Another year begins...

Moms View Message Board: Parenting Children with Special Needs: Another year begins...

I just spent an hour at the middle school with Robin, his vice principle, his SIED teacher and a school security guard (who is a county police officer). Seems Robin got upset about something and started threatening people. The vp called the security guard from the high school (he and his partner deal with all the schools in our area, but are based at the hs) to come talk to Robin. I think he made a real impact. We got Robin all calmed down and the SIED teacher took him back to his classroom. He'll be spending a few days with him until we all think Robin can handle being in the regular classrooms again. Then the vp, the security guard and I talked. The sg said a lot of what he told Robin was for effect, but it was all true (he could charge him with disrupting school officials, making threats, etc). I told him I understood that and I thought that was what Robin needed to hear. We talked for a bit and hopefully we all understand each other. I told them I appreciate them calling me and am willing to come in any time to help calm Robin down, but I also want Robin to realize there are consequences to his actions and he needs to face those now before he get into high school next year. I will also be checking Robin's backpack and pockets every morning because he threatened to take a knife or whip to school (he doesn't have any, but the kid's resourseful and who knows what he could find). *sigh* It's only the second full day! I hoping this was just Robin testing the water and he won't try it again because he ultimately wanted to come home with me but that didn't happen. I've decided not to tell dh. He'll just overreact and I don't need that. Especially since I have a meeting tonight and won't be home to keep an eye on things. Gee, happy birthday to me. At least when Robin left the office he was calm and even apoligized to everyone. I hope he can keep it together today. He had a great day yesterday. I've got five more years of this with him (that is IF he can keep it together and pass!). God, help me.

By Happynerdmom on Tuesday, August 8, 2006 - 01:40 pm:

(((((Hugs))))) I'm sorry, Cat. It sounds like the school did a good job of handling the situation, though, and I'm sure they're very glad to be dealing with a cooperative parent. I don't blame you for not telling your dh. I probably wouldn't in your situation, either. Some things just aren't worth it, are they? Hopefully the year turns out better than it started, lol. Best of luck. I'll be thinking of you and praying for your situation.

Oh, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

By Cat on Wednesday, August 9, 2006 - 10:01 am:

Thanx, Michele. He did fine the rest of the day at school (as far as I know, I emailed the teacher and he never emailed me back). He lost it at home when I told him he couldn't go to the park with his brother and a friend because he'd gotten in trouble at school and he had to finish his homework, though. I had a meeting I had to leave for so I finally got him calmed down and left. Then of course when I got home a few hours later dh said he'd acted up again, gone outside to the neighbor's to play and a couple other things. So he's lost his computer for a week and is grounded tonight and may be grounded longer if he keeps it up.

Okay, I just got off the phone with the school already! His teacher's aide that works with him and one other child called to see if he was coming to school today. I said, uh, yeah! So she said she'd call me back in 15 minutes. She called back a minute later saying they'd found him. His bus was late. She told me after they'd found him she was starting to panic because she's raised two boys just like him and knows what it's like. Like I've said before, it's always an adventure...

By Kaye on Wednesday, August 9, 2006 - 03:59 pm:

Ugh Cat....as much as I am glad for school to start, I am not ready for the battles. And honestly I always wonder when do I start warning teachers.

By Tink on Monday, August 14, 2006 - 07:46 pm:

How are things going now, Cat? Has he had a chance to settle in and (hopefully) settled down?

I'm dreading the beginning of this school year. We've changed schools with our move so things will be new for Seth and his classmates won't be used to his little quirks. He seems to have changed some this summer and I'm worried that he isn't going to cope as well.

