I'm having my Ds tested for ADD
Moms View Message Board: Parenting Discussion: Archive January-June 2003:
I'm having my Ds tested for ADD
UGHHHHHHGGGHHHHHH!!
I'm ready to scream!
I don't know how much more I can handle just today.
I don't understand my son sometimes.
He's hyper, won't listen, gets all the kids riled up when he's around.
My day goes fine {BTW they are all outta school today}
until he gets up and outta bed. The kids are playing nicely, listen, no fighting, no bickering, tattleing, nothing. Peaceful and quite. With 7 kids!! Then the 8th walks into the picture, and all heck breaks loose.
I try, and try to reason with him, calm him down, and it dosen't matter. Goes right in one ear and out the other.
He only does this when there are a group of kids here. Days off outta school, and snow days. I dread these days, I know how it's gonna be.
Every once in a while he'll act up when it's just him and Abbie, not very often.
I've posted about him before being this way, after school got back in, I was fine, blew it off, his hyperness dwindled.
Now I am back to square one. Ready to strangle him.
I asked him if this was for attention, cause Mom is busy. He said no. He knows I am busy, he loves to play with the other kids. But they won't do as he says. I have explained time and time again, it's not what he says, cause this is his house, they have to reason and take turns with each others rules, if not they will go by "Michelle's Rules".
I've asked his Doc. about it before, she took a questionaire on him, he passed, she said he didn't need meds ( I don't want to put him on medication) but he dosen't have ADD or ADHD.
So I think it is time again to go.
I'd love to know why he acts this way when there are other kids around......I'm ready to pull out my hair, and whats left of his!! LOL!! It isn't funny.
Anyone else going through, been through what I am with Chris??
I need someone who has been, or is going through this, walk me through it.
Does it get better?
Or does it get only worse?
I sure thought it was his age. Maybe I was wrong.
He's 8 yrs old. IMO he should be out of acting a fool and etc.
It's nap time here now (time for me to gather my thoughts) LOL....if I can.......
He's definatley not sleeping (not expected,) but I told him he will lay down, and watch tv in his room until the other kids are awake.
I only have 7 today, I don't want to imagine, if my other 3 would have been here too..............
Does he have problems with his grades. I went thru this all of my 13 yr old ds's life. I finally stopped thinking he would grow out of it and took him to the MD, he said from every thing I stated it sounded like ADHD and best way to find out was to try the medicine and see what happens. That has been 3 months ago and it is absolutely amazing, he is now a "B" student and a whole lot calmer. I was one of those die hard moms that thought it was wrong to medicated your child, but now that I have I feel really bad for all the times I punished him for his grades and behavior when it wasn't his fault. It is real scarey when you think about medicating your child b/c I didn't want to change who he was or alter his personality, I just needed to be able to see he was in more control of his behavior. My MD put him on Adderall, we started out on 5mg 2 times aday, finally have the right dose at 10mg 2 times a day. I have chosen not to give it to him on the weekends b/c it has affected his appitite, so he really eats everything in the house. I do think his eating is getting better now that he has been on it for a while, I just remind him he has to make his self eat . I do hope you find the right answers for your ds. God Bless
Sounds like a house full of kids is too much for him. Too much commotion and it overwhelms him. Is he normally an introvert? Does he prefer to play by himself and do quiet things as opposed to being very sociable and outgoing? How is he doing in school? I've been reading...
Raising Your Spirited Child: A Guide for Parents Whose Child Is More Intense, Sensitive, Perceptive, Persistent, and Energetic
by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka
It has been a real eye opener on how spirited/challenging kids think and behave.
An AD/HD diagnosis isn't made from a doctor taking a questionnaire. It's a long process of evaluations done by a team of people: parents, pediatrician, school staff, child psychologist/someone who specializes in this area). After all the testing is done the team meats and discusses the results. Sorry, I can't remember if the school did any testing or not.
{{{Mechelle}}}
OH MAN! My brain is definitely not working clearly today! LOL! That should be...
"After all the testing is done the team meets and discusses the results."
Oops, forgot this.
Lots of info about AD/HD here
http://www.chadd.org/
Is it possible that he is jealous of the attention that the other kids get from you?
He's an straight A kid. He's a whiz kid. His teacher calls him *Her little Genius*
Nope it's not b/c of his grades.
