Hi. I have a 22 month old daughter and I really want a second. I'm curious on the age difference of other families and what is best for each child. I want quality time with each child. Am I just worrying too much?

By Tink on Thursday, June 7, 2007 - 07:53 pm:

My dks are all about 2 years apart. I love this age difference now that they are a bit older but there were a few tough years in the middle. My siblings and I are all four years apart and I really felt like we never got along well since we were always in different stages. Honestly, I think siblings getting along and having one-on-one time with parents is more about the importance your family puts on those values than the age difference between the children.

By Dawnk777 on Thursday, June 7, 2007 - 07:57 pm:

My kids are 2 years and almost 8 months apart. They have been good friends to each other (most of the time!).

Sarah will be 18 in August and Emily was 15 in March.

By Reds9298 on Thursday, June 7, 2007 - 08:47 pm:

I agree with Tink, although I think it's a little bit of both. I'm speaking just from personal sibling experience because I only have one child and don't plan on more. Me and my sister who is 3 years younger have always been close, however a good friend and her sister 3 yrs apart are not close and never have been. I think it's a bit of a crap shoot, but I think several years apart makes for lack of closeness. My eldest sister is 10yrs older and I never knew her until we were both adults. Now we're close as adults.

By Mrsheidi on Thursday, June 7, 2007 - 10:03 pm:

We had no choice since Scott was deployed and it would have been very difficult to be pregnant, much less have the baby, while he was gone. We were planning on starting while Connor was 2 but now he'll be 3.
It's hard because I think the toddler years are demanding physically and mentally and with teens, I think it's more of a mental challenge than anything. So, I'd much rather have it "easier" while they're young and pay for college one at a time. *wink*

By Jelygu on Thursday, June 7, 2007 - 10:24 pm:

My oldest son is 3, and my youngest is almost 2 months. So far things have been better than I thought. I thought my oldest would be jealous and resentful of the baby. But, we just emphasized what an important job being a big brother is, and we try not to completely focus on the baby, and he is great. He is very proud and protective of Luke.
My sister and I were have the same age difference as my children. We were always friends (although we did fight a lot) when we were young. When I got older though, I wanted my space from my little sister, and I wanted my OWN friends, so it got a little rough then.
But I think no matter what the age difference there are difficulties, you just have to do you best to spend time with each of them, even though it is hard.

By Tarable on Friday, June 8, 2007 - 12:10 am:

My girls are 2 years and 9 days apart and I would not have it any other way. They have been the best of friends (when no other friends are around) since my youngest started playing. It was a little rough the first 2 years of my youngest's life with all the diapers and trying to carry and look after both when they were going different directions. The only real problems we had when Jordan (youngest) was born was that Alexis wanted to be a baby again and she wouldn't let my mom touch Jordan, but that ended pretty quickly.

Good luck.

By Marcia on Friday, June 8, 2007 - 12:14 am:

My girls are almost 11, 12, 12, 13 and 14. The second 12 year old joined the family just 3 years ago, so she wasn't in the mix when they were preschoolers. While it's busy around here, they've always had someone to play with. I've never had to be in the role of the mom who had to keep them occupied, because they had each other for that. They are all very independent, because they've had to be. They all get lots of special attention and quality time, too.

My sister is 7 years older than me, and she got married when I was 11. We are close as adults, but weren't at all as kids. I also had a brother 5 years older, one 3 years younger and one 4 years younger. I was closest to the one 3 years younger while we were growing up.

By Dawnk777 on Friday, June 8, 2007 - 08:16 am:

One of my friends, has a nearly 25yo, a nearly 21yo and one who just turned 16. They are all girls. She wanted each one to have its own time to be a baby, so intentionally stretched them out. I think they are all pretty close, although, the oldest one lives in Virginia now, where she just finished grad school. It sounded like that is where she wants to stay now. The middle daughter, is in college right now and just got back from Spain. The youngest one is a very busy high-schooler.

By Amecmom on Friday, June 8, 2007 - 08:36 am:

My son and daughter are 2 years nine months apart. It was perfect for us. He was independent enough to dress himself and do "little" things that were a big help, but he was also little enough to enjoy doing them and feeling like a big helper.
They really enjoy playing together, now.
Ame

By Melanie on Friday, June 8, 2007 - 11:06 am:

Our kids are 6, 9, and 11. The oldest two are 20 months apart, and I love it. They are good friends. They often end up on the same sports team. Next year there is a high likelihood they will be in the same class. They do so much together and really rely on each other.
The middle and youngest are 3.5 years apart. I am not crazy about that age spread. They don't get along as well. They are just not quite as close as I would like to see.
The oldest and youngest are 5 years apart. I love that age spread as well. Since the day she was born, the oldest has looked out for her and taken care of her. He wanted a little sister more than anything, so when she came along, he jumped right in and wanted to be with her. They are super close. The hardest part for me with that age spread was that the oldest was in school and activities when she was born, so the baby never developed a nap schedule and such. She's been on the run since the day she was born. Since the older two were babies together, life revolved around their naptimes and such and it made life really relaxed.
There are pros and cons to every age spread. No matter what happens, it will work out just great for your family.

