Asperger's
Moms View Message Board: Parenting Children with Special Needs: Asperger's
Does anyone have any experience with AS? Robin's therapist thinks this may be a possibility, in addition to the ADHD and ODD. She also think he may not be bipolar after all. I can't say I agree with that (the meds seem to really be helping and if he weren't bipolar they wouldn't). From what little I know about it, I guess it could be possible. He fits some of the symptoms, but probably only about 1/2. I'm going to talk to the psych doc next week about it.
He's doing great at the new school. Yesterday when I picked him up for an appointment I asked how he was doing and they said great. One aide said she thinks he was just bored at the other school. They have him doing extra work because he finishes so quickly and he also asked for 6th grade spelling words (he's 5th). So they tested him and that's where he needs to be! He still wants to go back. He misses his friends.  I am happy he's doing well, though. 
I have read a brief definition of Asperger's, and I think this is the form of autism my oldest son has. At about age 3 he was diagnosed as hyperactive and pre-autistic (1964). We were advised to institutionalize him. Refusing to do that, the doc prescribed valium (remember, this is 1964) in very large doses for the hyperactivity and special education in a special program. We were very fortunate that at that time the state of Illinois paid all of the costs for this, including a taxi to take him back and forth five days a week, because I didn't drive. At 3 he had almost no spoken vocabulary, and was very withdrawn from others, and at the same time would focus on something and stay at that activity for hours, totally ignoring everything else. He took the screws out of his crib, and out of his glasses. In 1966 we moved to Philly, and he was again in a special ed school and again, fortunately, the state paid everything. His vocabulary grew by leaps and bounds and I taught him to read at about age 5. He was clearly an exceptionally intelligent young man, but also clearly not able to function in a regular school. At about 6th grade age he was transferred to another special ed school, as a precursor to mainstreaming. He learned French and after 3 years was in a contest for reading and speaking French, a national contest, and came in about 25th! He excelled in math, and was intensely curious about anything scientific. He still had problems in relating to others, but was a sunny, happy, delightful boy. Among other things, he was exceptionally obedient, very literal about doing exactly what he was told, and would sometimes get into trouble because he did something we never dreamed he needed to be told not to do. At 10th grade he was able to transfer to Central High, the public magnet school for exceptionally intelligent boys (test scores and grades)and did well in everything except literature. He still does not read fiction, saying he thinks the people in fiction books are silly and do silly things and it doesn't make sense. He took placement tests and tested out of two semesters of math and one of chemistry, and was accepted at Drexel University. We were very proud, but in hindsight it was a drastic mistake. He was still struggling with how to relate to people, had (and has) problems with anxiety and depression, and Drexel is a pressure-cooker school. Four terms each year instead of two, which means that if you don't get it the first time there is no leeway for catching up. He did OK the first three years of the five year program, but then went through a long period of anxiety and depression having to do with recognizing and coming to terms with his homosexuality, and eventually dropped out of school. He says he was so scarred by his Drexel experience that whenever he thinks about going back to school he feels like he has to vomit.
But, I think in another school he might have been able to manage. And, I think part of the problem was that he majored in electronics because his father is an electronics engineer, instead of chemistry. He loves chemistry and his high school chemistry teacher said he was a "natural" chemist and could have a wonderful career. That wasn't his choice, however, and at Drexel you have to declare a major when you enter and are stuck with it. You are accepted not just at Drexel, but at Drexel's School of - Electronic Engineer, Chemistry, Library Science, or whatever, and changing your major means losing huge amounts of credits. (I think it is obvious I have not the greatest feelings about Drexel.)
He has an incredible memory for things he is interested in. He could recite for you the whole periodic table (elements) and the logarithims (I think it is) of from 1 to I don't know what. He chooses the logarithim of a personally meaningful number for his pic for his MAC card and other code or password situations.
Now, he is very happily a full-time bike courier, makes enough money to pay his rent, his bills, run his car, put the full amount in an IRA every year, and save money for whatever rainy day may come. He has a website about lighting which is apparently highly respected by people who are interested in lighting, and has gotten consulting contracts from people who want specialized lighting/electronic devices designed and models built so they can put them into production. He is presently doing a project for a Canadian company for which he has done about 10 projects - the president of the company likes his work enough to invite him to spend a long weekend visiting in Ontario a few months ago.
My Don is the nicest person in our family, thoroughly reliable, painfully honest, kind, thoughtful, and still not very good at personal relationships except with his family and a few close friends. He still doesn't understand why people do the things they do (especially when they do nasty or cruel things). He has a wonderful sense of humor, is able to tap the "child" in him (in that he is still innocent in many ways), enjoys his life, and has no regrets.