He prefers to play alone. He's the type of 1-2 friends.He goes hay wire if you get him around a bunch of kids.
He can be quite when he wants to be, but when the mood strikes him, Oh Lordy!!
It's not jealously. They ask me everyday "Is day care coming Mom?" I say "No" I get this "Oh MAN!! Now I'm gonna be bored all day. All I have to play with is Abbie, and she won't play right." So that there tells me it's not the day care kids that is causing the problem. He's been this way since age 3. I figured it would dwindle away with time. So far, it hasn't.
I don't want to put him on meds, I've seen too many kids, they have to *test* this med, and try this one, and this one, and so on til they find that right medication to fit his needs. I don't want his personality affected, I dont want mood swings, all I want is for him to *chill*........Let me have a peace of mind right along with him. He does great by himself. But there is another factor, I don't want to keep him in his room all day, unti day care leaves, thats cruel (IMO) and I won't do that, some days I have to though. I've talked to him about this until "I'm blue in the face" nothing works. He might calm down a little, and there he goes again.
I've gotta do something. I can't handle much more of this. I don't want to be a Grouch towards any kids.
Why not find a compromise. If he truly needs down time, then having him play in his room isn't cruel.
Oh believe me Jann LOL!! I point my finger up towards the ceiling.......he knows where to go, especially with the look on my face, not to push the issue any further. And to his room he goes!
What I meant was, I don't want to make him stay in his room, all day everytime when day care is here....Thats not letting him have the social skills that he needs. To me this is a no end situation.
I'm really, really dreading this Summer.
About July, I start counting down the days until school starts back up.
Trina thanks for the link, if I can purchase that book, I will be buying it!!!!!!
Barbie, I didn't mean to ignore your post, (I'm in 2 different worlds right now LOL).......IF
meds are the only way out to peace then I will have to try something low dosage.
He dosen't really act up at school his teacher has said, just boys will be boys is all she has said, he's never been *in trouble* yet this year. (amazingly for him!!)
I agree, Jann. Another option would be to have him visit a friend on days like that OR have a friend come over and the two of them can play in his room. If the over stimulation sets him off you can prevent it by giving him down time to recharge or by looking for other options to avoid those situations. The book I mentioned above is good at explaining all this.
LOL, we must have been typing at the same time!
The key is to give him those outlets (to recharge/down time) before he loses control.
Hmmm, Summer.... Does your community have a recreation center that provides swimming lessons, day camps, etc?? That would be a good outlet for him so that he wouldn't be home with the daycare kids all the time. Just brainstorming here and trying to help you out. May not even be an option for you.
My 9 year old dd behaves in much the same way. We have discussed hyperactivity with her ped and they did not feel that it applied. She does NOT act this way at school just when she is in her own environment. (As a matter of fact when we first started going to parent/teacher conferences we had to ask if they were certain they were talking about our dd!!). This past weekend has been very bad for us here as well. Dh and I went out to dinner and a movie on Friday and the sitter called us just as we were finishing dinner and asked us to come home because our 9 year old was "bouncing off the walls" and when she was asked to calm down she picked a verbal fight with the sitter. I have 4 children 9, 6,5 and 3 and it just amazes me that out of all of them I need to worry about how my 9 (almost 10) year old will behave when we leave her with a sitter.
I wish I had some answers for you but I don't just a lot of sympathy!! I think I will go to the library tonight and look for the book Trina recommended. If you read it as well let me know what you think and if anything worked for you.
I really hope everything turns out well. I'm sorry you an DS are going through this. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts, let us know how things work out.
Mommyof4, this is where things get interesting! One of the first things the book wants you to figure out is if your child is an introvert or extrovert. Introverts recharge their batteries by being alone or doing quiet things. Extroverts recharge by doing social activities. If they don't get these opportunities they become overwhelmed and lose control. My DD is into lots of trouble at home but does well in school and social settings. Therefore, according to the book, she's an extrovert. I've found what they've said to be true. If she has school or gymnastics or some sort of social activity she has an OK day, but if we stay home and she doesn't have a social outlet watch out! The problem is the rest of us in the family are introverts and like to be homebodies. LOL! I'm only half way through the book... Oops, dinner is buzzing....