By Kay on Friday, June 8, 2007 - 12:05 pm:

It's all so relative to your particular situation. My first two children were 15 months apart, and while I wouldn't advise someone to plan it that way, it has resulted in a brother and sister who are incredibly close. I did wait 5 years to have the third, to give me a little breathing room, not to mention 2 very willing and capable helpers.

Next week, my oldest is getting married to a wonderful girl.....so I think we did okay.

By Tayjar on Friday, June 8, 2007 - 12:27 pm:

My two kids are 22 months apart and are more like twins. They are best friends and would rather be with each other than anyone else. They are son age 9 and girl almost 11.

My sister and I are 9 years apart and didn't get close until I was 21 and she was 30. She went away to college when I was 8 and never moved back home.

By Rayelle on Friday, June 8, 2007 - 01:02 pm:

My oldest 2 are one year and one day apart. It brought some challenges during the baby years, but they were each others best friends. They still are, but they began bickering once they started school. I had another when my ds was 4 and dd was 3. They get along pretty well, but there is starting to be a gap in their interests. I don't think spacing has alot to do with whether or not they get along, I think they do or they don't. Since my kids are fairly close in age, I don't think I would like it if they were farther apart. I know a few family members and friends who are dealing with having preteens and toddlers and that sounds as crazy as 2 under 2,lol, and they all picked on me! My sister is 7 years younger than me and I think she's an idiot. She's only 19 so I hope that goes away when she matures. I'm not holding my breath, my parents spoiled her rotten. Good luck!

By Bellajoe on Friday, June 8, 2007 - 01:45 pm:

Mine are 18 months apart. It was pretty tough when they were little They fight like cats and dogs one minute and are playing nicely with each other the next minute. They are interested in the same things right now so that helps out. I hope they stay friends and stick up for each other when they are teenagers!
They are now 8 and 6 1/2.

I am the youngest of 5. The oldest is 13 years older than me. So needless to say we were never close growing up. She moved out when she was 21 and I was 8 (or something like that).

The sister I am closest to now is 7 years older than me. We did fight a lot when we were growing up. But in her defense she was in that cranky puberty stage, and both our parents had cancer all at the same time. It wasn't pleasant! It was a hard time. BUT anyway, once she went away to college we became friends and now that we both have children and are stay at home mom's, she and I are very close (except for the 4 hours between us) we are best friends

By Bemerry84 on Friday, June 8, 2007 - 02:06 pm:

It's nice to make plans but sometimes God has different plans. My boys are 7 years apart and not by my choice. They get along great but there are times when they fight and bicker, I believe this is normal with siblings. The older one always sticks up for the younger and the younger one worships the older one.

By Viversmomma on Friday, June 8, 2007 - 04:56 pm:

Thanks for all your feedback. Its nice to get more info than "good" or "okay." I appreciate it!

By Karen~admin on Friday, June 8, 2007 - 06:29 pm:

Both of my sets of DKs are 15 months apart, and both of those were *by accident*. LOL

I have 2 sisters - I am the oldest, the next sister is one year younger than I am, the other one is 3 years younger than I am. I always used to think that 3 years between kids would be *the perfect* age difference. However, I will say that since there were 3 of us, and 2 were so close in age, those 2 - me and my next youngest sister - were closer the entire time we were growing up. We had common friends, common interests, etc.

Now my feelings are, whatever age difference you have, it is fine, it will work, it will work because it HAS to.

Life has a way of throwing you curve balls, and you deal with what you are given.

When kids are very close in age when they are young, it's very hard on Mom, because they require so much attention. However, the plus side to it is that they are very close to each other, can play together, have some common friends, even help each other.

When there are 2 or 3 or even 4 or more years between them, their relationships will develop accordingly.

I remember growing up, my best friend who was the same age as me, was the oldest of 5 children, the youngest was born when we were 12. She mothered her youngest sister and we used to drag her all over the place with us. To this day, she still has a special relationship with that youngest sibling.

My 2 sets are 12-13 years apart. The older 2 really looked out for the younger 2 early on. Plus they were a big help when the younger 2 were babies/toddlers/preschoolers. Now they are all VERY close as adults (22, 23, 35 and 36), do a lot of things together, have some common friends, etc.

...siblings getting along and having one-on-one time with parents is more about the importance your family puts on those values than the age difference between the children... I agree with that statement. I know many 2-child families, and a number of 3, 4 and 5 child families, and IMO, the relationships of the siblings really has a lot to do with what the parents do to nurture those relationships and encourage them to grow. In a house where each child is aware that their parents are giving each individual child *quality* time, the kids accept that and IMO, learn to give each other quality time as well.

