but (big but here ), he is academically on par with his age group and there is no need for him to repeat K.
They suggested I try and get him into a language program for 1st grade, but the first session is full, so he will be going on to a regular 1st grade and getting the extra support he needs. I know a lot of times repeating K is looked at as not as big a deal, but if he's not hearing the sounds, repeating K won't solve the problem, IMO.

By Trina on Monday, May 5, 2003 - 05:11 pm:

Joan, how old is he compared to other class mates? Does he recognize lower case letters? When you say he is "writing" the letters, is he copying them from text or are you dictating what letters to write? Letter reversals are age appropriate at this age so I wouldn't be concerned about that. Can he write his name? Does he recognize numbers? Can he count objects with one to one correspondence?

By Pamt on Monday, May 5, 2003 - 05:57 pm:

AAARRRGGHHH!!I had just typed a long response and it got sucked into cyberspace. Here's the condensed version:

*agree with Sunny and Trina to carefully consider all aspects and then go with mommy gut feeling

*suggest complete eval (IQ tests, academic/learning tests, etc.)

*recommend full audiological evaluation which is more extensive than the hearing test they get at school. School should pay for this. They will test speech perception and discrimination to make sure your DS can hear differences in words like pat/bat, whip/rip. Speech pathologist can do some of this type if testing (i.e., SCAN test), but audiological would be more comprehensive

*most kids with articulation disorders (in my experience as a speech pathologist) can hear and identify the correct letters even if they say them incorrectly. For ex., what does "like" start with?, they would say "wike..it starts with an 'l'"

*different school systems have different expectations at different grades. You will need to consider your school's expectations. My youngest DS is a kindergartner and all the kids in his class are reading (at varying levels) and are expected to be reading pretty well when they enter 1st grade. If this same expectation is true at your school, then this would put your DS at a disadvantage

*Err on the side of caution. Taking Trina's questions above into account and where the teacher says the other kids in class are performing, if your DS is lagging behind then one more year in kdg may do wonders. You definitely don't want to set him up for failure by sending him to 1st gr if he is not ready. There is much less stigma in repeating kdg than repeating 3rd grade.

(((Mara)))

Funny to think this is my "short" version--gosh! I'm long-winded!

By Joan on Monday, May 5, 2003 - 06:54 pm:

Here are some answers to the above questions...
He is 6 years and 4 months old.
He recognizes most lower case letters, but not all.
When he wrote his letters for me he did not look at text or have me tell him what to write. I just gave him a paper and pencil and told him to write his ABC's. He did it out of memory.
He can write his name.
He can identify numbers.
He can count objects.

By Ginnyk on Monday, May 5, 2003 - 07:00 pm:

I would definitely "err on the side of caution" as PamT says. My feeling is it is better to be held back and repeat Kindergarten than to possibly be held back at a later grade, or have to struggle and struggle in later grades and not be able to keep up.

I appreciate your dh's feelings, but still, how would he have felt if, instead of being bigger and older than the other kids, he was not doing as well as the other kids in reading, etc.? As Trina says, it would be setting him up for failure.

And definitely have him evaluated. It does sound like he is not hearing the sounds correctly, hearing or saying yike for like. And, an evaluation will tell you what you want to know, which is, is your ds really ready for first grade. Times and standards and expectations have changed greatly since we were in school. I know that my sons were all reading on a 2d or 3rd grade level before age 5, but when the two who went to public school entered first grade, almost none of their classmates were reading. They knew the alphabet and letter sounds, but were definitely not reading. Now most schools expect kindergarteners to be able to read at least a bit, and to be really good on letters and sounds and some basic printing by the time they finish K.

By Beachqueen on Monday, May 5, 2003 - 07:08 pm:

I had the same problem with my son. He's a late December baby, so he started at 4 yrs old. Towards the end of kindergarten his teacher was quite concerned with his maturity level.My Ds was great academically, but lacked maturity. We discussed this with the school staff as well as the doctor who agreed he definetly was ready for 1st grade only in the academics. Well we decided to put him in the first grade. Sometimes now I think it was a mistake. He graduated last year from high school. He's very intelligent, but still very immature. He decided to take a year off from college anyway. So think long & hard about your decision. Also keep in mind that if a student has to be retained kindergarten is the best time.

