3 of my dks attend elementary school. My ds eats lunch at 10:50 am. The other K classes eat within the same 1/2 hr. He gets off the bus at 2:00 and we eat dinner between 5:30 and 6:15, most evenings. I give all of my kids a snack afterschool...it varies from day to day but a typical snack would be a brownie with apple slices, a cheese stick with cheese crackers etc.
About an hour later they will ask for another small snack which I provide, maybe a lollipop, a popsicle, banana slices with oj on top, etc. This keeps them running and can wait for dinner, even if it is late.
The problem comes in with my ds's two friends, they are twins. One or two of them are playing here sometime afterschool, maybe three times a week or on the weekends. They live a few houses down from us. Their mom does not give them a snack afterschool. They have told me they ask her but she says "NO", they can't have one. I think this is true, because most times they come to the house right after the bus drops them off, no possible time for them to eat anything.
I'm tired of feeding them all of the time. My son has never eaten anything at their house. Should I have them wait outside while my son has a snack, ask the mom if she feeds her kids snacks?....I'm at a loss. The kids are not deprived of food, they look well nurioushed but are hungry for a snack afterschool.
What should I do?

By Susan10 on Wednesday, March 26, 2003 - 08:40 pm:

I would give them a snack. It's just another annoying thing I think you have to put up with when you have kids friends come over. Another one is what my sister calls "dumping", when the neighbor kids constantly get dumped at your house. This happens to me a lot, but I just let it go. I end up feeding the other kids, too. I figure at least they're at my house and I know where everyone is and what they're doing and what they're eating, too. I wouldn't make a big deal. I like to not make waves, unless it's something big. Otherwise it opens the door for everyone to start complaining about each other. Also, it teaches your kids to be generous, not to single kids out, etc.

By Mechelle on Wednesday, March 26, 2003 - 10:05 pm:

I agree with Susan,
No matter what, I always feed a child when I am feeding mine, (especially a snack)
At least an offer, plus as Susan said, it teaches your kids to be generous, and not to single out kids.

By Joan on Wednesday, March 26, 2003 - 11:48 pm:

My dk haven't been through this yet. My oldest is in kindergarden and youngest is 3. But, just wanted to say this. I had a childhood friend that lived about a block from my home. I used to walk to her house to play and during snack time or any meal times the mother had me sit on the stairs in their hallway until they were done! This made me feel so bad. They would let me in and I could hear them but I wasn't allowed to join in. If I ever had to use the restroom I was told to go home to do it. Mind you this was a block away from my home! I don't think I could make a child feel that way after having it done to me.

By Beth on Thursday, March 27, 2003 - 01:15 am:

Why not just have the rule that no friends until at least a half hour or hour after school. This would give your dk's time to eat. Also would give you some time to spend alone with your dk's right after school. I could see where this would be annoying everyday and get exspensive. I do remeber though a family used to babysit us it was several teenagers and kids my age. They would eat in front of us and make a big deal about it if we asked for a snack to. So if the kids have to be there I would let them join in. I agree with Joan on that part it always made us feel bad.

By Annie2 on Thursday, March 27, 2003 - 02:05 pm:

Thanks, ladies. I have been feeding them and I will continue to do so....with my happy face on The kids don't annoy me, it's the idea that the mom doesn't give them a snack which gets under my skin. They may not have an abundance of extra money, but a box of saltines and peanut butter can go a long way.

By Vicki on Thursday, March 27, 2003 - 02:13 pm:

Well, let me be a different voice here....Have you checked with the mom as to if they are allowed to have a snack after school??? My dd does not have after school snacks either. I found that if she did, she would not eat a good dinner at all. So I have kind of switched things around. We now have dinner very soon after she gets home from school. Usually around 4:30 and she gets home about 4. She does homework while I finish up dinner and then we eat. She then has a snack about 8pm before bed. She might be having the same situation with her kids. I would just ask her about it.

By Annie2 on Friday, March 28, 2003 - 02:38 pm:

Vicki, your right. I probably should ask her. But I don't want to stir up any problems if I don't have to. This mom tends to fly off the handle pretty quikly at people whom she thinks is judging her or her kids.
The timing is different here, though. The kids get home at 2 and the mom doesn't call them home for dinner until 5:30-6:00. The kids eat lunch before 11:30 am. That seems like an awful long time for a 5 year old to go without something to eat in my opinion. It's also sort of an unwritten rule in the neighborhood, with the other families, at least, that no snacks are given out around meal times; unless the parents are asked first. We all eat around the same time. Maybe I am making a mountain out of a molehill, it just seems weird to me.

By Susan10 on Friday, March 28, 2003 - 03:58 pm:

Annie, you are right a)not to stir up problems with a woman who flies off the handle, and b)it is weird to expect a kid to go that long without eating. My sister-in-law used to be obsessed with not giving her kids snacks between meals, and I really felt sorry for them. Now that they're bigger, that "no snacks" stuff went out the window.