So there really is no *perfect* age difference. Love your kids, teach them to love each other, it will all work out. I *do* know first hand, that as they grow into adulthood, they tend to grow closer, and that lasts a lifetime.

By Dawnk777 on Friday, June 8, 2007 - 07:15 pm:

I was born in March 1960. Cheryl was born in June 61, and Margaret was born in MAy 63. So, 3 kids in 4 years! I don't remember a time before I had a sibling, because to me, Cheryl's always been there! LOL! I'm fairly close to my sisters, and have had falling outs, with either one, at one time or another. We fought like cats and dogs, sometimes, while growing up, but it was nice to have three, because we could always play jumprope!

By Kaye on Friday, June 8, 2007 - 08:35 pm:

mine are 19 months between the first 2 and then 28 months between the next one. My oldest two are much closer than the younger 2. Honestly for me having all babies (i had 3 under 4) was tough tough, but now they are school age it is sweet. It is nice to have a small break between grade levels, but to still be in the school and know the teachers. It helps for being active in the school and on the pta. For me there is no other way than to get that baby stuff over with all together. We went on younger focused trips, now we all go on hiking things. I always thought my friends who had a 5 or 6 year old playing with legos, then having a baby, really struggled with trying to get quality time and child proofing.

However, for us this wasn't really our plan, it was God's plan, but it worked out perfectly and I wouldn't change a thing.

By Beth on Sunday, June 10, 2007 - 05:18 pm:

My sister and I were 10 months apart. Not advisable. My sister and I are fairly close. But I admit feeling a little clastophobic so to speak. I think it would have been nice to have somethings that just I could do.

By Juli4 on Monday, June 11, 2007 - 11:06 am:

we have 6,4,3, and 7 months. All girls except the baby. They get along ok. It is hit and miss, but we wouldn't trade it for anything. One on one time with the kids has nothing to do with how close they are. They need that one on one time even after the others come along.

By Bobbie~moderatr on Tuesday, June 12, 2007 - 11:00 am:

It doesn't matter how far apart your children are, what matters is how you love and raise them.... Because there are people that are for and against everything you might be thinking.. You do the best you can and the rest is out of your hands.. The personalties of your children, yourself and your spouse play a major factor in how your children respond to each other. If you foster closeness and you allow the differences and push for those to be accepted and understood children seem to grow closer.

My oldest two are 2 and 5 months apart and my twins are 8 and 6 months and 5 and 1 month younger than the older two... The issue is getting the oldest two to remember what it was like to be 10 but other than that things seem to flow because I have stressed that they must since they were old enough to see the importance in it..

By Jackie on Tuesday, June 12, 2007 - 02:07 pm:

My kids are all 5 yrs apart, my oldest will be 13 in August, my middle will be 8 in July and Faith will be 3 in August.
I love the 5 yr age span. It meant I had only one baby at a time at all. I had my son all to myself for 5 yrs.. 2 months before he started Kindergarten I had my 2nd baby. When my son was at school, I had the baby all to my self. When my 2nd child turned 5 I had Faith. Again, while the 2nd was in school I had Faith all to myself.
I really like it this way, I was able to give a lot of one on one time to the kids.
My older two fight like cats and dogs, it drives me crazy. They bicker and fight..UGH...hopefully they will outgrow it.

By Christylee on Tuesday, June 12, 2007 - 09:15 pm:

My sisters and I are all 7 years apart. I'm 31, the middle sister is 24, and the youngest will be 18 next month. I'm actually closer to the almost 18 year old because I see her more often because she's still at home with mom and watches my son for me. I don't know if I would do my own children so far apart but it's worked out great for us.

So far my son is an only child and probably will end up staying that way.

By Reds9298 on Wednesday, June 13, 2007 - 09:17 am:

Jackie -In an ideal world, IF I were to have another child (which I'm not, but we're being hypothetical there) I would ideally choose to do it the way you have. To me, that's ideal because I want all kids to get as much attention as the first one. BUT, I wouldn't do that because I don't want to be off from work that long. The downside to that way for me would be that it's way more years off, but ideally it's what I would want for years of separation. My friend is doing that. Her eldest starts 1st grade in the fall and she just gave birth a few weeks ago to a new baby girl. She loves that she will be home with the new one all by herself, and that she was home with the first one all by herself. Everyone is different, but I think that's a great way!

By Jackie on Wednesday, June 13, 2007 - 10:19 am:

Deanna-My husband thinks I did the 5 yrs apart, so it was like insurance.. If I kept having babies, I wouldnt have to go back to work LOL I worked up until the day before I had my first. He will be 13 in August.
I have no problem working, I just dont want my kids in daycare.
Faith will be 3 in August, and I keep thinking how nice it would be to have another baby, but I am too old for that NOW... Actually I dont feel old, but my husband has other ideas LOL