Opinions Wanted

Moms View Message Board: Parenting Discussion: Archive January-June 2003: Opinions Wanted

I may be opening a can of worms here...??...

My two DD's have been doing pageants since they were babies. They are ages 3 and 4 now. I've received mostly positive feedback from others when they find out that we are involved with pageants. Of course there are a few that would like to spoil our fun. We aren't into the high glitz and glamour pageants.

Just wondering what your opinions are on girls in pageants.

By Karen55 on Tuesday, March 4, 2003 - 10:28 pm:

Robin, I can honestly say I have very mixed feelings on this.

I guess the biggest question in my mind is why are they doing pageants? Is it for the fun, the recognition, possible scholarship money? Are you hoping this will lead somewhere, like possibly television commercials, talent searches, etc.? Are they enjoying this, or is this something that you are enjoying, for them?

The main problem I have with pageants is that too many kids (and parents) identify themselves with the *beauty* aspect. I've known some kids who did pageants. One of them absolutely hated it and her mom put her in every one she could find. The child is a beautiful teenage girl, smart, and a very gifted dancer. But I think her mom wanted her to win all the pageants and *beauty* contests for HER, her daughter couldn't have cared less about them.

I guess where I'm going with this is: Girls, particularly teenage girls, have enough trouble with body image and self esteem and their feelings of self worth. And how could they not, with all the makeup ads, clothing ads, pretty much everything that is advertised, focusing on slim, beautiful girls. I think they need to feel confident and valued for who they are, their whole person, their intelligence, talents, honesty, loyalty, goals, dreams, ambitions, *who* they really are; not just because they have a pretty face and can sing or dance.

Please don't take offense, I'm not saying they shouldn't be in pageants, just that if they are, they should be doing it for the *right* reasons, and not because that makes them who they are.

By Mommyathome on Tuesday, March 4, 2003 - 10:59 pm:

Of course, Karen...I completely agree with you. 100%

We started the pageant for fun, then it lead to scholarship money/savings bonds. Now, we just can't stop! The girls love it. They probably love it more than I do. The main pageant that we are affiliated with is one that includes a look into the girls life including their goals, dreams, ambitions, intelligence, talents etc.

I think the best thing my girls have learned is self confidence. They have become very motivated, outgoing individuals.

I've been asked to join a panel discussion on the topic, which is why I'm asking for opinions. Just wanted another idea about what is going to be thrown my way! Thanks for the input

I accidentally posted this same conversation on the general discussion page....having a blonde moment I guess. Sorry for the double post !

By Familyman on Tuesday, March 4, 2003 - 11:04 pm:

I have to ask why? I find it hard to believe that any child under the age of 5 would have a strong desire to be in a pagent. Even at that age I wonder what it's teaching them. My wife has a frend that grew up doing pagents. She's now in her mid 20's and is stuck still trying to win that one big pagent. She can't get past the fact that she has much more to offer the world that her beauty. My cousin was in them at a young age (2-6 years old) Although she was and still is a really nice young lady she was never going to win based on beauty. We watched my aunt throw dollar after dollar to attending these pagents and bringing home ribbons. In the end my cousin learned that she wasn't pretty enough. I'm not sure she's completely over that and her brothers still resent the fact that their mom dropped all that money on the pagents when they needed new clothes and shoes at the time.
Since you asked I think they're wrong for kids certaily below their teen years. At that point if they are competing for something like scholarship money that will be used to advance their lives then good. Teaching them that standing there and looking pretty is a bad thing. I know there's often more to the pagents but these are the feelings I have.

By Ginnyk on Wednesday, March 5, 2003 - 04:36 am:

When you say "Of course there are a few that would like to spoil our fun." you make your opinion very clear, but I do wonder how much "fun" your dds are having. I don't think children of that age should be competing for anything, and certainly not on appearance/"beauty", which is the only way most kids less than 12 or 13 could be competing. I wonder, do your dds really enjoy the standing around, waiting, getting ready, not being able to run around and play and maybe get messed up while they are waiting, standing in front of crowds of strangers to find out if they are pretty enough to win? And what does it say to the little girls who aren't "pretty" enough to win but whose parents keep entering them and making them compete? How do your dds feel on the occasions when they don't win?

