I know this subject sometimes causes heated arguments. But.... for those that let their kids sleep with them, what age has your kids decided that they want to sleep in their own room??

My daughter is 6 and an only child. She loves to sleep with me, usually my husband ends up going to another bed. I actually like her to sleep with us and my husband is fine with it. I feel like I get to spend more time with her and we love to snuggle. She also was born with a genetic disorder called Glycogen Storage Disease and a symptom of it is not being able to control her blood sugar (tendancy to get very low). After she was diagnosed at 17 months old we had an episode where she became ill in the night and we did not know it. Her blood sugar was extremely low and was very lethargic, she ended up in the hospital for a week. Since that time she has slept in our room, sometimes with us, sometimes in another bed in our room. I also get up in the night to give her medicines to maintain her blood sugar, so it is very convenient for me to have her next to me.

I know I am a paranoid mother, but I love the closeness we have and we all can sleep better knowing that she is okay.

I guess what I really want to know is how will it have an affect her. She is a very secure (except for the thunderstorms) and pretty much independant kid. I know she will eventually want her own space but until then we are content with her being with us.

Please don't flame me for this one.

Melinda

PS - Thanks for the welcome. This is a great parenting board.

By Sunny on Friday, April 25, 2003 - 12:33 pm:

I can understand wanting to stay close. That must have been a very scary experience for you when she was hospitalized.

My kids all slept with us until they were 2-3 yrs old. I started putting them in their beds at night, but they would wake up and come into our bed. They eventually stopped by the time they reached school age, although my 5 (almost 6 y/o) will still come into our bed if he gets scared or is sick. I also have the advantage of a nursery door between my room and the middle bedroom, so I can keep a close eye on the younger ones and we are still in our "own" rooms. That door will eventually be either permanently shut or covered, but not until my youngest gets older.

I'm guessing she'll start to want her own space soon (in the next few years), so I'd keep her own room ready for her when she makes that decision. It might be harder for you than her when it eventually happens, but it will probably be an easy transition.

By Semperspencer on Friday, April 25, 2003 - 02:35 pm:

I don't really see anything wrong with this. One day she will want her privacy and this will come to an end.

By Tonya on Friday, April 25, 2003 - 02:39 pm:

If everyone in your house is OK go with it until someone is not. She wil lwant her own space pretty soon as will you and DH need you private time. But with a scare like you had I would be parinoid too. She will change soon and you will be wishing she was still with you.

By Susan10 on Friday, April 25, 2003 - 04:27 pm:

I'm trying to be very objective, because you're right, this is a hot topic. I just want to ask, why do you feel you should wait until SHE decides she wants to move out of your room?

Anyway, objectively speaking, I just asked my officemate, who was a nanny for a couple whose 2 daughters shared their bed and/or room until the kids were 10 or 11 if the kids turned out ok, and she said they seemed to be fine, well-adjusted kids. On the other side, my sister has a friend whose daughter was a real terror, an only child, who never wanted to sleep in her own room and they had a real problem with her throwing fits and stuff. She's now a spoiled, messed up kid, but it may be she would have been like that even if she hadn't slept with them till she was 8. As you can probably tell, my personal opinion is now is the time to start initiating a move, but I admit I'm biased. I think this is a decision you as parents should make. You decide when she should take a bath and clean her room and do her homework, and I think when she goes to her own bed.

It sounds like I'm in the minority here, but I don't see that there's any guarantee she'll wake up one day and say, "I want to try sleeping in my own room." Like I said, these other kids were in their parent's room till age 10 or 11. I guess the parents didn't mind, so that worked for them. Are you willing to wait? Is it a good idea? My SIL, who's a therapist, said she knows of people whose kids have the screaming, crying, throwing up fits when the parents decide they want their room back. Obviously that doesn't happen to everyone, especially if you're willing to wait for however long it takes.

One more thing, sorry…If my husband ended up going to another bed, while my daughter slept with me, I don't think my marriage would last. So the bottom line is, I have no idea, you just have to listen to people I guess, keep what makes sense to you, throw out what doesn't, and use your own judgment.

By Jenn on Friday, April 25, 2003 - 05:09 pm:

This is a good topic to discuss. Jessica who is 4 is still with me. A lot has to do with her having the breathing problems. We also have a nebulizer next to the bed. Because she has the sleep apnea, asthma, resputory problems, and who knows what else right now(she is in the process of a lot of testing), I want her with me. Chad who is 2 showed that he wanted to move out. He would wake up during the night and leave us to go be in his bed. We got him a full size bed and he sleeps in there now. As far as DH and mine marriage, we do not have any problems at all with the kids. We decided when we had Jessica we wanted to practice attached parenting. There are times that DH does sleep with Chad because he wants to be close to him. The kids usually go to bed pretty early and then him and I have our alone time. We put them to bed between 8-9 and we will stay up until 11-12. The way we have done things works for us, but it may not work for others.

By Kaye on Friday, April 25, 2003 - 06:20 pm:

When my oldest child was 3, I asked my doc if I should worry that she still shares our bed. Her response was "it is time for a c hild to move into their own bed when any of the parties is unhappy with the situation". So if all three of you are okay with it, then I wouldn't change a thing. My three are now 9,7,5. My 9 year old moved out at about 4, my 7 year old quit sharing our bed pretty early on, but would sneak into our room often, that quit all together when he was almost 5. My now five year old is pretty content in our room. We decided it has been a long time since we had our own bed and initiated a move. We re did his room and did the whole sticker chart thing. he now goes to bed in his own bed, but ends up in ours every night ( okay 6 out of 7 nights..lol). I am sure this too shall pass! If you get to point that you maybe want some space (not intamcy..lol), maybe you could put a cot by your bed and let her sleep there.

By Beth on Friday, April 25, 2003 - 08:40 pm:

I can't really relate here because my kids have always slept in there own beds. I started them out that way because that was something that was important to me. Obviously it is different in your household. I don't think either approach is right or wrong. It is what works for the family. The only thing I thought of was I would be careful letting your daughter hear your reasons behind having her in the room. If she hears that you fear for her safety. She may never want to sleep on her own. I am sure you don't tell her this you just now how kids overhear things sometimes we don't intend for them to. Good luck in what ever you decide.

By Palmbchprincess on Friday, April 25, 2003 - 10:49 pm:

I'm with Beth, I really have no advice because my kids have slept in their own room since they were 1 month old. (They'll be a year in June) I tried having my son sleep in my bed with me last monday, because he was having breathing problems, and all he did was climb all over me, and ended up in the playpen next to my bed. If this works for you, I guess that's ok. But I agree with Susan when she pointed out the DH sleeping in the other room thing, that would destroy our marriage really quick. Since you've had her in the room this long, I guess you have worked that out with your DH, but I would say it's time to get her own room. JMHO!

By Mommyathome on Saturday, April 26, 2003 - 12:11 am:

My DK's have never been allowed to sleep with us. They've been in their own rooms since 8 weeks of age. I like it that way. They know where they belong, and they know where I'm at if they need me.

I could see why you would be nervous due to your DD's medical condition. My DD had a temporary medical condition that stressed me at night too. We just made sure we had monitors hooked up and checked on her quite a bit.

I would also re-think the DH sleeping in a different bed because DD is with you. He may feel like your choosing DD over him which may cause problems later on. JMHO

Also I'm curious as to when you and DH find time to *be alone* without DD in the bed. I know if one of my DK's were in the same room as us, there would be no hanky panky going on lol. But, I suppose night time isn't the only time for stuff like that huh.

Good luck to you and DD and DH. As long as things are working out for the three of you is what's important.