What Would You Do?
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What Would You Do?
If your teen wanted to take part in a protest against war with Iraq, how would you react?
I would ask for his reasons, find out what exactly he was protesting, explain that he might be opening himself for public critism, and then let him. I think he has the right to, just like I did during the Vietnam War.
wow good question ... hubby a retired marine of 22 years ... and two sons that are marines this wouldnt go over so well in our house ... i have a 21 year old and a 16 year old ...but id make sure they had done the research to understand what they were standing up for and understood like jann said the public scrutiny that was about to start not only in town but in their own home ... as it would be a life long decision that would affect them the rest of thier life ... but i wouldnt stop them... they are old e nough to make the decision for them selves
Ok, my first reaction when I read the question was smack him upside his head for disrespecting his father and grandfather. But putting some rational thought into it, I would want to discuss why he is opposed to the war, and what he wanted to accomplish by protesting. I agree with Jann and Jewlz, I would explain the consequences of the protest, and hopefully give him the ability to make a wise choice on his own. I wouldn't stop him.
I think I need to add, that I believe whole heartedly that protesting a war is NOT the same as being disrespectful to the military. I would never allow any child of mine to deride someone for choosing to protect this country.
I'm going to start by saying that at 27 I'm probably closer in age to the children in question than I am to a lot of the moms here. I'm also opposed to the impending war at this point, though I do support each and every soldier that chooses to risk thier lives and I hope they all come home safely to thier families.
Time to sit down with your kids and talk about why they are opposed to the war. Not a time to lecture, a time to listen, not enought parents did that during Vietnam so you had kids running around thinking adults wouldn't listen to them and they made some bad choices. My parents were some of those kids. Talk about the difference between protesting a war and protesting soldiers. Talk about what they are for as well as agianst as far as preserving freedoms. Find out what they would approve of going to war for, what would make them take up arms.
I can remember being 16 during the gulf war, watching it all on TV and being very confused. It was a part of the world that I didn't know anythign about, people that I didn't know anything about and violence (US bombs hitting down every night on the news) that I hadn't seen before. It wasn't clear what was right and what was wrong and did we need to kill all the people we did.
Talk to your kids and if they insist on going, think about going with them. You don't have to hold a sign and march and yell, but go and listen, even if you don't agree with the protesters, you will at least know what it is that's going on, who the protesters are and what they are telling your kids.
I will be at a protest on February 15th. And I participated in many demonstrations against the Viet Nam War, and against nuclear weapons in general. So, obviously, I would not object to a child of mine in such a protest, providing that child was mature enough to make a conscious decision about why they wanted to participate, not just because I am doing it.
My rule with my sons, always, was that if what you want to do is not illegal and is not unhealthy, you probably can do it, but I want you to think carefully about why you are doing it, the motives of the people trying to persuade you to do it, the potential consequences, and what you hope will be gained. If you can convince me you are making an informed decision out of values, then go do it - and here is some advice from a mom who is experienced in demonstrating. I was involved in demonstrating for a variety of causes beginning with public school issues in about 1972. Although I sometimes took my two younger sons with me to school board meetings (because I could't afford a sitter and the schools were closed by a strike), I never took them to a demonstration as such because I felt they were too young, in general, and particularly because they were too young to make a choice and I didn't have the right to make the choice for them. When they became teenagers and I was demonstrating, they knew what I was doing and why, and whether they joined me was up to them. One did, two didn't.
My advice, by the way, to people who want to participate in demonstrations, is as follows:
Dress respectably. Don't let your appearance present an image that detracts from the message yo want to convey. That includes hair styles and earrings and T-shirts.
If you are carrying a sign, make sure it is worded in a way that does not give offense in any way other than the message itself - in other words, don't insult the President or the United States or the men and women in our armed forces, and don't use offensive language.
Wear comfortable shoes and dress for the weather (especially this time of year). Yes, that means wear gloves and a warm hat.
Don't carry anything you don't need. Demonstrations take a long time, and a back pack can get heavy.
Eat a good breakfast, and take some lightweight snack food - granola bars and the like, and maybe a water bottle.
Do carry lots of quarters or a phone card, and a list of phone numbers, including your parents and your parents' lawyer. Unless you have a chronic condition requiring medication, don't carry any medications of any kind. Carry some ID, and your insurance card (just "in case" - I never needed it.)
Stay with your group. Always. Always.
Don't argue with the police, who will be there. If anyone is going to argue with them it should be the leaders and organizers of the demonstration. If the police are around, you say Yes Sir, No Sir, and follow their orders. A teenager should not be involved in passive resistance that will result in an arrest. An arrest is a permanent record, and you want to get into the college of your choice. Leave that to the people who are better able to stand such risks.
Don't, don't, don't exchange insults with hecklers, and don't don't don't don't get into a fight, either as aggressor or defender, if you have any possible option otherwise.
When the demonstration is over and you are starting for home, call your family and let them know - they will be worrying.
Oh, and if you have a cell phone, carry it - but only for emergencies and to let your family know you are OK.
Hmm!
Good question.
I would for one, ask why they are wanting to protest.......explain the positive, and negative points in doing so.
I would explain, why they are wanting war, what it could do good, for us, and bad also.
Everyone has thier own right to thier own opinion.
As long as they are old enough, to stand proud for thier own decisions (sensible ones) there is nothing more I can do, but stand back, and hope for the best.
