A 18 year and a 16 year old stealing from you.
These kids were adopted - they were crack babies...

For a friend.

The 18 would be entitled to social security disablity. Parents afraid of kids. Both boys are well over 6 feet tall.

16 year old has 20 cops there do to an aggreesion attack. (not his fault)

They had to turn off long distance cause kids were calling long distance without approval.

16 year old sold his computer.

Kids in and out of hospital for aggression manic depression.

Parents feeling guilty because you know they feel they didn't do enough (who does)....

Both kids got two girls pregnant at same time.

Both out of school. They were going to private sleep away schools but left or where asked to leave.

By Kim on Sunday, December 12, 2004 - 09:54 am:

UGGH. That's very hard. I have a friend with a kind of similar situation with her son. The 18 needs to go. He's an adult and needs to find his own way. Maybe with the 18 gone the 16 will settle some. That's just how I feel.

I am sorry for your friend.

By Lauram on Sunday, December 12, 2004 - 06:03 pm:

I agree. They need tough love.

By Marcia on Sunday, December 12, 2004 - 11:12 pm:

Tough love won't cut it for someone who was born addicted. That changes the brain forever, and it doesn't matter what you do - crap will happen.
Most of us have a conscience, but people born addicted with fetal alcohol or drug addiction are missing that.
Unfortunately the services available don't cut it, and families are left to struggle.
It's horrible for the kids and the families.

By Marcia on Sunday, December 12, 2004 - 11:40 pm:

I need to clarify what I wrote above. It's not always that way, but it is a reality for many kids born to drug and/or alcohol addicted moms.
I can't find where I read it, and I've been searching, but they're finding that a big number of the people who are in jail were prenatally exposed to drugs and/or alcohol.

By Kim on Monday, December 13, 2004 - 07:52 am:

Maybe tough love on the parent's end. Marcia, I don't think it is good for the children to be there. If they have done everything possible to no avail then I think it is time for the 18 to go find his own way. The parents can help get it going but the rest should be up to him. Natural consequence is real life. My friend who made her son leave, and he was stealing from her, doing drugs and has already been to jail, suprisingly he is doing well and staying out of trouble. Mom is now 8 hours away and he knows he must stay out of trouble. Honestly I think he will end up back in jail. He was there so much that it has become an easy out option. I HOPE he doesn't but I think he will. NO ONE should be afraid in their own home. I don't think that is an option. Believe me, I feel for all of them greatly, even the kids.

By Anonymous on Monday, December 13, 2004 - 08:04 am:

I talked to her and she said that the law says you need to house them until they are 21 in New York.

By Lauram on Monday, December 13, 2004 - 10:35 am:

Let me clarify- I doubt the tough love will "help" them at this point. They are pretty old. But I don't see that the family has much other choice. Society is certainly not going to accept this conduct. It's a shame they were born addicted- but that isn't going to excuse their behavior.

My seven year old- with lots of issues- was stealing from us for the past two months. We threatened to go to the authorities because we were at a loss and none of the consequences we gave were enough. I think he's learned his lesson- but that doesn't mean we won't have to use that "card" again. Hopefully, because he's 7, we have some hope for him that he can change this behavior and learn to make good choices. Certainly, the odds aren't as much in favor of a teenager.

Personally, I think they need to be turned over to the cops. Let them handle it. That's what I mean by tough love.

By Cat on Monday, December 13, 2004 - 12:26 pm:

Wow. What a situation. Imho, these kids need help. Not so much from their parents, but from profession therapists, doctors (psy) and the state. If they're in and out of the hospital for depression and agression, are they on medication? If they are, it doesn't sound like it's the right one(s). Also, if they have medication prescribed, are they taking it? I couldn't believe New York wouldn't let parents kick out an 18yo, so I looked it up. Yep, it's 21! However, if the courts were involved, they could probably get past that. I agree with Laura, they need to call the police. I found this at this site.

Q. III.3 What obligations do young people (under 21) have toward their parents?

A. Youth under the age of 21 are obligated to obey the reasonable rules set by their parents/guardians as a condition of their continued support.

Q. III.4 Can a young person force his/her parents to support him/her? If so, until what age?

A. In New York State, young people are entitled to parental support until they are 21. If a young person leaves home because the conditions are unbearable, the youth may succeed in a proceeding for support in Family Court. If, however, the young person leaves home to be on his/her own, the parents' obligation to support the young person is terminated.

Doesn't sound like the kids are following their parents "reasonable rules". I would highly suggest the next time one of these kids steals, threatens, hits, etc the parent's call the police. Sounds like they want to be treated like adults. Well, adults would go to jail if they did any of those things. Again, jmho. Thoughts and prayers for your friend.

By Anonymous on Monday, December 13, 2004 - 05:52 pm:

Actually now I think of it you wouldn't know which kid did the stealing so....

By Kaye on Friday, December 17, 2004 - 11:50 am:

Honestly they need to something and quit wasting so much time and stress dealing with it. They have made an unsafe enviroment for the rest of the family. yes they care and they love these boys, but they didn't turn into this overnight, they h ave been having problems for years and they probably haven't done anything. First they are NOT going to school, what is with that, so they got kicked out, you have to school them, not an option. Sounds like they need to find a different type of "private school" and institution, a military school, etc. These boys may not have the mental capabilty to really learn right from wrong, if that is the case they need to accept that and turn the children over to someone else. If that isn't the case, they need to get help, they have obviously not been able to "fix" them by theirself, it is time to turn the children over to someone else to help them.

I don't blame the parents, but it is way past time to take some responsiblity here. We want to think that children will snap out of it and turn around, we don't want to be shamed with what our kids may or may not have. We don't want a label, we don't want people to use words that might sound offensive to others. But the plain truth is these boys are bad, they need help. Just from one post I see a lot of red flags in parenting issues. First being kids got kicked out so they aren't in school. Kids sold a computer, how did they get this out of the house? Where was a parent? These boys are too young to be left alone, if they act like 2 year olds, they need to be treated like that. You should never be scared in your own home. Could they have done something different, maybe, maybe not, but that is over, it is time to do something now, something hard and difficult, but the time has come.

By Marcia on Friday, December 17, 2004 - 04:47 pm:

Often kids who have been prenatally exposed to alcohol and drugs don't show signs of these needs until adolescence. They could have been parented perfectly, and it still would have happened.
Yes, they need outside help. I know someone who is dealing with the same thing with her 2 girls. One has taken off, and the other requires in home support 24/7. Their 3rd dd is perfectly fine, and shows that they were good parents. What went on with the other 2 started before they were born, and long before they joined the family as infants.