By Pamt on Monday, May 5, 2003 - 07:15 pm:

Mara, it's one thing to say "write your ABCs" and him do it, but if you say "write G, write B, write X" can he do it? Also, upper and lower case on request? Can he identify letters randomly, not in alphabetical order?

ALso, how high can he count and can he do simple addition? Just some things to consider.

He's about my DS's age. He turned 6 in December.

By Kaye on Monday, May 5, 2003 - 08:25 pm:

http://www.ballard.k12.ia.us/schools/east/ekinder.html

This has a link of things he should be able to do. It is always a tough call on what to do with those at the edge kids. If you choose to send him to first grade, enroll him in some sort of school for the summer, Sylan tutoring, etc. Children lose a lot this age anyway over the summer, it is sooo important with all elementary students to work some, read a lot and continue to learn.

By Joan on Monday, May 5, 2003 - 10:34 pm:

Pamt,

I understand now what you mean about writing them in order and being able to just ask him to write them down as I say them out of order. That I think he would have problems with. He can count to 100, but he struggles to do that sometimes.
I think he should probebly stay in kindergarten again....that is so hard to say I DO think that is best for him.
I just have a lot on my plate right now. This just seems to be the cherry on top. Were in the process of buying our first home, waiting for the inspection now. I'm due with our 3rd baby in 13 weeks, just had to pay someone off to keep them from sueing us....my dad is very ill. I'm so sorry but I'm just very overwhelmed. I feel like I'm running in circles and I can't find the end. I guess it's not fair to my ds to try to push and push when he just is'nt ready. I just wish it was easier.
Thanks for you time everyone. I guess you all helped me to see the light so to speak.

Mara

By Trina on Monday, May 5, 2003 - 10:53 pm:

(((((Mara)))))

By Conni on Monday, May 5, 2003 - 11:05 pm:

My neice was held back in 1st gr and is now in 3rd gr. She has REALLY benefited from it. She now makes all A's, is in GIFTED AND TALENTED, just signed up for cheerleading, I could go on and on! She has become a much more confident young girl. She also has been playing soccer for a yr or two and ended up on an ALL STAR team last year!! Thats more than I can say for my own kids. LOL I Am really proud of her. She is a completely different child now.

On the flip side... I WISH sooooo badly I would have held my ds back in K. I think he would have really benefited!

By Pamt on Monday, May 5, 2003 - 11:36 pm:

Oh Mara, you surely do have a lot on your plate! (((hugs))). I am so sorry that you have so much going on. Make sure to pull away and take time for yourself a little bit too even while you're rushing around to meet everyone else's needs. Take care of yourself and vent away here whenever you need to...it's a safe place.

As far as some extra review with your ds, my kindergartner uses Abeka as their curriculum and I am fairly pleased with it. However, my oldest DS used Saxon phonics in kdg in 1st grade and I thought it was an awesome curriculum. Might be something to look into over the summer. Also, one of my professors developed "Phonic Faces" cards to help with articulation therapy, spelling, and reading skills. You might want to check those out too. She has a series of books to go with them also. http://www.elementory.com/cards.html

By Susan10 on Tuesday, May 6, 2003 - 01:51 am:

Don't forget that when your husband went to school things were different. There are a lot more kids 'held back' now. He definitely won't be the only one. There will also be kids with May or June birthdays whose parents will decide to start them a year later. Sometimes I think that Kindergarten now is more like first grade was back then...it seems like so much more is expected at an early age. What's the hurry? I know it's a tough decision though, and I agree with whoever said that you should trust your instincts. One last thing, that mixing L up with Y and W is SO common. I have 2 nephews who are the same age, and at 5 years old one said YEYOW and the other said YEWOW for YELLOW.