I understand he is driving you crazy. But if he is doing well in school, and the teacher says he attends, I would try to read the book Trina recommends:
Raising Your Spirited Child: A Guide for Parents Whose Child Is More Intense, Sensitive, Perceptive, Persistent, and Energetic
by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka
To try to keep him off the medication. The doctors used to give the Valium to the Mothers of young boys. Now they treat the boys for ADD.
Isn't the drugs used mainly when the school presures the parents to use it?
My Son would be an Extrovert.
I will be buying this book very soon like!
There is social activities that he can do this Summer. But they cost way too much money for me to be able to afford him to go. There is swimming, but he dosen't know how to swim....When they have lessons, I have to work, and I can't drag 8 kids with me to take and pick him up for lessons. (wish I could)
Day care sometimes gets in the way, but thats my job, and I don't regret it.
When he's in baseball he seems to do much better.
He's not as hyper, he seems to bea able to get all that xtra energy out.
Me and Dh were talking earlier, he just goes nuts, when kids are here. He wants to be the center of attention, and he acts silly to be that.
He acts like he hasn't seen people in 10 years, bouncing off the walls.
Mommyof4. I will be reading this book. Or buying it soon. Maybe we can walk each other through this, and find the options to take, hate that anyone has to go through this, but then again, I am glad someone else is going through this, I don't feel alone. KWIM??
He's fine now, Day care is gone, he's been quite as ever. I dont know about this boy sometimes! LOL
Why don't you buy him a rebounder? He can work off lots of energy plus you could use it with your daycare kids.
I ordered that book off of Amazon!
Jann, what is a rebounder? LOL! Stupid question....I have never heard of that one...got an idea going through my mind though! Hoping it's not what I think it is! rofl~
a mimi trampoline
http://www.oshmans.com/product/index.jsp?productId=946130
Ohhhhh ok!! LOL! I wont say what I thought it was.......I feel really stupid now!! LOL
We had one before, it's not big enough for him,{he says} he likes the big trampolines, the one you can do flips on,(break your neck if your not careful) he says these kind are boring Can't please em I swear!!
Thanks for the link, and the idea
I saw that someone suggested a book Raising Your Spirited Child. That book changed my entire relationship with my son. It didn't solve his behavior but it helped me to understand him better. This book gives great ideas on how to help you help your child to see the things that set him off. It also shows you where these attributes that drive you nuts will benifit him as an adult. Anyway...It is the book that has helped my situation the most and I highly reccomend it. I bought it when my son was 3 and he is now 8. I have read the book many times for different struggles at different ages.
Mechelle... wow I feel like we have so so so much in common... day care and boys!! We have four children the youngest is the only boy. He is 11 and I had him tested for ADHD/ADD last August. He literally runs his sisters out of rooms just to pass the time. He has a horrible time making friends and rarely are the boys that will hang out with him the kind of kids I want him hanging around. He has night terrors two or three nights a week and I am the one up half the night worried sick. The therapist that did the testing (4 hours of real tests) said he has the ability to control himself and it is just up to us (new mom really!) to make him do it. She suggested strict rules and consequences for his actions. The days school is out or the idea of summer just terrify me! He has a paper route (small town america here!) after school specifically so he isn't bothering my day care children and me. Originally he loved it and was so focused on it I was amazed but now 15 months later he wants to quit. I couldn't handle the mental strain if he was home every night from 3:30- 5 without something to do. He can't seem to stay interested in ANY project long enough to complete it and usually demands Dad or I are working along side him.
Now I have to get check out the books everyone has suggested!!
Good luck and stay SANE!
M'Kala
OK Now I have read all the posts and definately I WANT THE BOOK NOW TOO! I did read a book the first summer I was "mom" to Jakob that helped alot. I will have to find it online and get the exact title. It was written as an answer to parents who choose NOT to do Ritalin. Jakobs biological mother was a manic depressive (or so they say) who started on drugs (legal and illegal) while breastfeeding him. She committed suicide when he was 3 y/o so I have always attributed the majority of his behavior problems to the past. The child therapist we went to said that isn't the case... except that Jakob has NEVER had to conform to the real world because of his past. He doesn't know everything about his mom but everyone in his life has and I think they all made excuses and over looked his behavior. As soon as I came into his life the entire family couldn't believe what a different child he was... but still not near where he should be socially.