I don't believe that everyone that is in the arm forces probably agrees with the reason we fight every war. They may be happy that someone is standing up for what they can't say themselves. But they have taken an oath to do so no matter what. Having said that. As long as my child was respectful and old enough to make his own conscience decision. I would let him or her. I think its how they go about it that matters. Protest the decision to go to war not the people that are in it.
You said "teen". I say no. A teenager does not need to take part in a protest against war. There are other ways they can get their views across. Write letters, phone calls, all that kind of leg work, not just the "flashy" (if you will allow) going to the protest. I am of the mind that its my house, my rules. They dont have to think along the same lines I do, but they will respect my wishes. I am the parent and they are still a child. I would not allow my teenager to go to a protest. I would not allow my teen to go to a Pro-war rally either at that age.
I have to agree with you Sandie...Teen wouldn't ride here either...I can't imagine my 12 year old now....in a couple of years wanting to stand outside and protest against wars...I too remember the Gulf War..I was 18 years old and had this new baby and scared me to DEATH!! I have to admit..I don't pay attention to other countries and what's going on...I know..I know..I should step away..but..I don't agree with protests...sorry...I think writing..calling..is a better way...I stand behind our president..I voted for him and have faith in him...I can say that much...God is in control...I leave it in His hands not mine...
Blessings
Terri
I think a 16 or 17 year is very different than my 13 year old, but they are both technically teens.
My 13 year old, no. My 16 year old, yes.
It is so easy to walk in a protest march. It's easy to wear a t-shirt like Sheryl Crowe stating "War is Not the Answer". What is the answer?
Have your teen come up with alternatives to that question. Make him/her think of ways to solve this situation without war, search out solutions/ benefits,etc., find ways to make a difference. Don't let him get on the band wagon without really thinking for himself.
If he can articulate or express his reasons to protest against this impending war; can think of alternatives that could/should be put into place instead....then I would let him go. Make him think first, march second.
I would march with my teenaged son or daughter. This war will take the lives of peers of our teenagers. At 18 they have the right to die for this country. Why should they be too uninformed to voice their concerns while in their teens? The majority of those who die in this war will be much younger than most of us.
I spoke out and marched against the Viet Nam war while only 19, and engaged to a man fighting over there, and see no dichotomy in this or my feelings about a possible war with Iraq. As military spouses, mothers and friends, we have no wish to see our brave and patriotic troops in harm's way because of policies that could be termed, at best, RECKLESS. My fear is that this war will be a Pandora’s box, that once opened, will bring about a clash that we are not prepared to win. The administration keeps hinting at proofs it has that justify this clash. We’re expected to sacrifice our loved ones over facts we’re not allowed to know????? Does this make any sense at all? We will liberate the downtrodden people of Iraq by killing the populace???? I can’t understand how the majority of our people are swallowing this rhetoric. I’ve been a military spouse for over 3/4 of my life, and those deployed soldiers, airmen, Marines, and sailors are my brothers and sisters, my sons and daughters. As much as, if not more than any civilian spouse, I understand the nature of the job, and the obligations of our military. I also see my obligation as a citizen of a country who proclaims freedom, to speak out about what I fear is a misuse of our military, and a danger to the stability of this world.
I would ask his reasons, if they weren't childish or uneducated I would ask him if he had a ride. If he had no idea what he was talking about I would try and explain things to the best of my knowlege and understanding so that he didn'nt look like a fool. Just because he is my son or daughter doesn't mean he has to think like me. And i only hope he has enough courage & intelligence to think for him or herself and remain open minded of others views.
I agree with those who said if he could articulate a thoughtful reason as to why, I would allow it.
My ds (7) came home from school prior to the start of the war asking why Bush was bad and why he wanted to start a war. It was because his teacher had told them about the impending war and that she was going on a peace march over the weekend. I was stunned that she was so bold as to talk to the kids about that! Until that point I had not discussed it with him at all.
We talked about it and about the different views as to why we were doing it. And we talked about the importance of not hearing just one side, but of learning all the facts and deciding for yourself where you stand. I could actually see him processing the conversation. Although my first reaction was to go to the school about the inappropriatness of her discussing this issue with first graders, I decided after our conversation not to. I think he learned a valuable lesson in it all. And I think that it is laying the groundwork for him to make informed decisions later in his life. I think he is beginning to understand that it is okay to not always agree with me, dh, his teacher, or other authority figures. As long as he doesn't disagree just to disagree.
I agree, Melanie, the teacher was way out of line. It is entirely inappropriate for a teacher to talk to students about the teacher's political convictions or activities, and more especially in appropriate in your son's age group.
I think you handled this very, very well, and applaud your reasoning and your actions.
Hmmm....depends on the age, and the type of protest.
13- No way, no how.
16- Maybe, after a long talk. I have taught my children from birth that everyone is different. And we all have different opinions on things. Also would depend on type of protest (see below). If it was a march in the street, or interrupt exam type protest, then no.
19- Go for it.
With one exception to 19. I wouldn't stop them, but I would be sure they knew that I do not support protests that disrupt other people's lives. Things like marching in the street, and interrupting exams would be BIG no-nos for me. I wouldn't stop them, but I'd be sure they know where I stand on that before they go.
(I am assuming that by 19 I will have an idea of my childs beliefs.)
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