By Colette on Tuesday, May 6, 2003 - 05:59 am:

(((Mara))) I am so sorry, you do have a lot on your plate right now. You've have some really good advice here.

By Kaye on Tuesday, May 6, 2003 - 07:32 am:

Mara, do you have a half day program or a full day program? If you are only there for a half day, then consider asking the school if he can go twice. Our district does that and it helps so much! Good luck. Big yuck on everything else, seems like when it rains it poors!

By Dana on Tuesday, May 6, 2003 - 11:12 am:

HUGS Mara. I don't have any information to improve on all said above. I just wanted to let you know that my DH was held back in Kindergarten and he says it was the best thing that happened to him. He was so much more ready the next year round.

I think if the child really needs to be held back, they will gain their self esteem about their skills instead of feeling they just can't keep up with the others.

By Jewlz on Wednesday, May 7, 2003 - 11:41 am:

i was wondering if ur school offered a kindergarden / 1st grade class ... maybe he would benefit from that and then make a final decision next year maybe with the extra help and time in school he would be able catch up ... just a suggestion

By Trish_Ok on Wednesday, May 7, 2003 - 04:00 pm:

I have a similar problem I'd like advice on. This will probably end up being a long post, but please bear with me! My son (who will be 6 next month) goes to a private school and is in the Kindergarten. This is his 3rd year at this school (he started out in the 3 year old Pre-school class). The teacher he has now is the same one he had in the 3 year old class. You'll understand why I tell you all this later. It seems as if it takes longer for things to click with him (letter & number recognition for eg.). However, once it does click he does fine. I know this has a lot to do with him being young. However, maturity wise he is above and beyond his classmates. He's very smart and curious. Just the other day he wanted to know what the different kinds of gasses are and what they are used for. Talking with him is like carrying on a conversation with a little adult. He's now started informing me of when I'm speeding. He'll say "Mom, you are going 40 and the sign said 35". He's also very tall for his age (the biggest in his class). We had a parent/teacher conference from he** with his teacher the middle of the year and let's just say she left me wondering if she even likes kids well enough to teach them! We've since resolved our differences (for the sake of my son) and I'm just trying to get him through her class. He does well with his weekly word lists (sounding out and using the words in a sentence). When we do flash cards at home he get's them all right too. After meeting with her last week she said that he's going to put "Provisional 1st Grade" on his report card, meaning it is up to us whether or not to send him on but she would prefer him going through Kindergarten again. My problem, I do NOT want him to have this same teacher for a 3rd year. I do not feel like she has worked with him to HELP him learn the things he needs to be learning. There are only 9 kids in his class and they still go half day Kindergarten. My heart is telling me to send him on to 1st grade and hope that having a different teacher will help, THEN if I feel like he's struggling next year to hold him back in 1st grade. And I'm afraid since he is so much bigger than most of the other kids that it will make it harder on him. He is also ready to go all day.
I'm sorry I know this is a bunch of babbling but my mind is going faster than my fingers! Thanks in advance!

By Kate on Wednesday, May 7, 2003 - 08:43 pm:

Hi Trish--if it were me I'd send him to first grade. I would not have him spend another year with a teacher who has obviously not been a good match for either one of you. I don't think you'll be able to handle another year of being at odds with her, however well you try to hide it and bite your tongue, and it doesn't sound fair to your son, either, because she probably won't be able to hide any annoyances she has with you and might take them out on your son.

You didn't really state why the teacher thinks he could use another year of K. To me he sounds pretty smart and on target. I don't think his size is that big a deal because he is a boy. If he were a girl I think it would be a very big deal, but in our present day society it's great to be a big, tall boy. Good luck!

