I'm posting this here as I feel I might receive more "BTDT" advice.
Out of the blue, Connor will hit me. I'll start changing his diaper as he's standing up and BOOM he slaps me in the face. Or, I'll put him in the carseat and BAM he kicks me.
It seriously makes me cry and I'm so shocked by it! And, it's during situations where I can't put him in a timeout right away. In the diaper situations I do, but putting him in the carseat in the rain?
He's been hitting me for a year now and I've been very consistent with the punishment. I say (as I'm crying) "That's so sad. You have to go into timeout now." He's there for 2 minutes, says he's sorry, but does it again 5 minutes later. I don't want to give him food if I think he's hungry because I don't want him to think he can communicate that way. Besides, he can say "eat" now to share his hunger pains with me.
When I put him in timeout, he also tries to get up all the time.

I'm tired of being a punching bag and I just can't wait until my hubby is HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARGH!

He has had a cough since Friday and the doctor is calling me back tomorrow, so maybe he's sick and that's why he's hitting me a lot more lately. But, this is an ongoing thing and I want it to stop before I hit him back (spanking)...it's my first instinct and that's part of the reason why I cry!!!

By Tink on Tuesday, October 17, 2006 - 11:28 pm:

I hate to keep coming at this from an "autism" standpoint but that's what I know so...

Many autistic children also have sensory disorders and one of the problems they have is in controlling the pressure of their touches. A soft cheek stroke of another child is a slap from these kids. They simply don't feel the difference in the pressure of the impact from hitting your cheek than they would if they patted or rubbed. I'd do a lot of work with him petting, holding softly, rubbing, hitting, several different touches with a stuffed animal, while talking about how he is touching it. "Connor, show me how you rub the bear's tummy. Good boy! Now show me how to stroke the bear's foot." or "Show me how you rub the bear's tummy. No, that's not rubbing. This is rubbing." with your hand holding his and showing him how to rub the bear. Teaching him what different touches are and how they are labelled can help him learn which are nice to give Mommy and which ones hurt.

Now it could be that he has no problem differentiating between the pressures and is just being a stinker. If that's the case, I'd try to find something else that shows him the consequences of hitting if time-out isn't working. That could be difficult with a kid Connor's age but if the time-outs aren't decreasing his behavior, something else might be more discouraging. On the other hand, maybe you could find a way to reward him for going 30 minutes, one hour or one morning without hitting by giving him some video time, a special snack that he only gets when he doesn't hit, or a special outing like going for a walk. Set a timer so he knows that when the timer goes off, he'll be rewarded and make him a sign that shows in a picture that touching nicely (a pic of him hugging you) equals tickle time (a pic of you tickling him)or whatever your reward is. You'd be surprised how powerful a reminder of his reward might be, even given his age.

Of course, it could be a combination of both. He gets angry and hits or doesn't like being buckled in and kicks but also wants to show you he cares but doesn't know the correct way to show it. Just be consistent in whatever way you choose to handle it and vent away to us when you need to just get it all out of your system. {{{Heidi}}}

By Mrsheidi on Wednesday, October 18, 2006 - 11:14 pm:

Thanks Tink! I showed him appropriate touching today so I'm hoping it will work. I've also remained more calm during timeouts, like it's just a matter of fact. I also changed his timeout chair to a spot on the floor so he can't play around on the chair.
And, you're right...he's been reacting very well to positive feedback when he's good. I have to keep reminding myself that he needs positive feedback too.
Thanks a TON!

By Lauram on Saturday, October 21, 2006 - 01:59 pm:

I used to take my son's hand when he did this and stroke my body and say, "Do nice, do nice...." It was a constant battle with my son. Stay calm. Try not to react. Put him in time out and say "No hitting." If he gets up and plays, just keep putting him back. These scenarios used to go on for us for almost an hour sometimes. I also insisted that the time out ended when my son could come hug me and "say sorry." If he hit me again, he wasn't ready. I never used external time as an indicator of when the time out was over. It had to be on his internal clock. (When he was ready to "say sorry.")

On that note- I should also say that the child I am describing that I had difficulty with is also on the spectrum. My NT child never did this.