He still gets mentally involved in whatever he is doing at the moment and a bomb could go off next door and he'd never know it. I love him dearly, but sometimes he will start talking about one of his projects or the details of a car problem or something he is vitally interested in and will go on forever, boring you to absolute tears, and never realize that he is going on forever and being boring. But, he also pays attention to politics and issues and when we get into family conversations about those things he is right in the middle of it. Both his brothers love him and like him and respect him - and would protect him from anyone who tried to take advantage of him or hurt him.
He doesn't pay attention to things in the way most people do. He can have watched me put something in the same cabinet every time he visits me and if I ask him to get it he has no idea where to start looking. He will be so busy focusing on "what's next" that he won't see anything else, so if I say dinner is served, he used to sit down and start serving himself right away until I got it into his head that it is good manners to wait for everyone. But, if he wants seconds on something, he will always ask first if anyone else wants more of whatever it is before he serves himself if there's not much left of whatever it is.
He started and keeps to a tradition of special wrappings for one brother's Christmas and birthday presents. To the point where this brother always gets his electric drill/screwdriver and a crowbar before starting to open it. One year he built a crate as packaging for the gift, found 18" long bolts to hold the top and bottom pieces together, and then filled it entirely with golf balls around the gift - so that when his brother got the top off the whole thing fell apart with golf balls all over the floor. Another year he made a cylinder that when you rolled it on the floor it made strange noises. One package had some sort of electrical connection in it so that when his brother took the lid off the box a telephone ringer in the bottom of the box started ringing, and his brother had to take all the packaging out of the box to find the ringer and turn it off. He spends hours thinking up and putting this packaging together, and enjoys so much watching his brother struggle with it. (Fortunately, this brother has decided to go along with the tradition, with all the traditional grumbling, preparations for opening - for example, he now puts the package in a large box or laundry basket to catch whatever falls out when he opens it - and a good time is had by all.)
When he buys cards for us for holidays, it is clear that he has spent a lot of time finding and selecting just the right card, and the card is always totally appropriate and enough to make you cry and laugh at the same time. He finds wonderful blouses for me for gifts (which I always ask for as I always need blouses). I asked him one time how he found a particularly "just right" blouse, and he said he just wanders through the stores looking at things until he hears bells when he sees something, and he knows that is the right gift for me. (Which did make me cry.)
I don't know - I'm trying to point out the problems and the wonderful things about my son, and I can only give you the most minimal picture of my wonderful oldest son.
I had to fight fiercely sometimes to get him the programs and classes he needed. And you may have to do the same. But I can tell you that this child of mine has been a joy and delight to me all his life, even when I was worried sick about what his future would be. Do I wish he didn't have the problems - yes. Would I change him if I could - not unless I knew what wonderful things might also be missing if somehow his "gaps" were filled.
I don't know if this helps at all, but it is my experience. We were lucky - Don's condition was, comparatively speaking, mild. We found just the right schools for him almost every time, and we had the financial support from the state and support from our family and friends. Was it easy - sometimes yes, sometimes no. Did I cry - yes, sometimes - but I also laughed a lot.
Sounds to me like you have found a good school for your son and he is doing well - that is about 60-70% of the battle right there. Can you find ways for him to spend time with the friends he misses while he makes new friends at this school?
Cat, we were told when my five year old gs was evaluated about a year ago that Aspergers is a possibility with him too. At that time they recommended to my ds and dil that they take him to a center about an hour away from here that specializes in diagnosing Aspergers. At least for the time being his parents have decided not to take him there for evaluation for several reasons. For one thing it sounds as if they would be expected to pay a considerable amount of money for the evaluation. Also after reading all the materials we could find about Aspergers we have decided that he just does not meet enough of the criteria. Then there is also the question of exactly how the diagnosis would benefit him. At this point we are choosing to deal with his behaviors rather than a specific diagnosis although I realize that it can be helpful to have a diagnosis.
We've also tossed the Asperger's thing around with my oldest son. Specifically, his trouble with pragmatics of language. He had significant difficulty identifying facial expressions, tone of voice and "reading" social cues. We had to do a lot of social scripting with him when he was younger. He still has social issues (doesn't really "get" other kids his age) but at this point I think his problems lie with his other "issues." He is currently diagnosed with Tourette's, ADHD, SID and is also probably gifted. He is currently testing academically at least 2 years above grade level in reading and math. Writing is about 1 level above. He's in first grade now. HIs social skills are at about a 4 year old level. His verbal abilities (speaking) are off the charts. The "delay" part of Asperger's always made us question it. He really only has that in social/emotional. NEVER in academics.
|
Members