By Susan10 on Wednesday, May 7, 2003 - 08:52 pm:

My son also tells me when I'm speeding and when I need to buy gas! He also was slow with letters and stuff, and had a teacher for 2 years who didn't get him. Does his teacher have kids of her own? I will bet not. This is a tough one, and having a June birthday doesn't make it easier. Lots of kids, especially boys, with June birthdays or later wait till the next year. Ask yourself the questions that Trina and Pamt asked above about his skills. My son had the same teacher in K and 1st who was so-so, then another so-so teacher in 2nd. In 3rd he had a great teacher and he just blossomed. My son was a perfect example of boys being slower, and then catching up. I had a feeling he would because, like your son, he was interested in science and cars and things like that. I'm not much help, sorry. Good luck deciding.

By Marcia on Thursday, May 8, 2003 - 12:08 am:

I guess I'm going to be the odd one out. If all of his other skills are age appropriate, I don't think that not knowing some letters and words is a good reason to hold him back. I have 2 who didn't know all of their letters until the middle of grade 1. I have one, in grade 2, who still mixes the odd sounds/letter combo up. She still prints some of her letters and numbers backwards. She's an excellent student, and those things will change with maturity.
My youngest is in grade 1 now, and she does receive speech and OT. She has improved greatly, even though she's still behind. I don't think that holding her back in K would have benefitted her at all. She's very social, was ready for 5 full days, and loves school.
I would be asking for examples of all of the areas she's behind in, before deciding to hold her back.

By Trish_Ok on Thursday, May 8, 2003 - 01:16 pm:

His teacher said that she couldn't just put 1st grade on his report card that she would have to put "Provisional" 1st.....meaning that she's not conviced he's ready for 1st grade and is leaving it up to us.
His teacher does have kids of her own, I believe they are about high school aged. And personally, I think they are a bit odd!!! Can I say that here without sounding hateful??!! LOL No really, it is a weird family. Then again my family is full of nuts too. But we're not talking about me! LOL
Thanks everyone for the advice. I'm already starting to feel better about it. It's like I know what I want to do I just want to make sure it's not going to be detrimental to my son.

By Mommyathome on Thursday, May 8, 2003 - 07:34 pm:

((((hugs)))) This is a really tough decision. I substitued at our local elementary school for a few years before getting married, but I don't have a teaching license etc. I agree w/the others that he should be evaluated. Maybe by someone other than his current teacher. We just registered my DD for kindergarten last month and we had whole list of things that she has to know *before* she starts kindergarten. One of those things was that she needed to know how to write the entire alphabet from memory in uppercase letters. And that's just to *start* kindergarten.

I think that the requirements for advancement are different for different states/districts etc. In our district, if your kindergartener can read and count to 100 then he/she is ready for advancement to the 1st grade. If not, they do an evaluation and try to come up with the best solution for the child.

Do you have a cut-off date for when you have to make the decision to hold back? Maybe you could stretch it out a little and try hiring a private tutor over the summer to work with your little guy. Then, if he has progressed go ahead and move him up. Again, this is all just MHO I just remember subsituting the lower grades and remember seeing the kids that were behind and struggling to keep up with the others academically. It was really hard on them. ((((((more hugs))))))) I hope things work out for you and for your little man

By Colette on Thursday, May 8, 2003 - 08:42 pm:

What about having a meeting with the first grade teacher and having her evaluate your son?

By Marymary on Friday, May 9, 2003 - 10:23 am:

Mara, I appreciate your concerns and your feelings about not having your DS held back.....my son is 4 and in JK, he can write all but 3 of his letters, one of them is the letter G which looks like a C, although he can read a simple book, sometimes with help, he can identify all the letters in the alphabet, and can count to 30 only missing about (2-3) inbetween.....I know that every school system has a "standard" as set out by their Educational system.....and I remember a pair of twins when I was growing up that were held back in Kindegarten....I wouldn't know what the reasons for that was 35 years ago, but I wonder if the reasons for "holding back" a child is "well rounded"...I mean is it just achievement in ABC's and counting or does it encompass, sharing and working well with others...I always have told the JK teachers that if my child wasn't ready for JK to tell me and I would keep them at home...could it be that he wasn't ready for school yet? I personally failed Grade 4 due and didn't have any determinetal problems as a result...I think the above responses of having your son tested are "right on the money"...perhaps the teacher has too large of a classroom and can't adequately mark your son on his progress....my son is lucky he has a teacher & an "early Childhood Educator" + 1 more helper, so I know he is getting the development he needs....find our from your local health unit if there is a division that does Early Childhood testing.....we have those programs here "free of charge" where a "specialist" takes the child through about 1/2 hr worth of testing to see if they are ready before they start school.