I agree with Karen and Familyman that this gives the message that appearance is the most important thing, and I think that is a really bad message to give to any child, especially girls. Appearance is, by and large, something we are born with and not something we can change to any great extent (all the commercials aside). How is it "winning" anything to be judged better than another person because of the God given accident of appearance? And what does it say to a child about what is her most important value?

By Jenn on Wednesday, March 5, 2003 - 08:34 am:

I do a local pageant with my daughter every year on Easter. It isn't a big pageant, but it's a lot of fun. We both get to dress up and go on stage and all the children get ribbons and some do get trophies. I have been doing this since she was a baby and I really enjoy doing this with her. She looks at it as a day to be pretty, spend the day with mommy and grandmom, we get to hunt for easter eggs, and we get to see the easter bunny. Jess loves to get her trophies, but I have told her that everyone is a winner and we are going to there to have her pictures done with the easter bunny and have fun. My DH's aunt is into politics and she would love for me to get my DD involved in a lot of pageants, but I won't because I see so many little girls that are tired or they don't want to do this or that and the parents get upset with them. I did pageants and the modeling growing up, where I had a lot of fun doing it. I did stop when I was the preteen age because that was when my mom realized I was starting to be worried about my figure(I started to take the diet pills) and looks and she didn't like the message that was given to me. My best advice is to listen to your DD's and never pressure them to do anything and good luck with the pageants.

By Mommyathome on Wednesday, March 5, 2003 - 11:19 pm:

Thanks Jenn

Familyman and GinnyK thanks for your posts also. The pageant we do isn't based strictly on beauty. It also involves talent, personality, interview skills etc. And, yes, my DD's love the pageant season. They get so excited to be on the stage and talk into the microphone. They love getting ready and spending a girls day out. It's quickly becoming a tradition with us. I suppose if time after time my DD's were not winning, that I may look at things different. If they ever decide they don't like it, then we won't do it. But they love it and look forward to it so we continue on.

BTW both pageant systems that we are in award every girl with a special award. Only one receives the big trophy and crown and money, but each and every girl receives a smaller trophy along with a special award. It makes everyone feel special

By Jodes on Thursday, March 6, 2003 - 01:13 pm:

When I was little, my sister and I were in several beauty pageants. I remember for a short time really enjoying them, mostly cause I just loved being the center of attention and being up on stage. But, as soon as I became old enough to realize what it was all about, which was at age 9, I told my parents I didn't want to be in anymore, and that was the end of it. I really have no opinion on parents who put their children in pageants, I guess as long as the parent isn't pushing the child, and the child is genuinly enjoying themself, then it's fine.

By Truestori on Friday, March 7, 2003 - 10:58 am:

My true feeling about this whole issue stands as follows: More times than not moms are trying to live their life through their kids! My daughter is beautiful, of course she is my daughter..lol
Anyway, plenty of people have asked why she isn't in modeling? She is 10 years old, blonde, blue~eyes and stands 5 foot 4 inches tall!
My reasoning: I don't want her to feel like beauty is her only asset! JMHO
I also feel like these pagents are a waste of money. All children are beautiful, talented and smart. How the heck can you judge a baby? Never understood that.

By Susan10 on Saturday, March 8, 2003 - 12:09 am:

I think pageants are a regional thing. If you come from an area where they're common, it's not a big thing. But if you are in an area where they aren't as accepted, people don't like the idea. (BTW, did anyone read the Jonbenet Ramsey parent's book? They talk about how it was common to do pageants in the south, where they're from, but when they moved to Colorado, people had something against the family because of the pageants.) Anyway, being from So. Cal. I have to say I pretty much agree with Familyman, but can see there are others who feel differently, and their kids seem to have fun. I guess you have to just go with your instincts.