Let us know how Robin's doing. {{{Hugs}}}

By Cat on Tuesday, August 15, 2006 - 10:05 am:

He's doing better, Cori. Thanx for asking. I had a meeting with his self contained classroom teacher, the school social worker, the school behavioral specialist (new position this year--I think it's great!) and the school psyciatrist on Friday. We worked out a behavioral plan so they know what to do if he does act up. I also found out he has 30 minutes of mental health on his IEP. Gee, wish I'd known that 2 years ago! He'll do that with the social worker, but she asked the others to work with her and Robin also so they can figure out what makes him tick. They're going to do a FBA within the next 45 days. The aids that work with Robin in the classrooms are already taking notes on him (he doesn't know). So hopefully they know a little more about him now and can work though this. They said he's been great since last Tuesday when he had his meltdown. The vice principal stopped into the meeting and said he'd stopped by the classroom to see how Robin was doing and he was doing really well. We've still got to work on his grades. He's failing two classes already because he's either not taking notes (which he can use on the tests in math class) or not doing the homework completely or correctly. He can't play football until his grades come up. I told him to bring home all the redos tonight (the teachers give the kids second chances) so we can get them done. He's SO not motivated! He's capable of doing the work. I told him he has SO much potential because he is so smart. He just doesn't care.

Kaye, I figure the teachers are going to find out what Robin's like so I do give them as much warning as possible. They have to know what they're dealing with and how to handle it. Otherwise with Robin's problems they think he's just being defiant (which sometimes he is). Just mho, though. I know a lot of people don't share it.

By Kaye on Tuesday, August 15, 2006 - 03:19 pm:

Glad to hear things are somewhat better.

Gotta love those services and the lack of info! Really if I didn't know what my kid needed and asked for it during the iep, he would get nothing. I am doing private OT because the school just doesn't recognize his issues.

Andrew is one of those tough kids, he doesn't have a dx per say, but lots of "tendancies" and each teacher each year brings out new ones and others go away. Some of it has to do with tolerance I am sure. He is a noise maker, humms etc while working. But when he isn't working he is very quiet. So which do you prefer, the loud hard working kid, or the quiet one who does nothing. As a parent I pick number 1, but as a teacher I see where that can be an issue. Anyway, this is the longest I have gone without a parent teacher conference, we are on day 4. My day tomorrow is very busy, so I am thinking I will schedule something on thursday, but we will see. I just don't have any real way to know how he is doing.

By Cat on Thursday, August 17, 2006 - 01:16 pm:

I got a call from one of the paras working with Robin this morning. She called to ask permission to give Robin and ice cream sandwich tomorrow because he's done so well since last Tuesday! She said he's turning in his homework now, done the redos and doing great in class. She said she complimented him this morning after math class and the math teacher heard her and echoed the compliment. She also said they don't normally reward good behavior, but since he's made such a great improvement she wants to do something. I told her go ahead, he'd love it. I'll have to make sure I tell him tonight when he gets home that she called. I think a lot of this is because he wants to play football. That works for me, but I worry about what will happen in mid October when football is over! For now, though he's doing great. I just hope, as the para said--"Usually when I make calls like this I jynx things!"--that doesn't happen!

By Tink on Thursday, August 17, 2006 - 01:57 pm:

So glad to hear that he's made such a turnaround!!! It's nice to hear that his para is willing to recognize his effort and reward it.

Don't you hate that you can't just sit back and enjoy the good behavior but you have to be looking forward to what may trigger a change (like football ending)? Is there something that can take football's place? Maybe even ask Robin what he thinks would keep him motivated...or will that just open a whole new can of worms?

{{{Cat}}}

By Kaye on Thursday, August 17, 2006 - 04:33 pm:

Very nice Cat....glad that he is turning around and that he is getting such positive feedback. Maybe having that feedback loop working for him, by time football is over, he will realize that he likes the positive. WW says it takes 16 weeks for new habits to stick, so maybe this will be the case for him too. Kudos to Robin!

By Lauram on Saturday, August 19, 2006 - 02:21 pm:

UGH! I'm sorry it was such a rough start. I'm dreading the start of the new school year (Aug 29th). I just sent an email to the principal telling her how anxious I was about it. My son has had a great summer. I'm just dreading the fact that it may all unravel in 10 days! Just wanted to say, "I FEEL YOUR PAIN!" Good luck. Hope things keep looking up!