I am looking for advice. I pick up my dd from preschool at 11:30 every morning. She is usually fine in the car on the way home but as soon as she walks in the door she is mean, disrespectful and out right rotten. I need suggestions on how to handle her. I send her to her room but that doesn't work. She already has lost tv until Saturday. I don't know what other options I have. Any suggestions would be helpful. TIA

By Colette on Wednesday, April 30, 2003 - 01:45 pm:

Maybe she just needs some time to wind down? My dd was like that at the begining of the year after kindergarten. I just leave her alone for about 1/2 hour and then she is fine.

By Mechelle on Wednesday, April 30, 2003 - 02:01 pm:

She tired and just need a nap??

By Susan10 on Wednesday, April 30, 2003 - 02:09 pm:

I agree with Colette. Let her unwind before asking too many questions or having her do chores or anything. However, being crabby is one thing, disrespect is another. Disrespect, I think, should never be tolerated. My personal opinion is taking things away isn't useful or necessary. A day later when she can't watch TV she isn't going to remember she was snotty and that's why she can't watch. I think this works: every single time she uses a mean tone of voice to you or says something disrespectful, you get RIGHT IN HER FACE and say, "You will NOT speak to me that way. I don't speak to you like that, and you will not do that to me." Or, "That is not an acceptable way to talk to me." She should know you mean business. If it's really bad, send her to her room. Then, after a little while, go in, say I love you, but let's not do that sassing stuff anymore. Then it's over.

By Dana on Wednesday, April 30, 2003 - 02:09 pm:

Are her classmates loud and unruly? Disorganized setting? You you generally pretty well scheduled?

Maybe she just does not like the chaos and cant figure out a release after getting home. Maybe she is just tired. Or maybe she just needs some transition time.

Try letting her listen to her music in her favorite place in the house. Then start your regular routine after 10 minutes or more.

Relaxation exercises for both of you on her return home? Maybe that will help you both...just time together in a quite way.

By Susan10 on Wednesday, April 30, 2003 - 02:14 pm:

I forgot to ask, is it the 3 year old, or 5 year old we're talking about. I think it makes a big difference. Cut more slack to the 3 year old.

By Semperspencer on Wednesday, April 30, 2003 - 03:25 pm:

My ds is in preschool, and sometimes acts the same way when we get home. Offer a fun snack, have her help you prepare it. Try a nap.
The best way I've found to deal with this is...when you pick her up, tell her mommy has something fun planned to do when we get home. Then spend twenty minutes or so as soon as you walk in doing something together...reading, coloring, a craft, etc....It would give her something to look forward to on the ride home and hopefully keep her in good spirits when she walks through the front door. Just make sure you follow through immediately. Don't "take care of a few things" first. LOL, this always drives my ds crazy!
I also take him to the playground/park once or twice a week when its not too hot/cold. You could also stop to have her rent a movie. Or stop for McDonalds ice cream...any small thing to keep her spirits high after a fun day at school.
The truth is she doesn't want to leave the excitement of school and go back to "boring" home, LOL! So think of something exciting and new to do EVERY day, something that would only take 20 minutes to an hour...
A nap may be in order also, keep that in mind.
I did the whole "sending him to his room" thing, I just found it to be a downward spiral, never achieved anything, and led to more bad attitudes and behavior problems. This isn't to say that she should get away with a negative attitude and bad behavior. Like Susan said in this case, get down on her level, look her straight in the eye, and say VERY STERNLY..."you will NOT talk to me this way/behave this way.."
Hope some of this helps...it has worked for me and my 4 year old ds...good luck!

By Dana on Wednesday, April 30, 2003 - 04:24 pm:

Good point about being bored! That makes total sense.

By Mommyathome on Thursday, May 1, 2003 - 06:49 pm:

We haven't had this problem yet (knock on wood ) but IMO I don't think that taking away favorite things for an extended period of time is useful either. Especially if your DD is so young. I actually ditto most everything Susan said. We do not allow disrespectful behavior in our house and my kids know it. They know they won't get away with it.

I like the idea of letting her relax and unwind a bit when she gets home. Maybe make it her special time where she can go to her room and listen to her own music and look over her school work to see what she did that day. More often than not, once she starts looking through her stash of papers, there will be something really cool that she will want to show you. Then maybe she'll come out in a happy mood because she wants to show you something she did. HTH

By Marymary on Friday, May 2, 2003 - 11:28 am:

Our son Alden who is (4) was pretty much like that during the first part of the school year, I kept in constant contact with the teacher and asked for regular updates...she figured he was bored, as he already knew most of what they are doing....could it be that she doesn't have time to eat her lunch completely, maybe her electrolyte level is low...sometimes our son falls asleep on the school bus on the 30 minute ride home.....perhaps she is too young for preschool..ours also has to do with his day (if something traumatic happenned) that maybe the teacher didn't see, problem with peers picking on her...those sort of things...we also have to content with (problems on the bus)...anyway.check it out, ask lots of questions...and use your judgement

By Paulas on Saturday, May 3, 2003 - 04:49 pm:

You have received some great advice so I'm not sure if I could add any thing more useful. One suggestion...how far away is the preschool? Now that the weather is nice, maybe you could walk home and have a picnic. I agree that it could be the shift from an exciting environment with friends to home alone with mom.

Good luck