Another problem I think we have is the boys are VERY BRIGHT so in turn I don't think that anyone can see the problem. Jakobs teachers have always said he is incredibly intelligent but still they can't keep him busy. I was wrong before when I said he doesn't focus.. he does but usually completes the task so quickly he needs twice the attention. The school has given him jobs to do in the classroom to keep him from pestering the other students but that is a full time job for any teacher in my opinion.
I feel like I am banging my head against a stone wall most days too.
Thanks to everyone who wrote to Mechelles problems... you are helping me too!
M'Kala
M'kala,
WOW!! I sat here shaking my head as I read your post. WE DO have LOTS in common. A lot of what you said about your son, I seen a lot of my son too.
He has a horrible time making friends and rarely are the boys that will hang out with him the kind of kids I want him hanging around. This is Chris too.
The days school is out or the idea of summer just terrify me! <--- this is ME!!
Another problem I think we have is the boys are VERY BRIGHT so in turn I don't think that anyone can see the problem. Jakobs teachers have always said he is incredibly intelligent but still they can't keep him busy. This is my son too!
Hopefully we can go through this *tragic mental strain* together.....and maybe we all can find peace of mind.
Did you order the book today? I am running through all the online book stores today to see what else is available.
I am taking a "Love & Logic" parenting course for my day care inservice hours starting next week. I pretend it is all for day care hours but in all actuality I need someone to tell me what to do with Jake.
Everyone I talk to who has raised boys tell me how simple boys are compared to girls but I am just not seeing it. I had nephews (now 25 and 23) around all the time when I was a teenager/young adult and I never saw the same behavior in them I see in Jakob.
Definately keep me posted on your progress. Is there a way to share email addresses on this site?
M'Kala
You can share email address. Just ask whoever you want to email, if you can send one.
I keep mine in my profile, so that way whoever may need to talk to me or whatever can email me anytime.
Yes I ordered the book off of Amazon..........I went the *used* route, and I paid $11.25 after shipping and etc for the book. It was orginally $7.25, but had to add on shipping.....I haven't got through much of it. Just the first two chapters. I see my son already in this book.
I am new but my daugter is 8 now and when she was Kindergarten we had her diagnosed with ADHD and ODD. (Oppositional Defiant Disorder). I work in the medical profession and was hesitant to medicate however it was the BEST thing that ever happened to her and us. She takes it 12 months/7days. The school initiated a team to evaluate her, then the pediatrician and finally a psychologist. We also had to rule out medical problems such as eye sight and hearing. She was being physcially abusive to her younger sister to the point that we worried about her safety. It had become a social issue at school and she didn't have any friends. We started on Adderall and Clonidine. The clonidine helps her to fall asleep at night. I was lucky because my pediatrician also has an ADHD child. The whole family also entered into counseling with a child psychologist. We learned so many techniques and it has made a world of difference in everyone's life. We recently had to enroll her in some resource room for her math and reading but it isn't a matter of intelligence...she just can't concentrate. The best way we can explain it is a Wet Paint Sign or a Fire Alarm on a wall. We would walk by and say to ourselves..I wonder if it is really wet or I wonder what it would be like to pull that lever but we know it wrong and go on. An ADHD child is too impulsive and will touch the paint or pull the alarm and then immediately know it was wrong but they couldn't control their impulses. That's why when you confront them with a particular behavior they always have that "I don't know why I did it" remark. These are special children and they take 110% of your patience. My daughter definitely does better in smaller group settings or individually when there isn't as much stimulus around. She can't focus on any tasks when there is alot going on.
Her ODD is a separate problem. She is always testing the waters and pushing the limits.
With an ADHD child you need to keep repeating yourself to ensure that they really did hear you...with an ODD child if they have an incorrect behavior there is an automatic consequence.
This is like dealing with a double edged sword most of the time. Was it her ADHD or her ODD that caused this?
I would definitely start with the school and ask how her behavior is there. If it isn't a problem there then you can work on some home behavior modification. ADHD is 24 hrs a day and not just at home or school.
Sorry for the lengthy response but after 2 years this really caught my interest.
Thank you for posting this.......This really helps give insight on this.
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