Pooping in the toilet???!!!
Moms View Message Board: Parenting Discussion: Pooping in the toilet???!!!
Hi, I am new to this group, but looking for advice on how to get my daughter to go poop in the toilet. She does great with pee, but everyday I am cleaning poop out of her underwear. It is getting pretty old. If I catch her in the act, I put her on the toilet and she stops. I clean her up, put on new panties and as soon as she is out of sight she will go a little more. This goes on up to 8 or 9 times. I have gotten to the point where I would rather just let her do it all at once and not have the mess, but we are not making any steps toward getting it into the toilet. This is one of the most frustrating experiences of parenting so far!!!
I have no advice. Once my younger daughter pooped in her panties, when she was little, and she was horrified and it never happened again!
I think a little more info would be helpful, such as how old she is, how long she has been in underwear, how long she has been peeing in the potty. My daughter wasn't all the way potty trained until right after her 4th birthday. She refused to poop in the potty and we didn't push it. It happened when she was ready. We had a great child care/preschool that didn't push it either.
Welcome to Momsview!
Obviously she is aware when she needs to poop and she is able to control it. She just feels more comfortable going in pants than on the toilet. She may not be ready for big-girl underwear yet, and I would not put her in them until she goes on the potty. Set them aside as an incentive for her to use the toilet.
I had this same issue with my son. He was about 3, and for at least a month, maybe two, I bought him pull-ups just because he'd poop in them, but would pee in the toilet.
Then I got tired of buying them, so I devised a plan where when he went poop on the potty we played a really cool game with balloons. I bought a package of balloons in various sizes. I would use long balloons for "bats" and round balloons for "balls" and when he pooped on the potty, we played the balloon game and went all over the house acting crazy and batting balloons around. He had such a great time, and wanted to do it again and again, but I would say "No, not until you go poop on the potty."
After a week, we went to the store and bought him some brand new Big Boy underwear!
They say you aren't supposed to use food to encourage good behavior, so I used that, and it worked like a charm! But you can use any other activity that you think your dd would really enjoy.
Good luck!
I second using the pull-ups. My son would also only go pee in the toilet, but poop in his underwear. I was using the kind that have the vinyl outer covering. I switched to pull ups because it was easier to clean up the mess.
We also used a sticker chart. He earned so many stickers and he would get a prize. They ranged from working on the computer, to taking a walk, to going to the park or the pet store, or doing art, and extra story at bedtime, stuff like that. It worked well, for the most part, we still had some accidents but they were less. Then we made a big deal about big boy underwear. I took him to the store, just the two of us, and we bought underwear in two of his favorite characters designs. He got to carry the packages to the clerk's counter and even told her, "These are my big boy underwear because I'm a big boy!" He was sooo proud. I really appreciated that the clerk went along with it. Thereafter, he would only have pee accidents in his underwear. Now, the accidents are very rare.
Welcome!!!! You'll love it here!
If you look at past posts, you'll see that my DD and I had a horrific time with pooping the potty. Pull-ups worked really well. But, even after that, she withheld and pooped in her pants. It all came to a head last summer (she was 4) and she would sit on the stairs of the pool and poop in her bathing suit. Unfortunately, it happened three times. The third time, she went to a timeout and was told that if she ever did it again, she could NEVER go in the pool again. Well, the next day, she told me when she had to go and went in the poolhouse potty! We gave her a wonderful gift for that and she's never had an accident again.
My only question is if she is pooping alright? I mean, is she constipated and is what's coming out overly hard? Sometimes, when they are constipated, they are afraid to let it go and will hold onto it, which only makes it harder. I had to turn to Flaxseed oil in my DD milk to help her. She had a terrible time!
Gook luck, and please check back!
Thank you all for your advise! I'm sorry that it takes me a little while to get back. I have 3 children, they are each 18 months apart. Son 5 1/2, Son 4, and Daughter 2 1/2. My middle child has some developmental delays so he is moving along a little slower. My oldest potty train himself at 15 months, poop 1st and he had to talk me out of taking him out of the diapers. I take absolutely no credit for his training (I never had, but all the more now that I am going through such a hard time with the other 2). I have even asked him to just teach the others for me 
We did an intense, 3-day, get rid of all the diapers, and just go for it thing back in Feb. I tried it with both of my younger ones at the same time. My middle one didn't catch on. I just don't think he is ready. My daughter did great with the pee part and is very consistent. I know she is young, but I feel like she understands and now this is just a control thing.
Her stool is fine and she is very consistent about going everyday, it is just that it is in her panties rather than in the toilet. I have use only posistive reinforcement and don't wont to punish her, but I also want to hold her accountable to what she is capable of. She hasn't EVER gone poop in the toilet though.