I personally wouldn't work him hard over the summer...kids are young for such a short amount of time.....let us know how it turns out.

By Mommyathome on Friday, May 9, 2003 - 02:49 pm:

I don't know what your decision will be, but I'm thinking that it would probably be easier on him to be held back this year, than to wait and have to be held back in 3rd or 4th grade. Kindergarten kids really aren't paying that much attention to who moves up to first grade and who doesnt. But, by 4th grade the other kids would really notice what was going on and also the new kids that he would be with may treat him as an outsider since they don't know him.

I'm not saying that if he's not held back this year that he will be for sure in 3rd or 4th grade. Just putting a little different perspective on things. ((((hugs)))) This is such a tough thing. I'm worried that we will go through this with my middle DD.

By Annie2 on Friday, May 9, 2003 - 03:06 pm:

We held our DD back last year in 1st grade. She just wasn't getting the material. (She is on the cusp of the final cut-off and her age). She was working twice as hard, for twice as long, than her classmates. She obtained good grades, but it was a struggle. At the time, I was a parent volunteer in my other dd's 2nd grade class. There was no way my little 1st grader would have been able to keep up with the work required of her if she was passed on.
She was sad at first. However I made sure she would have the same teacher and knew some kids who would be in her class.
This year she is a again getting good grades. But with out the struggle. More importantly she is confident and enjoys her work and the challenges she is faced.
I feel if we didn't hold her back she would have become so lost in her academics and frustrated with herself, we would have a whole other set of problem on our hands.
When she knew the decision was made and it was final, she actually seemed relieved.

By Trish_Ok on Monday, May 12, 2003 - 04:30 pm:

Just wanted to update everyone on where I'm at with this now! I did talk to the first grade teacher and we both agreed that we think he should go on to first grade and let her work with him. She also offered to tutor him over the summer so he will be more sure of himself next year. I think the teacher he had this year was not a positive person and you can definately tell by the attitude of some of her kids. She is intimidating and has broken the spirit of some (mine included) and it literally breaks my heart.
I took cupcakes into his classroom on Friday to celebrate his summer birthday. Toward the end of the period she had written numbers 5-100 by fives on the chalkboard. All the kids went through the numbers, some stuttered through them a little but no big deal. She got to my ds and and said, "Collin, do you want a partner for this?" I was livid. What kind of message does that give him?? She did not say this to ANY of the other kids. Just automatically assumed that he couldn't do it! He said no and got through the numbers just fine. When he did say the wrong number at one point she said, "Are you sure you don't want a partner?" UGHHHHHH No wonder the kid's confidence is suffering!!! So I think it would be best to get her away from this teacher and hope that next year will be better. If not, I'll hold him back in first but I have GOT to get him away from this teacher!! Thanks for letting me vent! I'm really enjoying this place!

By the way.......Happy Mom's Day to everyone! I hope you all had a good one!

By Feona on Tuesday, May 13, 2003 - 07:55 am:

Sounds like a smart decision. Gosh...

