I don't know if this is the right board to post this on as Simon has not been "officially" diagnosed with anything yet but we are having major problems so I am sure that once he is seen by the pediatric therapist that he will be.

Here is the problem. Simon goes to preschool 3 days a week and has some good days and some bad days. On his bad days they are REALLY bad, on those days he generally has a lot of anger issues that cause problems for him in the classroom. We have discussed this with his pediatrician who is sending us to a pediatric therapist for further testing. She (the pediatrician) says that we need to focus on the positive with him. Reinforce the good behavior, and said that the sticker chart for good behavior that we are doing at home is a great tool and the the preschool should be doing the same...focusing on the positive. So they are doing the sticker chart but anytime he doesn't get a sticker they proceed to tell me EVERYTHING he has done wrong that day infront of him, any other kids still in the classroom and any parents who are in line behind me to pick up their kids. Today was a particularly bad day and one parent even stopped in the hallway to hear what the teacher was saying about Simon. After lunch today Simon picked up his note from school and "read" it to me..."Got mad, didn't do anything right". I have been crying all afternoon. I know my son has issues and we are trying to work on them but I can't help but think that the preschool isn't helping much. Am I wrong...am I just being too sensetive/protective of my child?

By Tink on Monday, May 8, 2006 - 07:08 pm:

Absolutely not. No preschool teacher should be talking about behavior problems in front of other parents or the child himself. And it's obviously affecting him and his view of himself. We all know what a self-fulfilling prophecy it can be when a child hears how bad he is, over and over.

My ds had a communication log that went with him to and from school and his teachers would fill it out with all the GOOD and bad things he's done during the day. If he shared with a friend, that would be written down. If he had trouble staying calm while frustrated, that gets written down, too. Then we would meet once every week or two (privately) and discuss his behavior. We really didn't discuss his behavior on a daily basis unless something really out of the ordinary happened. Would his teachers be willing to fill that out each day?

The next time you pick up Simon and the teachers start discussing his behavior, I'd be very upfront with them and say "I don't think this is the time or place to talk about this. Why don't I give you a call when we get home or we can discuss this after the other parents leave while Simon's not listening?" or whatever you think would be an appropriate time. Good luck. It sounds like Simon's got a great mom in his corner and I don't think you are being overprotective at all!

By Lauram on Tuesday, May 9, 2006 - 08:54 am:

I would ask for a conference. My son also has a communication journal. We also use email.

By Tripletmom on Tuesday, May 9, 2006 - 01:06 pm:

I don't think the school is being sensitive to his needs.Does he seem to be more aggressive at school? When kids are told they're bad and teachers centre them out,they will act bad and mold to how people perceive them.I don't think the school is handling this appropriatley.A communication book would be a great tool to use.If there is going to be something negative about the day then you can read it and address the situation how you feel appropriate.He does not need to hear all the bad stuff,it will make him feel worse and you're going to have self-esteem issues early.You might need a different preschool where they understand him and not wait for something to happen so they can pounce on him.I'm sorry you have to deal with this,It's hard when you just don't know what to do.(((HUGS)))

By Ginny~moderator on Wednesday, May 10, 2006 - 10:05 am:

I think it is totally inappropriate for a teacher to talk to a parent about the child's problems in front of the child AND in front of other parents and children. It is totally insensitive to how children react and behave. She is setting your son up for teasing and bullying by the other children.

I think you need to have a conference with both this teacher AND her supervisor. If she is doing it to your son, she is doing it to others also.

By Mommmie on Wednesday, May 10, 2006 - 01:23 pm:

You might be able to gain access to special ed preschool through the public school. It would be a better environment for him with professional teachers trained to teach children who may be more difficult for whatever reason.

Parents do not need a blow by blow. Teachers can either handle him with confidence or they can't. I've found when a teacher can't handle a child they tend to complain to the parents with great frequency and they do this blow by blow thing. Hopefully, you can find a more theraputic environment for him. The fact this school doesn't understand privacy issues leads me to think they may not have much experience with our challenging kids.

By Reds9298 on Wednesday, May 10, 2006 - 10:35 pm:

Ditto everyone. The teacher should NEVER discuss your child's behavior or academics around any other parents or children. It's actually against the law in Indiana (not sure elsewhere?), in addition to the fact that it's not healthy for your son!! It's a private matter and should be treated so. I'm sorry that you're going through this {{Hugs}}

Just for another perspective, from a teacher who taught in a rough school with you -can't -believe -the- behavior- issues- with -kindergarteners:
The blow by blow account is really to cover yourself, as the teacher. I don't think it has to do with not being able to handle them. You can bet that if you leave out one infraction and it comes up later, the parent WILL ask why he/she wasn't told about it. It's a documentation of sorts, along with a written log that should also be kept. That's for everyone's information, and serves as a historical record sometimes for how things have gone over a semester or a month or a week. Sometimes a family psych will ask for documentation to review and it's really helpful to have it.

The teacher should never speak publicly about it, but the blow by blow really is FYI for you. Sometimes something little that has been multiplied 15x in one day all of a sudden turns into a big issue, and that's another time when the blow by blow really comes in handy in accurately describing the situation.

I can't imagine how you're feeling. {hugs} again.

By Cat on Thursday, May 25, 2006 - 03:09 pm:

{{{{{Tammie and Simon}}}}} For some children, telling the parent in front of the child what they did wrong sends a very clear message of "you parents will find out and you will not get away with this at school" and it works wonders. Obviously that's not the case for Simon and the teacher needs to understand that. Tell her while you understand that she needs to keep you informed of issues she's having with your child to please not do it in front of him and to respect your privacy by never doing it in front of other parents or children. I would really recommend setting up a behavior journal like some of the others have said. That way she can write it all down and you get it all, but it's not being verbalized where others can hear. Regular conferences can also be scheduled. I'm sorry Simon's having a hard time. Seems like just yesterday you were bringing him home.