She obviously can do it in her pants, so what is the deal with putting it in the toilet. I have told her that she can have a special toy if she does it. She just doesn't seem motivated to change. Maybe using the big girl panties would work. I did put her in a diaper last week and told her if she poops in her underwear she can't wear panties. She didn't seem to mind and I just don't want to go back to diapers. I feel like we are so close...
I think if I can get her to go just once maybe that will help. I haven't ever forced her to sit on the toilet. She has to try, but when she wants down I don't make her stay on. I don't know :{
You said it yourself, she's just not ready! They all do it in their own time. But, really, try the pull-ups as opposed to the diapers! Sometimes, they really help with the transition.
Good luck!
Does she have a potty chair? Our 3yo will pee in the toilet but only poop in the potty chair - he's scared of sitting on the 'big' toilet. Or try no underwear/panties at all.
We used M&M's to train all of ours. 3 for pee, 2 handfuls for poop (gradually and naturally stopped after about a week). All resisted going poop in the potty chairs or toilet. Diapers were out of the question, so they weren't allowed to wear underwear (no pull-ups either) until they would poop in the potty chair or toilet. We weren't mean about it and never forced it, just a matter of fact attitude. Babies wear diapers, big kids who pee & poop in the toilet wear underwear.
Each lasted 2 or 3 days without pooping...then an entire day of pooping over & over again in the potty chair, lol -- you're right, getting them to poop just once is the key.
We did use pull-ups until they could be dry for the night.
Okay,just to make sure I am clear, you took away the panties and they just are naked till they go in the potty? If this is what you are saying I think it might work. I have thought that she should loose the 'privlage of wearing panties', but the alternative (diaper or pull-up) are actually pretty appealing. Princesses on the pull ups and Elmo on the diapers. I think this may be one of my issue with my middle child. He LOVES Elmo so we actually switch from Pampers, but it is hard to find a diaper that is not so 'fun'. Ultimately I think he just has other sensory issues that are holding him back.
But back to Ella, we have used "potty candy" and I have a big chocolate bar if she goes poop, but it doesn't seem to be doing it. She is happy with a chocolate chip etc. for peeing.
She does fine at night. We cut off the liquids an hour or so before bed and make sure we can hear her call if she has to go in the night. She had been waking up dry in the mornings before we started the training.
Ugh, this parenting thing is never easy. But hopefully in the end we have some wonderful adults to add to the world.
Thanks,
Joyel
You've got it right (except I have boys) - we took away the panties and they go naked, except a shirt, until they poop in the toilet/potty chair one time. If they poop in the panties again, then it's naked again (repeat), but that usually only happens once or twice. "Oh, it's too bad you pooped in your panties. Panties are for girls who only poop in the potty."
None of our kids thought of it as punishment - it was just a fact - Okay, the diapers are gone now, Pull-ups are only for bed, and big kids who poop in the potty wear underwear.
Since you've already allowed her to wear panties, you might say to Ella something like, (maybe in the morning as you start a new day), "They'll be no panties today. I found out that diapers are for babies and panties are for big girls who use the potty to poop. When you go poop in the potty you will wear panties because you will be a big girl."
Try not to put across that she's losing a privilege or being punished or that she is 'getting' or 'losing' anything. Ignore any complaints. Just shrug your shoulders and repeat "Babies wear diapers. Girls who poop in the potty wear panties." ie NOT "get" to wear panties. Let her overhear conversations where you tell someone "Isn't it great?! When Ella goes poop in the potty she's going to wear panties!"
Expect a day or two or three of her holding in her poop (hopefully she won't just poop in a corner or something, mine didn't). It can be scary so don't pressure - she knows what and how to do it.
If the candy isn't working then maybe another motivator might help. Perhaps a special game with you or an outing or toy she really wants. I used M&M's with our 3yo because he loves candy and when they're gone I can just say, "Sorry, they're gone." and I don't have to keep handing out candy for every pee and poop.
I agree with you about the fun and appeal of diapers and pull-ups! They have pull-ups now that feel cool/cold when peed in, but I'm not sure that's a good idea. My Grandma claims she potty trained all 6 of her kids by 12 months. She said that having to hand wash diapers was a great motivator for mothers back then!
Thanks Mia,I really appreciate your insight.
Thanks to all of you. I have enjoyed hearing all of your percpectives. Thanks for your help.
I hope some of the ideas work for you Joyel. Some how most all kids learn to use the bathroom, and us parents survive. You sound like a great mom and I'm sure you'll get this figured out.
Parenting sure is a gross job sometimes - my neighbor's 3yo won't stop pottying outside. And my 3yo tried to use the toilet all by himself to go poop last night - I got to clean up smears all over the toilet, floor, walls, carpet, and my little guy. Ugh. At least he tried the toilet instead of the potty chair.
Keep us updated on how it all goes!
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