By Joan on Tuesday, May 13, 2003 - 09:18 am:

Here is my update....
My dh and I talked to the teacher last Thursday and decided to allow her to hold him in kindergarten again next year.
She said he is doing fine with numbers and rhyming, and sharing and playing well with others. He is actually doing fine in everything except his letters and sounds. He had his hearing checked through the school and that came back fine. He likes to sneak peaks at others papers during work time and copies what they have. He does'nt do this all the time but she seems to think his confidence is low. He is afraid to get it wrong so he copies. I never knew of my ds to have low confidence. That was a shock to me. The teacher is just afraid that if we advance him to first he will be lost when they start putting letters together to form words. I dont want him to struggle so we agreed.
My dh is okay with this now. But, his entire family thinks we are wrong to do it. We heard this from him parents and both siblings over Mothers day. This makes me mad that they can't be supportive. We are just doing what we think is best. Maybe we are wrong, maybe not. We just need the family to support us either way.

Thanks for all the advice above.

Mara

By Trish_Ok on Tuesday, May 13, 2003 - 12:30 pm:

Mara -
As long as you know in your heart that this is the right thing for your ds, nothing else matters. Some people don't realize that our education system is a lot different now than it used to be and the expectations they put on young kids are pretty high. My memories of kindergarten are that of finger painting, playing, stacking, colors etc. not reading and simple addition!! There are SO many people holding their kids back in the lower grades now that it's almost as if we're a minority if we don't. When you think about it, it really is sad that they are being pushed so hard. As parents it's hard enough to watch our kids grow up so fast then to send them to school and see them being pushed so hard doesn't make it any easier!!
(((((HUG))))) Good luck to you!!
Tricia

By Marcia on Tuesday, May 13, 2003 - 10:35 pm:

Does your school board offer a reading recovery program? It's an intense one on one program, and he would have a half hour of it a day. The teacher works on letters, sounds and reading. It really is an amazing program, with excellent results. It might be a good alternative, when it is his only are of need.

By Janet on Tuesday, May 13, 2003 - 10:45 pm:

{{{{{Mara}}}}

By Ginnyk on Wednesday, May 14, 2003 - 07:52 pm:

Mara, I know it was difficult, but I do think you made the right decision - see Annie2's post if you need reinforcement. I am so glad that you took the time to think this through and get as much information as you could, and work at making the decision based on what is best for your son. While he may well have very high confidence outside of the classroom, he could have low confidence there, and by giving him an opportunity to reinforce what is being taught and a chance to really, really "get it", you are helping him to build self confidence in his school abilities as well as his other, obvious abilities. I think in a couple of years you will look back and be really glad you did this.

By Vfran10488 on Wednesday, January 14, 2004 - 02:54 pm:

My girl twins are 5 and will be 6 at end of may. One of the teachers wants to hold one back due to socialization even though she is doing well academically. They are well liked at school but when it comes to individual playtime they prefer to only play with each other. I begged them to let them be in same class due to the severe closeness they have. The school would not allow it because they felt they were too close. They are both doing very well academically and the other teacher is not speaking of retaing other child. I do not feel this is a valid reason to retain one twin in Kindergarten. They children have not been to any preschool and have never been separated until this year. They seem to love shcool and the activities they have. I just cannot understand this. Please give me your advise. I have met with the principal and teachers and voiced my concerns. My children are very soft spoken and shy . I do not feel this is a personality trait that will be corrected by one repeating Kindergarten. They do talk about other children but just prefer each other's company. Help!

By Melanie on Wednesday, January 14, 2004 - 03:16 pm:

Welcome, Victoria!! You may want to make this a new post so that more people will click on it. We have several current and former teachers on this board and I am sure they will have wonderful words of wisdom for you.

My advise is to not think of her as part of a set. Her needs are individual. If she was a single child, would you be more open to her being retained? If you can honestly say that you would not see any reason for her to be held back, then you need to trust your instincts. I have seen kids retained for social issues only to have them put back into the more appropriate grade later because they matured in that area over the summer. If she is simply shy, that is a personality trait and holding her back won't change that. But if she is less mature than her classmates and it will be of benefit for her to be older in her class, then you need to do what is best.

I don't think that her preference to play with her sister is any cause for concern. Everything I have learned about twins says that is very common. I certainly wouldn't let that be a factor in the decision.

Good luck. Trust yourself and I am sure you will do what is best for you daughter.